Should i try to work things out with my wife?

Question

My wife friend got her on crack cocane. She stays out all night long does not come home till i goto work. She gets phone calls all the time and will not tell me.

We had a fight and cops were called and i asked her to leave. She therented to smash my truck and hit me in the chest. I got a restraining order and she out for 15 days. I'm going to court to get it extended for at least 3 months and requesting drug testing for my wife.

She has blow all our money when i took over paying the bills after she was gone there was only 8 dollars left in our account. She maxed out all her credit and have applied for more she owes over 37,000 dollars. 20,000 is her car the rest is credit cards.

I had to cash in my IRA just to keep my house, lucky it in my sister name so that is safe.

I don't know what to do, try to work it out or just end it it is 11 years of my life.

My sons mother wants him to move in with her full time. She does not know what going on.

My son is 14 years old he is from a previous relationship of 7 years.

Answer 1

First, you should definitely separate your bank account from hers and make sure she has no access to them. Then if you think you still love her or that you can actually help her, stay in the marriage.

Answer 2

Well 11 years is a long time with her and i'm sure that you love her. But leaving $8 in your bank account to pay bills is horrible and puts you and your family in an uncomfortable situation. I support you in calling the cops and requesting a drug test. I also support the restraining order you put on her. Its really hard because she is you wife, friend, mother of your kid(s). But like they say sometimes Tough Love is the only way. Your wife needs Rehab and counseling. To hold the marraige ... ask yourself are you really willing to give up 11 years of marraige and maybe even more? No, it won't be easy to stay with her right now but talk to someone after she has fixed her drug problem. Go to Marraige Counseling.

But if you see that she has no interest in leaving behind her new friends and her new habit then you really need to think about your kid(s) first and their well being.

Answer 3

Tell her you love her and ask her to go to a detox center. Give her a couple of chances over say, a month. If she refuses to go, tell her you're going to have a trial separation until she works this stuff out. Take her off all your credit cards as an authorized user. Make all your bills separate. Give the separation a year. At the end of the year, if she still hasn't straightened out, I'm afraid the situation won't get any better with her.

You could lose custody of your son over this and have trouble with family/children's services.

Answer 4

End the 11 years, and begin the rest of your life!!! Your wife is addicted to crack,and it would seem from your question, that you are addicted to her. No matter what you want from her, because what really counts is what she wants for herself. Don't let HER addiction destroy YOU!!! I don't see where you say you are still in love with her, but even if you are, love her from a distance. Your son should be your priority,his happiness and well being is of the utmost importance. You are not responsible for her, but you are responsible for that young man that you call son. If you do the right thing for him, then you have done all that is required of you. Good luck for you and your future....leave the past behind!

Answer 5

Do you love her?
If the answer is yes, than stay.

If you love someone, you help them in their darkest hour and this sounds like it's your wife's darkest.

Get her some help, instead of pushing her away. That will only perpetuate her actions and worsen the situation. Let her know that you love her, that you going to stick with her (becuase she likely feels that anything she does now no longer matters becuase your already going to leave her- making her more destructive) through this and work everything out. That your going to be there and help and support her in her time of need.

If you still love her, then this is what you need to do.
However, if you are too angry to still have any love left, then you need to move on. Otherwise you will make it worse for both of you. It is understandable that you would be very upset, hurt, and angry- but that is different than it taking over your love for her as your wife.

Answer 6

you need to move on hon you cant put u or your son in the danger of what drugs bring if she owes everyone else money its only time till she owes the drug dealers and they come looking for her. You and your son do not need to be in the middle of that. He is your first priority and always should be. As far as the restraining order i would push to get it longer if you can and see if the courts would put her in drug treatment but they may not. She chose drugs over your marriage so you do not need to feel bad about walking away. Like i said your son is your first priority.

Answer 7

Unless your wife has extensive rehabilitation then it's best to move on. Staying in this marriage is only going to tear you apart even more. Is this what you want?

Your son's mother probably knows more than you think especially since your son lives with you and your wife. You need to think of the health and well-being of your son living in YOUR household should you decide to take your wife back.

Once the court system knows their is a parent on drugs etc. they could remove your child from the household. So think carefully here .... please.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

This is some of the toughest questions to answer or at least try to help.

If everything you say is true then she has an addiction problem (obviously) and there is no future for her. It's sad to hear that this happens to you but like I said, there is no future for you and her being together.

She will drag you down..not only emotionally but financially.

God speed for you...I hope you get it worked out. To be blunt, kick her out, continue with the restraining order, remove your name from anything you have jointly and try to continue with your life.

Hopefully no children involved here...that would make it even worse.

Best of luck!

Answer 10

end it now while you still have some sanity left . she needs rehab and there is nothing u can do about that . I know my first husband was hooked on crack and eventually i had to divorce him because I had nothing left and my sons started to suffer .It got so bad my son did not have a pair of shoes to wear to school . I had to buy thrift store clothes for my two sons and that was the last straw . I divorced him and met the man of my dreams two years later . Please do your self and your kids a favor and get a divorce and end it now . good luck and I hope I helped.