My finacee and I always get arugumentative about our past, he gets very jealous with my past relationship and gets upset when he discusses it with me, I get the same with him? Why is this happening to us? We can't handle our past relationship? We love each other so much that this gets in the way of our relationship?? Tips?
2007-05-15 04:34:05 · 21 answers · asked by cookielove1430 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you first have to realize that those past relationships made you who you are today. Without them you would be a different person because you would not have experienced and learned from situations and experiences with the others. (Did that make sense?). Anyway, as long as you talk about the past relationships in a healthy way, you both need to try to get over the jealousy. Jealousy really is the most evil and negative emotion we are capable of because it's based on uncertaintity.
2007-05-15 04:39:46 · answer #1 · answered by THP 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is life before marriage. Meaning exactly that, that each of you had a life prior to meeting each other, otherwise you two may never have become the person you are that each other fall in love for. Take whatever from this past, learn from its strengths and weaknesses, and move on. There is really no sense dwelling on what has been since theres no way you can change it no matter how hard you try. You each deep inside really want to know about each others closet skeletons for whatever reason but dont know how to deal with the answers. So if you cant deal with the answer, then dont ask the question. Let the past die until the time comes when you both can better handle it and it will eventually come up. Or go to a professional counselor, tell all and be done with it once and for all and then bury it. You two need to worry more about your future together than to worry about yesteday. Move on and congrats on your engagement and wish you all the best in your upcoming marriage.
2007-05-15 04:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this is so much a matter of that "you love each other so much that this gets in the way you relationship." I would be more inclined to think that you are both jealous people and that is what is getting in the way of your relationship. There may also be a trust issue between the two of you...?
If you truly love each other, then you should be able to trust one another, and accept each other's past. Love each other for who you are today and appreciate the fact that you are together and not with someone from your past relationships.
2007-05-15 04:45:21 · answer #3 · answered by Halcyon23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy to a point shows you care. However, in your case I'd say STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. You need to both look at the relationship you are in now. What good is going to come from talking about past relationships? If they weren't good go to counseling or just get over it. You are not going to be able to move forward dwelling on the past. I'm sure if those relationships ended, there is very good reason. Are you both happy with each other? Maybe that's what you should be discussing.
2007-05-15 04:40:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ann S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get the same situation, umm, to be honest, i think that happens is because maybe for an example, my b/f's ex always comes in the way of our relationship, every time I get into a fight with my b/f, I always bring up his ex, i guess thats because I had bad experience with his ex and him in the between, and I got hurt from both of them when i started dating.
I am not too sure why you guys would bring the past unless something hurt you in the past...
like me, when i started dating my b/f, he has broken up with his ex about couple weeks ago, but then I have noticed that he would go to her website to leave a msg, and most of the time, after we hang up on the phone, he would be on the phone with his ex, as if he had two g/fs...u know...
so it hurt me, i have been thinking about breaking up but then, somehow it was not easy...and since then, everytime whenever he does not treat me the past I always bring that up..
so I guess it must have been the past that hurt you or something and that you are disappointed or upset.
I am trying to let go of the past too, so if you want the relationship to be the best, just let go of the memories of the past...and start all over again, do not talk about the past..
well, GOOD LUCK
2007-05-15 04:42:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Past relationships are just that, past relationships. Under no circumstance should they even be brought up or talked about. Sometimes there are children from past relationships, this makes it hard to forget the past. In a situation where contact with the ex must be maintained it is important to not talk about the past relationship and what went wrong, or compare the past to the present. The best thing to do is leave the past in the past.
2007-05-15 04:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by pegasis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well both of you have to accept that you were involved with other people. But keep in mind that you are with each other and that what happened before you doesn't really have any bearing on now. Try not to talk about the past relationships you have both had, and just look to the future with each other. You can't change the past but you can decide the outcome of your future relationship. Good Luck!!1
2007-05-15 04:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by kt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
probably best to just leave it alone. Don't hide it, but don't throw it out there for no reason either. And don't go into any more details than is required, would be my advice. People are funny about things. Even when in their head they tell themsleves it doesn't matter (and it really doesn't because we all have pasts), sometimes the knowledge eats at them for no good end. that's the way we people are. Sometimes best intentions do not produce good results. the past is done and in the past. Leave it there.
2016-05-18 21:30:09 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you both are in love and do not want to think of the others before you........so don't discuss them sweetie. It's better not to bring up the past and let it go. Live in the here and now with just the two of you. If you do have to bring up someone from the past always talk about the bad stuff and let your love of today think he is the best ever!!! Good luck.
2007-05-15 04:38:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tip: go to couples counseling BEFORE you get married. If there are issues, you need to nip them in the bud right now. This past relationship thing is the perfect example of the kind of thing that can eat away at a relationship. There is no easy answer that can be provided here to resolve it. Seek professional help and you will be given realistic strategies that will be specific to your needs. Schedule an appointment. If your fiancee won't go, then go yourself. You'll be glad you did.
2007-05-15 04:48:12 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋