After 13 years of searching, my first love and i finally found each other. We have not communicated except through email. We are both married and realize that if we agree to meet eachother we would end up in an affair. So after 4 months of emailing we decided we should at least try and meet for lunch in July. He started to confess that he was still 110% deeply in love with me and felt bad that he felt this way, but I was his one true love. etc. etc. So I have three questions...
1. Can you hang on to someone for 13 years and still pick up where you left off when you were 15 and 17 if you were truly in love.
2. He freaked out and sent me a wonderful and thoughtful goodbye letter and says he just can't bear the pain of seeing me, Was that the truth, why would he freak out?
3. Do I persue this? Do you fight for someone you loved so deeply or do you leave your past alone?
2007-05-14 14:58:23 · 15 answers · asked by Little_Red 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well heres what i think, you once had something when you were both kids and now you want to pick up where you left off? i dont think so. think about it , if you were meant ofr each other dont you think you wouldnt have gotten married? and wouldnt he have waited for you too. it wasnt meant to be. i say you jus tbe friends. you are trying to make something happen that should have happened and did happen when you were kids. to answer your questions.................. ..........
your first love you can never forget!!! the love will always be there. it is puppy love but it is not worth ruining your life for it.
he is freaking out because he doesnt want to hurt his wife or ruin his family. he loves his wife but is not ready to have an affair with you or anyone.
i think you shouldnt pursue this, i think you should just be friends and thats it. start something new by talking about each others family that might take away the stress of having an affair if you keep tlaking about your hubby and his wife. good luck.
2007-05-14 15:12:18 · answer #1 · answered by Christina 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You idealized him 13-years ago, and when things got bad in your life, you found someone who could fill this void....him.
He is a catalyst in order to let you realize - and rectify decisions - you have made. The decision you make to leave your spouse is between you and you.
Sometimes you can pick up where you left off, but most of the time, the things that broke you up in the first place still linger. You both have changed due to time, obligations and age.
Dig deep within yourself and decide - if my first love did not leave his spouse after I left my spouse, would it still be the right decision?
Only you can answer that question.
If your marriage is bad, cut your losses and move on. If he's man enough FOR YOU AFTER your post marriage breakup, stay with him. If he's not, are you willing to invest another few years to nurse him to the point where you can recapture the blissful moments of the past? What if he didn't? Would it still be worth it? After 13-years of misery, wouldn't you want, no think, you deserve some pleasure?
Bottom line is don't get caught up in his drama (freaking out). He's only freaking out because you're his scapegoat/catalyst. Unless he's willing to truthfully make the same sacrifices for his future, you'll just be moving from one unsatisfying situation into another.
Love is blind, but in this situation I have no crystal ball so: Do what is right for you.
Best wishes,
Sam
2007-05-14 15:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a committed relationship now, and it cant work if you start out a new one as an affair. First your in love with the child you knew then. Just like the things that you liked when you were 20 doesnt mean that you like them now. I feel that you are more in love with the idea of him then with the actual person. No you shouldnt met if you know that you are going to cheat, you both would need to end the relationships that you are end before starting a new one.
2007-05-14 15:05:39 · answer #3 · answered by mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting situation. The part that is even more interesting is that you are both married. Hmm. How does that work. True love and married to others. Doesn't quite add up here. Well let's meet and if that doesn't feel right we can return to our respective partners. Hello. End the current relationship, get yourself together and then dive into this new thing. Don't cute corners.
2007-05-14 15:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can ! I met up with my first love after five years and we connected and fell in love we are so happy and are going on 3 years married this November! It can happen and we loved eachother when we were 15 and 16. I say go for it!
2007-05-14 15:02:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds romantic, but it is really just deceiving...
You are thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but the truth is...you are married and so is he!
You need to work on your current relationship issues with your husband...don't be fooled into thinking that this other guy will be faithful if you got together, anyway. If he will act this way with his current spouse, he will do the same thing to you.
Character counts!
Neil
2007-05-14 15:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by Neil S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are only communicating online then chances are it won't work out in real life. This happens so often and people still don't get it that this is a virtual reality and real life is not going to be as smooth. You need to get out of your marriage first anyway. Hope you don't have kids.
2007-05-14 15:08:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that the only reason that you ask this question is to try to get others to validate your stupendous selfishness. Can you really not see how self-serving it is to even consider this adulterous relationship when you know what it will do to the people you're married to? True Love is selfless. Please try learn a little something about truth and honor.
2007-05-14 15:29:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One might well ask, what does marriage and all of those vows mean to you? Sure you can meet and rekindle an old spark, and you can ruin two other lives in the process, the lives of those individuals you promised to care for through good times and bad.
2007-05-14 15:03:24 · answer #9 · answered by John B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You made vows to your husband, and you have already broken one of them. If you truly want to have a wonderful marriage with your husband, you will bring back the romance. Relationships need to be nurtured and it's your fault that you feel this way. We do not fall out of love, we choose to fall out of love.
2007-05-14 15:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by SillierKimmy! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋