Do you like my poem it my first attempt at one for kids? its called SLEEPING IS A PARTY?

Question

Do you like my poem it my first attempt at one for kids?
For the kiddies

Are you not sleepy tonight my little one?
Close your eyes and we'll have some fun,
Imagine a story,
That lasts the hole night through,
With elephants and tigers,
Zebra’s and galahs,
Princesses and pirates and racing cars,

Sleeping is a party,
You can invite all of your friends,
So get your self comfy,
Get ready for the show,
Sleeping means dreaming so
Go go go!

Princesses and pirates are having a dance,
Tigers are singing to the elephant,
I see a turtle,
He is lost in the crowd,
Oh here comes a mouse,
To show him around,
I see a little fairy,
Fast asleep in a cup,
Covered by a petal,
Roses are made of,

Kangaroos are jumping,
Into lollipop cheese,
Rainbow puddles,
They are up to their knees,
Bumble bees are buzzing,
Alligators roar,
Galahs are laughing,
At the people at the door,
There are witches and warlocks,
Tied into knots,
Their magic spells have just got lost,
There are all kinds of things,
Animals and plants,
Dancers and singers and acrobats,

So no matter what you’re doing,
Now its time to go to bed,
Sweet dreams can be happening,
Whatever’s in your head,
You can tell me in the morning,
Because I’d really like to know,
You can tell me in the morning,
If you enjoyed the show.

Answer 1

I think it's really good. I've just read it to my children and they absolutely love it!

Answer 2

Okay, here comes the old fuddy duddy. If you are not going to rhyme a poem don't stop after the first two lines. It gets the poem off to a false rhythm. Work a bit and you'll have an excellent poem.

Answer 3

haha get some Roman Candles 10 shot, Black Cats 1000 roll, and a couple of Saturn Missile 100 shot batteries and turn their party into hell from above make that **** rain down upon thy neighbor to teach them a lesson in courtesy...haha my friend if that don't work join em show a few a tricks...and who says you cant teach an old dog new tricks? (interpreting question as if your were a bit older mid 30's early 40's)

Answer 4

The poem is not so technical. But since your target audience are kids, the poem can be very interesting. Good luck!

Answer 5

This is not the place to get the best feedback on a poem. I suggest that you publish it to Gather and see what those literary folks think of it.

Answer 6

Lovely !
Congrats

Answer 7

thats very cute! there are some spelling mistakes, but other than that, it made me smile, good work!

Answer 8

holy cow, this poem made it so i'm not depressed anymore

Answer 9

wow.....kids would love that poem

Answer 10

hats so cute and good!