I was late getting my period last week (though I did eventually get it), but my partner got REALLY worried about it. He is divorced, and doesn't think he wants any more kids or to get remarried. I don't need a marriage certificate to feel like I'm in a solid, committed relationship, and at 27, still don't want to be a parent.
I was worried by his reaction, though. I don't want kids now, but am concerned that I might feel the urge eventually. He's only 32, and I think the failure of his first marriage has scared him out of that particular type of committment and family life. Is that permanent? I don't mind not getting married, but have no idea if I will feel that way in 5 or 10 years...
Should I be worried? Is this a compromise that many couples have to make?
2007-05-15 04:32:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oops, that was supposed to be 'pregnancy' in the title, not pregrancy. Sorry for the typo!
2007-05-15 04:34:17 · update #1
He has issues to work through re his previous relationship. That's normal. Hopefully this was just a stage of it and he'll be able to move on.
Since it's not an active issue for you, let it ride. It'll work out one way or the other.
2007-05-15 04:41:20 · answer #1 · answered by The angels have the phone box. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from past experience, if the nesting instinct hasn't hit by now, you are probably safe from it..... but having children is not a compromise.--- you can't have half a kid!!!! It is a life long commitment, costing $250,000 per kid. I can certainly see why he would not want another, and in the case of bc pills, and being diligent, "to do nothing is a decision". The two of you need to be committed to contraception if you do not wish to parent. Resentment would run high on his list, and he would not be the first guy to bail..... Having children is one of those little discussions you each need to have. And if your feelings change, and his do not, hon, that is a deal buster, and you can't trick him, and just forget to take your pill.... you must then be ready to impliment Plan B, and indeed have it in your med. cabinet..... not fair, not nice, and for sure not any at all fair to a kid, born into it. That he friaked out only lets you know the extent of his not wishing any more children... and if he truly feels this way, he ought to get a vasectomy... and you and he need to discuss that too.
2007-05-15 04:45:05 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must really be honest with yourself about what matters to you. He is telling you very clearly he doesn't intend to marry again, and it seems children are out also. He'd be a great match for someone who doesn't want the kind of life a family and marriage means, but if that isn't you, you do need to reevaluate your situation now before you've invested even more of your time into something which really has no future.
I stayed with my last BF for 5 years, telling myself all the while I'd be ok with no kids and hoping he'd marry me once he realized how great I was....the truth is, that was never going to happen, and it took me too long to come to my senses. I have remained friends with him, because it wasn't as if he led me on or anything....it's just that he wanted the life he wanted, and I want what I want--they just aren't the same thing, and some things you just shouldn't have to compromise on--the color of a house, fine....having a family of your own, not a point to compromise on...
2007-05-15 04:42:20 · answer #3 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you don't need a marriage certificate to 'feel' like you're in a solid, committed relationship, and yet you are having doubts about HIM because you aren't married.
I don't get why so many women are willing to be a bed partner and nothing more! You really don't know what you are missing!!!
I wish you well!
2007-05-15 04:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-11-23 14:19:42 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE pay attention to the red flags flying in your face. He doesnt wanna marry, OR have children??? So then it appears as tho, he only wants a playmate? One that may be disposable? I say, no thanx to that set up.
Committment of any type = Responsibility. Think about it.
2007-05-15 04:39:39 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no not at all..most guys freak out even the married ones...they know too how children can weigh down any relationship...give him time and wait to plan your future /including kids together...he might of felt you were trying to trap himm..good luck and use protection
2007-05-15 04:39:40 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine01 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋