2007-05-14 14:18:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and I are lives like 45 minutes away. My mom calls me everyday yelling in my phone asking why have you do ne this why haven't you done that ? I want to live my life according to the way I want to. My mom has never been married, yet she wants to tell me how I should treat my husband. My dad and her fought every day of the week. I don't want my kids to be witnesses to something like that. Today, she tells me that she is a shame> I asked her why. She replies that she has raised some sorry *** kids and that hurt. All my life I have had to listen to her talk about how other members of the family kids have done so some much better than us or tell other people kids are better than us. I have tried to bury those feelings but the more she talks the more they conme back. Some times she start talking crazy to my husband I have to tell her to just shut up don't talk to him like that> I want to respect her but she make it so hard.
2007-05-14 14:36:02 · update #1
a little more info would help.
EDIT- time to break the ties that bind. you've tried talking to her, it doesn't work. she sounds like she has an emmotional issue and you can't fix that. sometimes, in order to find peace and happiness, we have to break free from the people or things that cause us pain. i know it may sound harsh but it may be the only way. let her know that you'll no longer listen to her harsh words and to not bother calling until she can be a decent person. i hope all works out.
2007-05-14 14:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 29 married with a family. Your Mom won't let you live your own life the way your want because simply: YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO ALLOW HER TO RUN YOUR LIFE! Now just step back a bit and re-evaluate the situation. Maybe you have issues with conflict - perhaps your Mom is a controlling type individual. Whatever the case may be. You need to grab hold of what is yours - being your life - your family etc. and stand up for yourself and your family. Not an easy task but something that you need to do yourself for it to work effectively. Once you know what you want - have a "sit-down" with Mom and explain how you feel and what you need to happen in your life in order to feel comfortable. Depending on your Mom and your approach a variety of responses could arise. She'll either agree with you and offer to help in whatever way she can. She might scream and holler at you and tell you you don't know what you're doing - She'll sit down and cry and say you don't love her - or she'll stomp out of your life and not speak to you for a very long time. WHATEVER HAPPENS - you need to stick to your convictions. These things usually turn around in a matter of time. Good Luck! And be strong!
2007-05-14 14:36:28 · answer #2 · answered by cleesurrey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is family, but your husband and children are now primary. When she does those things, cut her off and change the subj, or if she just has to be heard out, hear it, and disregard it, its her opinion doesnt mean you have to take it. Sounds like you have resentment towards your mom. Change your phone number, dont give her the number, take time to heal yourself, then call her from a payphone or bests send a letter so she cant interrupt and tell her why you are doing this, remind her you love her and end it on a positive note, you have to initiate the adult behavior, with no shut up's or swears, okay? Tell her all thats wrong and hows shes hurt you but also tell her you do desire to have in your life, to your standards, if she cant meet them then tell her, you rather be sad and miserable missing her than sad and miserable with her in your life.
2007-05-15 01:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you let her run your life but you sound like your ready for it to stop and the only way it will is for you to stop it.
It's time to sit your mom down and have the mother/daughter talk and let her know how you feel. You have to be honest and tell your mom exactly what you don't like. Hopefully she will get the message and back off. I know because my wife had to do the same thing with her mom and now there very close her mom told me she didn't know the things she was doing was bothering her daughter so after there talk she stopped.
Hopefully you have the same experience.......Good Luck.
2007-05-14 14:42:49 · answer #4 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she starts yelling at you, hang up. When she calls back, don't answer. Write her a letter and tell her she has done her job and you are grown now and you will not tolerate being treated like a little child.
Also you should take an English class.
2007-05-14 14:42:19 · answer #5 · answered by supertop 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard "Those who can't do, teach." Not only that, but when you have a mother, there are natural feelings to protect and guide your children in their life. That should never cease. However, it sounds like your mother need to be a little more sensitive to your feelings and show more respect for you as an adult.
2007-05-14 15:01:59 · answer #6 · answered by student2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to have to tell you but you already know the answer....your mother is trying to run your life and you are going to have to tell her to step away and just be a grand mother or loose you all....or it might end up ruining your marriage....you have said it all so you know what you need to do....and like you said your 29 with a family of your own.....well time to start acting like it.....your not the kid that she can hurt any more and sounds like your husband is on your side.....i think you need to have a talk with your mother and tell her what is on your mind....
2007-05-14 15:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is bored and trying to live her life through yours tell her to back off. Dont ring or contact her for a while try to get some distance between her and your family. Dont tell her personal things about you and your family. Dont talk to her about things that you know you have different opinions on.
2007-05-14 14:27:56 · answer #8 · answered by Kellie M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seem to me you have a very protective mum. well nothing wrong with that since you're a parent yourself you should be able to put yourself into her shoes!!
anyway... i know you're an adult but it all depend on relationship info you're feeding her too.. etc you're tell her stuff about your spouse that's negetive - that will worry her.
try to feed her with positive info about your relationship and if still living together.. time to move out!!
ps.. she cares and love you..all mean well..
2007-05-14 14:26:48 · answer #9 · answered by Aussie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she might just be protective of you
i know i would once my kids grow up
i would really be protective of them because they are part of me and i would want no one to hurt them cause it would just kill me as well
so she might just be protective but she might be showing it the wrong way.
i admit that some parents dont know how to show love but if your with them long enough, you know how they show their own love towards you
2007-05-14 14:25:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋