People who bring problems on themselves??

Question

I have empathy for those who are suffering from depression and other mood disorders. But what I don't understand is those who 'bring there issues on themselves'.

For example, A friend of mine. Her family were well off and she had a loving, caring family. But one day she decided she was sick of that and started doing drugs, drinking, sleeping around etc. And soon after, her grades dropped and she became depressed.

This girl who was silly and brought it all on herself is now depressed and I feel some what angry. I was original going to our school counsellor and she'd come occasionally. In those 2months of going to the counsellor, my sessions became her sessions.

I had been sexually abuse and raped and I needed some one to talk to about my feelings. Then along comes my friend with issues controlled by herself!

I know we all make mistakes but some people need to wake up!

Do you agree?

I don't see a counsellor anymore.

Rusty... So you're say that this girl can go out and smoke weed every weekend, get drunk, have sex, end up with an unwanted child, have an abortion and then we can all be sympathetic with her? Even though SHE smoked that joint and SHE drunk that alcohol and SHE had unprotected sex?

She suffers no consequences and she believes that her problems are more important that other girls at my old school who were abused or suffered from other non preventable problems???

Answer 1

first of all, sorry for what happened to you. you seem to handle things better than she can. yes i agree with you but at some point, some people are just not happy with their lives even if everything seems to go great. its a very complicated situation. it might seems great to someone else, but not great for her. sounds like she just wants something new and explore things out there but she did it in a wrong way and that caused her depression. and maybe you need to have seperate sessions so you can talk to your counsellor alone. she needs to be strong enough to over come her own problems because atleast she got a loving family and she should realize how lucky she is to have that.

Answer 2

Hello dear,

You should be careful how you judge such people, you don't know what her mitigating circumstances are. First of all, do both her parents work? Perhaps this is why she is well off? If could be that her apparent loving family isn't as loving as they seem and her needs fell through the cracks in lieu of having more money. Also you don't know what happens behind closed doors. My mother won the mother of the year award, no kidding, yet she would abuse me in ways you couldn't even imagine. Everyone who knew her loved her, and she appeared on the surface as the best mother you have ever seen. She also could have been sexually assaulted and you do not know this because she is ashamed and never shared it. There are many things that could have come into play that you have no idea about. There is a saying I learned in therapy, you are not responsible for who you have become, but you are responsible for who you are. We are not responsible for the mistakes that our parents made that gave us cognitive malfunctions, but we are responsible for how we deal with them and move on. Seems that she is just trying to find her way out of where she is now, and I could bet the depression came before the acting out, it just wasn't as noticilbe. She should be held accountable for her actions, but understand that they are a cry for help, so there is likely a problem that you don't know about that caused the onset.

Everyone has problems and everyone's problems are the biggest because they are their own. Keep your head high and be careful not to be self-righteous as if your issues somehow trump everyone elses, they take away from the truly unique individual you are. Take it with a grain of salt, be grateful that you were strong enough not to go the route she did and take up the couseling problems with the principal. You should be allowed your time.

Answer 3

Only your friend can answer your question about why she went on this self-destructive path.She probably doesn't even know why herself.If she was feeling depressed or felt her life was missing something she was not able to make sound decisions.Perhaps her life only appeared idyllic because most people do not air their problems to others for fear of being judged.Your friend should be encouraged to continue with her counceling.My sister gave me a fridge magnet and I've had it on my fridge for many years.It simply says " A friend will say nice things about you behind your back" You friend needs your support not your judgement. Sometimes people need to reach rock bottom(which your friend has) to make changes in their life.She is aware she made bad choices and is now seeeking to get her life back on track.She knows she not only let other people down but she let herself down. Your life has been filled with tragic events which you had no control over and that is why you are so angry, you feel that she at least could have chosen to do the right thing. People who are having mental health issues have lost control of their life and are unable to make sound decisions.Would you think that a person who thought that suicide was their only option as making a sound choice.Our opinions are mostly based upon our own frame of reference not someone elses.Your encouraging words could be what it takes for your friend to see life in a new way.You cannot control how she handles her life but you can just be their for her. .In life we should leave our fingerprints on peoples hearts (lives) not footprints.

Answer 4

The Parable of the Fish and the Finnegan

The fish swam into the stream because it was warm, and the water in the lake was cold. He ate plants in the stream he wasn't allowed to eat in the lake. The Finnegan stayed in the lake and got bit by a shark. The fish took a first step, because it is a very bad lake, but still needed the Fisherman to get him out because it was a lake that was drying up and the Fisherman caught him in a net and took him to another lake. The Finnegan in the lake waited for the Fisherman to respond to something obvious.

Answer 5

All "issues" are brought on by the person themselves. When you refer to "mood disorders", where do you think that disorder is "located"? In the person himself. Even in your situation; while the circumstances themselves were NOT brought on by you, the issues that you harbored afterwards WERE, in fact, brought on by you. It was your perspective of the situation that caused the problems, not the problem itself. She may have consciously chosen the ACTIONS, but the results of those actions were not necessarily a conscious choice. In short, no, I don't agree with you.

For more on what I'm talking about, look up rational-emotive therapy, or Albert Ellis.

Answer 6

Much in life is a self done to self thing. Everyone has there own path in life that hopefully will lead them to self discovery. There are people in this world that will not change even though there life is falling down around them. Some may even keep their bad acts until it kills them.

Why do you care about this girl anyway? Have tried to help her and she rejected it?

I don't feel sorry for most people in this world because I realize every path is unique. I just try to help those that are willing to accept help and don't sweat the rest.

Answer 7

Off course the problem is deeper than may seem. self destruction comes when there are no strokes. also drugs and..... you know a little masochism is inside every female.
there are levels of depression. the consultant can tell your friend is suffering from which kind. she may suggest a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. i hope it will work. but don't worry. this is not a mistake. it is rather an uncounscience choice.

Answer 8

Absolutely. First, for your own problems, I would recommend that you let your counselor know that you want to meet one-on-one without your friend. If your friend wants to talk to the counselor then she should make her appointment separately. As for your friend's self-induced problems, sometimes these can be a reaction to something else that isn't apparent. Urge her to see the counselor on a regular basis. It's the counselor's job to help your friend either find and resolve the "real" problem or to tell her to shape up.

Answer 9

Everyone's problems are just as important to them as the next person's. She should not be monopolizing your counseling time however. She should make her own appointment time with the counselor. You never know what goes on in someone's life that may be causing grief. Just treat her the way you like to be treated and you will feel good in the end about it for sure.

Answer 10

No, I don't agree. Unless you've lived in this girl's shoes, you have no idea what's behind her emotional breakdown. No one just starts living the way she has, without a reason.
I empathize with your situation but, if it bothers you that she's getting help too, maybe you need to seperate yourself from her and carry on with your own sessions. You seem more concerned with the help she's getting, than dealing with your own situation.