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11yr old son. Hates school. Having difficulties in math. Though he does go to school every day and says he tries his best. We had him tested for ADHD, and he is not hyper. Needed medication for focusing. Now, the school wants to put him in Special Ed. I am afraid that this will stay with him for the rest of his schooling years and follow him to college. He is smart in so many things. We have tried the tutoring, didn't help. He will leave homework in school and not do it, telling us he forgot it. Any advice??
Thanks!

2007-05-15 01:04:46 · 12 answers · asked by Mom of 2 great boys 7 in Education & Reference Special Education

Ok, I'm sorry, but I need to refase this question. Our son is not lazy. He will not let us help him even though we communicate with his teachers. He will not ask questions. He is brilliant in so many different areas, but refuses to try to learn basic math. Tried games, incentives, you name it, we did it. Encourage him, praised him, rewarded him with gifts, and low and behold, when he promised a gift, he passes math. We cannot teach him that there are always rewards, material things, just because you do well. Him getting a good grade and saying "wow, I did this all on my own" is a reward to his own accomplishments. Yes, I have a mental block with math also. Disliked as a child, but I never failed because of it. I just needed to claify that one.

2007-05-15 05:29:30 · update #1

12 answers

I am a public school special education teacher with 2 boys who have ADHD. Seeing exceptional children as a parent and as a teacher gives me empathy for what you're dealing with.
people get hung up with labels--will my child be identified as a special ed kid? Yes, but think about the purpose it serves. Yes he may be teased, kids are cruel to each other, we all go through that horrible time of life, but being identified may give your child what he needs, an empathetic teacher who helps him in a positive way. It is a very rough road, but genrally it turns out well.
Get your child assessed for special education needs and find out EXACTLY what kind of weak areas he has extra needs in. YOU CAN HELP HIM!
Having special needs does NOT mean you are stupid, just that you have need extra help.
Anything I can do, email me
Steven Y. Litt
email: litteachse@yahoo.com
I work for San Bernardino City Unified School District in Southern California

Remember Tom Cruise and Albert Einstein? they were special ed kids. Tom cannot read, Albert did not speak until he was three.
Special does not mean STUPID, usually it means the opposite--they think differently!!!! It's called creative!

2007-05-15 07:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by litteachse 2 · 2 1

You do have the right to refuse Special Education services, especially if it is an initial eligibility. Special Ed. Can be a godsend for many children, but if you are convinced that your child can learn math without the extra help, then it is worth a try. Just be prepared. Many teachers will NOT modify grades or make extra allowances on assignments unless a child is in special education. This could mean that he will fail. As far as alternatives to special education, you may try a boomerang book...this is a folder that travels back and forth between the school and home where the teacher places assignments and uncompleted work. This way you can make sure he is doing all the required classwork. You also may request additional testing. Schools may administer an individual test of achievement and and "IQ" test to see if there is a discrepancy between the two that could indicate a learning disability...but this practice is falling out of favor. Good luck, and don't let a special ed label prevent your child from getting the help he may need to succeed. The face of special ed. is changing, and it means something very different today than what it did in years past.

2007-05-15 01:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

Ma'am, you've already labeled him. You've just told a bunch of people you don't know that you think he's lazy. That's a label, that if even you never say to his face, he picks up in your attitude and thoughts. By not allowing him to get the help he needs, you are dooming him to fail the rest of school, and have a low self-esteem...you say he's smart, but he's failing. There is something wrong there...no one wants to fail.

There are many disorders outside of adhd that would affect someone's learning, I would look into nonverbal learning disorder, because it is one that generally affects the ability of a child to do math, especially as they approach middle school. The math becomes less concrete and the internal visualization is not occurring.

Special ed does not follow you for the rest of his life. If he is evaluated and found needing help, they help him. He will do the same work and get the same diploma as everyone else. My son has nld, as well as aspergers, both of which left him inable to organize on his own, and he often forgot homework, lost it, etc, and he just needed to be taught all the little steps. He needed an adult to prompt him a while until it internalized. By not allowing that to happen, you are dooming him to F grades even though he's smart, and to being an adult who's never learned those steps.

2007-05-15 04:15:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0 1

I was classified from K- College. I have achieved my undergrad to become a teacher, I have achieved my masters in curriculum and technology and I am currently studying for the LSAT (Law entrance exam). Being classified does not hold the same stigma that it did in the early years. There are many great people with learning disabilities. There is no such thing as a lazy child. There is the mentally that I would rather be perceived as Lazy than Stupid. I would rather be perceived as bad then stupid. Just because you have been diagnosed with a learning disability doesn't mean you are not smart. It means you learn differently than the others. In some subjects you have talents and others you need the material to be reviewed and taught in different ways. Not getting your son the help that he needs to achieve to his potential will hurt his chances to get into college rather than his classification of a learning disability.

I have included a link to a website that will clear up some of your concerns. This young man speaks the truth about what it is like not to have the help he needed. He came up on top but it was a long hard road.

2007-05-15 04:13:09 · answer #4 · answered by jvanhoutensped 3 · 0 1

I have been an educator, teaching children from birth through high school, for many years. I did not send my children to public school, and this was part of the reason. Unfortunately, once a child gets a label it sticks forever. It will make a difference in how the teachers see the child, and in how much they expect from him/her. If it is a "Special Ed" child the teacher will not expect much, therefore they child doesn't give much. It will also affect the way the other kids see him. How does your son learn? Reading? Listening? Doing things? I suspect it is in Doing Things--which would be most 11 year old boys. This summer try to find a tutor-type situation where they let the kids work with their hands, not just books. Perhaps this will give you some insight into how you can help your child.

2007-05-15 01:14:51 · answer #5 · answered by littlemama_6144 3 · 2 3

I read your stuff carefully, hon, and quite frankly, if he is a bright kid, you have tried private tutoring, you certainly are doing more than most parents. At 11, this is a critical time....(In two years he hormones kick in and what you see now is just a shadow of what is to come.... trust me.)

I don't have his test scores, and haven't read his folder, if he has been evaluated by a school psychologist, I don't know, and I don't know what your district offers.....(obviously), but in your place, I think I'd first get a total physical on him even if you had one several years ago, and barring nothing, then get the kid in therapy, with someone really skilled in child psychology and psychiatry. You've obviously rewarded him for the good stuff, and held some things back. If he did not test ADHD that doesn't necessarily mean he would not benefit from medication....I have seen kids do just wonderfully on meds, and others nothing with and without an official diagnosis of ADHD

In my district, we try to mainstream kids in special ed, in the courses in which they do well, and pull them in courses in which they are having problems.

I would find it troubling that he will not share with you what is going on at school... and I am guessing it is because he just doesn't wish you to monitor him, and you haven't done so in the past.... and frankly it is about now or never.....and you are going to HAVE to over-ride that with daily communication with his teachers... we have a homework hot line in my school that each teacher records on daily by 3:30p.. Parents can call. We have assignment sheets in some classes instead, where pages and exercises are given and due dates added, given out for each chapter, and scores and grades to date given at the end of each sheet/(chapter) etc., lots of stuff. You may need to set something up with his teacher(s).You need as well, an "If.... Then.." contract with him...
"IF you don't bring your assignment sheets, (or whatever, homework... yadaydya) every day, then.... " And the THEN is usually, "We go back to school and get them, or I go with you to all of your classes the next day, and sit in...." make it tough, and make it stick, and make sure he understands --- write it and put it in his room inside the door so he sees it EVERY morning.... And remember, a kid's memory is about three days. Threaten nothing you cannot do, because then a kid gets the idea, "Adults don't mean what they say..."

He apparently doesn't quite get it that everyone has a job... you have a job, his dad does, and at this point in his life, his job is going to school, whether he likes it or not.... he gets to change that job at age 18....so he has 7 years left, whether he likes it or not.... and you need to drill that, (nicely of course) into the responsibility side of his brain. And further, that the world does indeed need people at age 18 to work at McDonald's ---- you just don't think one of them ought to be him, and still there at age 35. Right now he is not thinking much past next week, and a therapist can help in that area.... He also needs to understand that you will not be supporting him when he is 30, and tho that might not mean much to him at this point, he does need to see what kinds of jobs there are out there, and what kind of an education he needs to qualify.... he may not wish to be a doctor, or rocket scientist, but without a hs diploma, he can't even get any training to be much other than a janitor..... and even they have to take courses....

Write if you have specific questions.

2007-05-15 17:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0 0

Just because he would be in special ed doesn't mean he's lazy. Maybe he is having problems with other kids and thats why he hates it. Have you asked him why he hates it. ADHD doesn't always have to mean hyper. I was diagnosed with it as an adult and I am in no way hyper. I had to go to "special ed" if you wish to call it that when I was in high school because I had problems taking tests in the "general" classroom. Sit down and talk with your son instead of jumping the gun. Also talk with his teachers and such at school they may be noticing things that you never paid attention to before.

2007-05-15 01:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by missi7374 2 · 0 1

I in simple terms prefer to make sparkling what jdeekdee wrote...in simple terms because of the fact someine is specifically training in severe college does no longer recommend that they are going to purely acquire a certificates of attendance. If the scholar completes all commencement standards like all different college prep or tech prep scholar does (it fairly is available, counting on severity of the incapacity) then he or she would be in a position to graduate with a commonly used severe college degree. That being stated, a severe college degree will in all probability no longer say something approximately particular ed and a transcript ought to no longer the two, till the scholar became into specifically ed source training. a replica of the IEP that shows varieties and quantities of centers is the suitable thank you to teach that somebody is specifically ed. that's going to additionally coach the varieties of ameliorations and lodging that have been used at school so as that various the comparable issues could be provided in college (if it fairly is your objective).

2017-01-09 21:40:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

First--yes, being put in special education will label your son--and will also veryliikely result in him not learning what he needs to prepare for college. The label wont follow him into college--but the lack of preparation will.

Obviously, I can't "diagnose" on Y/A. But your son clearly needs counseling of some sort. I'd suggest startingby going to a good child psychologist. But find one independantly of the school system-those that work with them will have a tendency to defer to the school's judgement and you want an independant professional judgement. That may included extended testing for other possible disabilities. Also--if the testing for ADD/ADHD was done by/through the school, have him retested independantly--the testing by sschools is often cursory.

Good luck :)

2007-05-15 04:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 2

You do NOT have to agree for your child to be put in special ed. All you have to do is write a letter to the special ed director stating you do NOT agree to this, and they can't do it.

Schools are suppose to follow the legal step by step process for special education. They are federal laws called IDEA. Did the school do testing on your child to determine he qualified for special ed, or did they just say they are going to put him in it?

They can't just put him in it without first doing an eval to see if he qualifies. And, they can't do the eval unless you sign a parent consent form.

So, if they did NOT do an eval , they can't put him in there! And, if you did not sign a parent consent form, they can't even do the eval!

Go to www.schwablearning.org and sign up for free to post on their parent to parent message board. The people there can help you every step of the way.

So many parents think they have to do what the school says. You DON"T. It is YOUR child, not theirs.

2007-05-15 04:02:45 · answer #10 · answered by jdeekdee 6 · 0 1

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