should i tell my husband ?

Question

should i tell my husband that i have been think about cheating on him ?
we have been together for over ten years , we have 2 kids together and yes he has cheated on me

Answer 1

Why would you tell him that unless you are ready to seek a divorce or counseling? Do you want to hurt him and erode any trust you may have rebuilt in your relationship? Or are you really unhappy with him and this looks like a viable way out? Just because he screwed up doesn't mean you have to break your vows as well.

Answer 2

No that will only cause problems.....so here is what you can do. Go talk with a counselor where you can get things out in the open and where your secrets are safe. Something is missing in your life or it could be from your husband cheating in the past. Telling your husband if you are not going to cheat will only hurt him and maybe you want him to feel the pain he put in your life when he did it to you. It's possible you may think telling him will even the score??? If things are good right now with your husband and he has learned from past mistakes...........maybe you are still hurting and need to talk to him about it still. If you do cheat this will probably end your marriage this time because two wrongs don't make a right. I hope that after what your husband did to you ....that both of you had some marriage counseling? If not you need to do it now. Maybe you still don't trust that he will never hurt you again and things are not clear about what his precautions will be to prevent things from happening in the future? If he did not make this clear to you than maybe you still need to know some things. Be sure of your true intent if you tell him what you are thinking or if you really want to cheat on him. If you do desire this for no other reason than you just want to maybe it is time to get a divorce. At least you will leave and then go out with somebody with your dignity in tact and not hurt anyone the way you were made to feel. Be better than anyone that made the choice to change your life the way cheating can do. You are probably still very angry with your husband and he is probaly not giving you enough attention and going back to his old ways after everything. You need more assurance , hugs, to know that he is truly sorry. If you are not getting that it could be the reason you are wanting to go on the outside of your marriage now to find what is missing? Good luck sweetie.

Answer 3

I think you should tell him otherwise you are going to end up cheating on him. Usually when someone is considering cheating there are problems in the marriage that need to be worked out. It is unfair to your husband not to tell him. He has the right to try and make things better in your marriage. If you don't feel comfortable telling him that you want to cheat at least let him know that you have been unhappy and that you would like to work on your marriage. Remember if you cheat on your husband you aren't only going to hurt him but also your children.

Answer 4

what kind of a question is this? You haven't cheated yet, don't tell him unless you do it. Believe me there is a huge difference between fantasizing and actually doing it. If you have to seek attention from him about you wanting to cheat your obviously still very upset that he did. How did that feel when he cheated? so why are you gonna do it to him? I seriously would either separate from him or get counseling. Cheating is just going to make things even more complicated.

Answer 5

I think if you are having those feelings, then you should go for it. Don't talk to him about it. Did he stop and ask you what you think about him cheating on you? He didn't care at the time. Maybe later, but not at the time. The only bad thing about it is you can't do it if you are going to feel guilty for doing it later. If you will, then don't do it. Tell him you want to spice up things in the bedroom. But this is how I see most (not all) relationships in life. You find someone you can't live without and you stick with them. Sometimes, one of you may test the waters elsewhere, but yall always come back to eachother and if for some reason one of yall finds another person that makes you happier or satisfies you more - well then just go for it and give it your all. People just don't understand that we only have one life here and you MUST make yourself happy among all other things.

Answer 6

Bad idea! If your husband cheated on you before that doesn't give the right to cheat on your husband. When you took him back you made a choice to stick with him. If you cannot live with him, if you have a major problem with him, if you must divorce him, do so and than meet other.

Answer 7

It depends on the reason you have been thinking about cheating on him. Are trying to get him back since he cheated on you or are you really attractive to this other person. If you just trying to get back at him, then you haven't forgave him yet and you need to talk to him about this. And if you are attracted to this other person, then you might want to tell you husband that you are attracted to someone else. Either way, it sounds like you guys need to talk and if I were you I would look into some couple counseling.

Answer 8

Tell him after you cheat and say wow it was so d a m n good and now that you evened the score you wanted to be honest with him because it was so d a m n good you want some more.. always try to stay one up on your partner you will feel better.

Answer 9

It depends on what you want to happen. Are you thinking of cheating because you are not fulfilled or for revenge?
If you are not fulfilled, then a discussion is definately in order, but NOT about the cheating part...that will just hurt and break the relationship farther apart. Your heart was broken was it not when he did it to you? Leave that out of it. Discuss the lack of fulfillment and what you would like to see happen. Ask him for his opinions or ideas. If there is no discussion, then make a break...why drag on a dead relationship?
Sandra

Answer 10

If you tell him before hand you are sexually attractive to someone else that has shown a interest in you, that you really have issues with your emotions and would like to keep your marriage intact and need to know his thoughts on the matter and how he would react if he was in your shoes. Assure him that nothing has happened so far.
Suggest you not mention the person's name even if he demands to know or guess, this would just create additional problems. In our society today, we see more attractive people than ever before, not counting the movies and television, and it is only natural to find other people sexually attractive.
This is opening a line of communication that may bring both you closer together.

I wish you the best in life.

Answer 11

Yes, you should tell him! As long as you've been together, he deserves to know what you've been feeling. The fact that he's cheated should be something completely separate here...really, if you tell him how you feel there's a chance the two of you could talk about it, and he would have the chance to understand why you feel the way you do (which is only fair). And, he deserves to have a say in whether or not he's going to stay in the marriage if that's how you feel.