I have been in a physical relationship with a man who I love?

Question

- this is where the simple bit ends and the complicated stuff starts. Thing is when we first got together I needed some time and space,he became briefly involved with someone else, and within 2 weeks she became pregnant. He decided to stand by her, and to make a go of the relationship. Problem is we remained emotionally involved, speaking on the phone and texting - meeting for coffee etc. Inevitably things progressed...and we keep ending up back in the same position - trying to make a break from each other but never quite managing to do so. Whilst I feel bad about the fact that we are having an affair, I so do not want to walk away. I know that I'm heading for heartache as the baby will be here in just six weeks, and the pain that could be caused to the girlfriend is imense - yet I truly believe that we are soul mates, wrapped up in a difficult situation. Do I walk away and hope that we will be together in the future ? I worry that if we finish he will be so upset he tells her

Answer 1

A tangled web...

First off...you cannot control what other people do...how he might choose to react, so you shouldn't spend time on his what-ifs.

You simply need to decide what is going to bring you happiness. If you are going to suffer the heartache, might as well do it on your terms, right? If in the end, the two of you are really so good together "soul mates", then his current situation with the other woman and baby-on-the-way, has no chance of success anyway. If I were you, I'd explain to him that the current situation is going nowhere good, therefore you will exit the picture...at least for the moment. Maybe no contact for a few months. He will be free to either make his situation work, or free himself altogether. Either way, you move on to a brighter future, with or without him.

If he does tell her and that other relationship ends, allow ample time for him to truly separate from that and sort out the baggage. Otherwise, he may continue on without gaining independence, while maybe physically having left her and the baby, but maybe not really having let go emotionally.

All you can do is what is what works best for you. How this might affect him, her or the baby really has nothing to do with you. That is up to them. Yet, realize that as the father to this child, he will never be 100% free from the past. Is having this other situation lurking in the closet something that you care to contend with for the rest of your life? With so many fish in the sea, could there be another "soulmate" for you out there? I'd venture to say...if you can open yourself to the possibilities, then maybe yes.

Make sense?

Answer 2

You are not soul mates. This guy is totally using you. He gets to have a serious relationship, and have sex with you, too. Wake up and smell the coffee! WALK AWAY. The very best thing you can do is dump him, and STOP CONTACTING HIM. The sooner you stop answering his messages, talking to him, and texting him, the sooner you will get over him and be able to move on with your life. Any other alternative is almost a 100% guaranteed waste of your time and emotions. He is not leaving the baby. Even if he did, he would have to pay child support, and you would suffer the consequences. Not only should you walk away, but you should NOT hope to get together in the future. It is not happening, at least, not in any way that will benefit you.

I also seriously think you should get some therapy. You are not emotionally stable right now. I don't mean that to hurt your feelings, but anyone who would tolerate a loser like this has a problem. The sooner you get help for this problem, the sooner you will realize that you are above this and deserve better.

Answer 3

I believe the reality is while your still willing to chat, text meet for coffee and the rest he will be content with the arrangement. I doubt very much he will tell his girlfriend. Don't let him use emotional blackmail on you. Maybe suggest a break away with no contact and see what happens. People will tell you to walk away but if you feel there is still some hope why should you. Be carefull you could end up being the other woman for a long long time and it will stop you having a life of your own.

Answer 4

You are in a tought spot. My advice to you is to end it and walk away from this relationship. You are not just talking about you but him, his girlfriend, his baby. Its all to big of a complicated mess. You need to get far away from him and them and give him time to make up his mind about what he wants and the time im talking is minimum 6 months. You need to tell him you are not comfortable with this affair and you can't do it anymore and that you want him to take time to be with his gf without you complicating matters for him. For at least 6 months you need to stay away...no texting...no phone calls....and especially no meeting for coffee or anything. Its the only way you are ever really going to know where this relationship is going and you might find he isn't as committed to you as you think. Getting someone pregnant after splitting for only a week doesn't sound like he was grieving to much. Good luck to you

Answer 5

Look. Stop meeting for coffee, stop talking to him on the phone and texting...and cut it off and move on. If you were truly "soul mates," he would not have become briefly involved with someone else and gotten her pregnant...it takes TWO. He didn't wrap his one-eyed Johnson. He has a child on the way, and he has committed himself to her. NOT to you. If he was committed to you, he would have told her about you and you two would not be having a private affair. If he gets upset and tells her, that is his business. You have to walk away with the concept that you will, more than likely, NEVER get together in the future. What happens if you meet someone?? You are going to put this new guy on the block because you are waiting for your "soul mate" to get off the pot? Don't do that to yourself. Do your BEST to move on. It sounds like he cheated on you...now he is cheating on her. CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT. Player.

Answer 6

I personally am looking for love. But, yet I do think love is part physical and emotional. On emotions, I believe has parts of faithfulness and commitment intertwined in it and how you feel towards the other person. As for physical, I think it is love that brings you together and explore each other's body. Well, I am looking for love first before the physical part as I am 24 and going on 25, male and still a VIRGIN. I am a college graduate, has a stable job, well groomed, well mannered at the dinner table and things regarding chivalry (opening doors, seating a woman first at a dinner table, etc.). I came close to losing my virginity, but decided not to lose it. I wanted to save my self for the one true love. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

his decision to stand by the othergirl is quite responsible. as 4 both of you, you guys need some space to forget what had been between both of u. Quit seing each other for a while. You need to see his reaction after the baby is born. if he is truly in love with u then there is no point in cheating each other. Juz be honest and although it is going to be hard on the other girl it is better now than to be later. bt it will very kindof both of you to take equal care of the baby since the baby did nothing wrong.

Answer 8

Wow....i totally just got finished going through the same thing, just wit out the baby part, which makes it 10 times harder. The way i delt with it was to walk away, but not totally. Still talk to him and be friends, just dont see eachother, dont say i love you or any thing. Make it clear to him that yall cannot do this anymore unless he breaks it off with her, still be there for the baby. Encoursg him to try and be the best, most involved dad, but explain that that doesnt mean that he has to be with hte baby's momma. He needs to make a decision and you cannot make it easy on him like always being there for him to be with. but do not make him decide between you and his baby, only you and the baby's mamma. Walk half way away, but not all the way.

Answer 9

First off, he SHOULD tell her.

It's sad that he brought another woman into the picture AND managed to get her pregnant but, it happened and he's going to have to deal with it someway.

Either you walk away from him so he can have a family with this girl or the two of you do what your heart says to do and he leaves his pregnant girlfriend for you.

REGARDLESS of what he does, that is his baby and he needs to be in it's life both financially as well as physically/emotionally. A paycheck each month is not enough. He needs to be in that childs life.

Answer 10

I think he is not being fair to either one of you. Being with the other girl just because she got preg is stupid. It will never work cause the baby isn't even born and he cheating. She will be hurt to know that the entire realtionship is a lie. I think you should let him go and see what relationship he really values. Tell him that he needs to choose. And the choice doesn't involve the child because... the child will still be his no matter who he's with and that he can still play a role in the childs life... but he needs to choose. And what he chooses you need to live with it. and so does he.