Long story short she now wants to see if we can work things out. Problem is I started seeing someone recently whom I like. After 10 months apart is it possible to save a marriage with that amount of time invested? The first 7 months all I did was ask for her to give the marriage a chance, therapy, counseling, anything with no results and now out of the blue she wants to try. I do not believe she knows I have been dating so jealousy is not the motivator. HELP!
2007-05-15 03:44:39 · 10 answers · asked by kply103650 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like in the early months of the seperation she may have had someone on the side as well but it did not work out, now she's falling back on her options.
The question to ask is, what was she doing for those months that she was so removed from the process? Now everything's all good again for her and she's ready to come back?
Ultimately this is a decision you have to make, perhaps both of you needed to see other people for a while to realise what you have together or not.
2007-05-15 04:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by bettercockster1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ever heard of "Take off the old coat before putting on the new?"
First, make up your mind. Do you want Wife - with all her manipulative faults - or do you want to take a chance on this new gal?
Second, Level with your new love. Tell her about Wife. Be really honest.
Actually, Wife has a big hint: Now that you have met someone else, you've probably not been pleading and begging her to come back as much.
Typical Scarlett O'Hara behavior - not wanting what you have until it's gone.
If I were you I'd tell Scarlett that you're moving on. She waited too long to make up her mind. But that's your choice.
Then see a lawyer and finalize the divorce.
2007-05-15 03:59:09 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You said you don't believe she knows that you're dating, but I'd be willing to bet she does. How else to explain the out -of- the- blue request for a reconciliation after seven months of your trying (unsuccessfully) to persuade her to work with you to try to save the marriage? You are the only one who knows what is in your heart. Sometimes reconciliations work and the marriage is stronger. You have to spend some time examining how you feel about her and your marriage before you commit to another try. Whatever you decide to do, I wish happiness for you.
2007-05-15 03:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think honesty is the answer. First - with yourself. Do you really want to go back and make it work? Will your heart be in it?
If it is only going to be a half hearted attempt then you need to be honest with your estranged wife and tell her you have decided to move on.
You wanted to work it out and she didn't - now she suddenly changes her mind. It sounds to me like she was in a relationship and it didn't work out and she needs someone to console her until she finds someone else...
If I were you, I would move on. No kids involved - nothing to hold you there.
2007-05-15 03:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by Collette L 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like she had someone, and now that's over. I once heard the average fling usually lasts 6 to 9 months. Take your time, take her to dinner but make no commitment, for at least a year.
2007-05-15 04:01:16 · answer #5 · answered by Grandma Shorty 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A marriage of 13 years is substantial. You owe it to yourself to try and make it work. This should not be about a 3rd party, just you and your wife. If it doesn't work, at least you tried.
2007-05-15 04:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, what's in your heart? Only you know if you still love her. If you don't love her, why bother? If you do love her, I'd say it's definitely worth a shot. However, sounds like you're into this other woman.
2007-05-15 03:48:39 · answer #7 · answered by sassysusie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You've committed ADULTERY, do you know or understand that. When she finds out you will get burned more than once.
One by her and the other by God. Way to go boy.
2007-05-15 03:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you want to reconnect with her? Do you have any feelings for her? I don't think you do - you need to decide if you want to or not.
2007-05-15 03:48:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A known devil is better than an unknown one.
2007-05-15 04:39:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋