he doesn't. Am I wasting my time. Should I just let our relationship stay the way it is or if I want to get married and he doesn't should I just get out of the relationship?
2007-05-14 15:18:55 · 21 answers · asked by Birdlegs 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I stayed because I love him and he kept saying we would get married. Now all this time has gone by and we are not married. The last two years have been very hard for us, finances, health problems, children (mine) and I just feel like we are going downhill and the fact that he won't marry makes it worse.
2007-05-14 15:30:17 · update #1
Only you can answer that. My answer is to seek someone who will marry you though. He likes things as they are, obviously. Are you ready to call his bluff? There is risk there. I would suggest that the commitment of marriage is worth that risk.
Take time to pray about how to handle this.
2007-05-14 15:33:50 · answer #1 · answered by Bob T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Appears that is does not love you enough to make a commitment, he may have other hidden reasons like if he cheats there is not guilt, if you separate and separate ways there is no alimony or splitting of property.
Problems you may l encounter as the years pass will be related to social security benefits, life insurance if something happens to him, medical treatment if either one of you are unable to make decesions on your own, if something happened to you who would finish raising any minor children, if you were unavailable and a child needs emergency health care--care may be delayed, issues related to bank accounts, auto and home ownership, retirement savings at work if any, and etc.
He has a wonderful arrangement no exposure but a committed woman.
I wish you the best in what ever you do.
2007-05-14 22:41:58 · answer #2 · answered by oldcorps1947 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't married you by now, he isn't going to. Ask yourself if you want to throw away 20 years over this. If marriage is more important to you, then yes, you are wasting your time. I, personally, would not want to be with a man who couldn't be respectable enough to make an honest woman of me after 20 years. Whatever you do, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Take care, and I hope that you find your answer :o)
2007-05-14 22:26:27 · answer #3 · answered by missylit 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you honestly think after 20 years that he's going to change his mind? Don't bank on it. No one can tell you what to do. That depends on what is more important to you--a marriage certificate (which does serve a legal purpose, because as his wife you are entitled to certain benefits under the law…ie social security) or the relationship.
By the way, upforit’s statement about common law marriage is incorrect. There are VERY FEW states in the U.S. that still recognize common law marriage, and even in the ones that do it requires MORE than merely having lived together.
2007-05-14 22:29:42 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have lived with this man for last 20 years! What were you thinking when he didn't want to get married? If you really love this person and are OK with him not wanting to get married, then you will stay otherwise, you need to examine your feelings and the reality of the situation and move forward rather than staying just to please him. Talk to him and tell your innermost feelings and if he is adamant on his ideas only, then you stand your grounds too.
2007-05-14 22:26:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship is going downhill, why would marriage solve that problem? No one here can answer your question. If you want to get married, and it's very important to you, but he will not marry you, then it's pretty self-evident what your choice is.
2007-05-14 22:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by x2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
20 years is a long time..if you want to live with him, i doubt he will give marriage a thought after 20 years either. so if just marriage is on your mind now..get out of the rleationship, find someone who echoses your thoghts and WANTS to get married.
If you want a companionship...then stay put with him, without bringing the question of marriage, I will only irritate him now. Nothing else.
Good Luck...
2007-05-14 22:30:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. get out of the relationship Why have you waited so long, Find a man who shares the same dream, Why should you settle for less than what you want,,,, Make yourself happy. If he wanted to get married he would have asked you a long time ago. good luck....kitkatz06.
2007-05-14 22:36:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer this. If you truly want marriage, and he doesn't, then you need to decide which is more important--him or the marriage certificate. After so many years, he may not see any reason to get married. What is his reason for not marrying ?
2007-05-14 22:34:25 · answer #9 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why should he want to get married when he has it all already ??????? i mean for the past ten you have wanted to but havent said anything......if he loves you you leaving will not be a option...but to stay is up to you i or no one else can tell you to leave and you actually do it....if you leave things how they are though marriage is nothing but a dream for you.....he is settled and contents he gots the punany any time he wants it and he has got fat on it.....heck, meals cleaning and punany nope he is content........think you have to maybe move out and get your own lace and let him know how you feel and be true to your words dont give in by him holding and kissing you...not time for hints hints went out the door years ago...you have spent your best times shaking up with nothing to show from it.....time to get busy on what you want out of this relationship especially if you want kids or want something better for them
2007-05-14 22:37:14 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋