Should I write my husbands father even though they have not spoken in ten years?

Question

My husband has not spoken to or seen his father in ten or more years. We got married a year ago and my husband still thought he should send his dad an invitation so he did. (his sister and his dad still talk every once in a while) Instead of coming to the wedding we got back another letter that said he was getting married as well and pretty much just said a bunch of crap as though he did nothing wrong in never seeing his son. He asked for us to send him some pictures and he included his phone number. My husband has never responded. He says if his dad wants to talk to him then he needs to call him since he's the father. I want to write his dad and tell him how horrible he has been in not contacting his son and how bad my husband feels every time the conversation comes up about his dad. Would it be ok to write his dad and not tell him? or should i write him and tell him? i've tried to ask him before if i could write him but he said i should have nothing to say to him, what do i do

My husband and his dad were very very close, my husbands mom actually left his dad because his dad was bad into selling stuff and drugs so people were actually out to kill him and his family so she left and took the kids and he didn't contact them because i guess he thought it was better. He said in his letter it took him awhile to put his life back together and now he has. He never said he wouldn't come to the wedding he just agreed to send pics which he took as he wasn't coming and he didn't. I would not be rude to him, i would just let him know how he has affected his son's life and would like him to call him one day to put everything behind them.

Answer 1

You should stay out of this, this is your husband's problem with his father. He will not appreciate you butting in like this, not at all. Encourage your husband to either try to contact his dad, or put it all behind him, but never ever EVER do anything behind his back like that, even if you think it's for his own good.

If you do want to write his dad, make sure your hubby agrees with you, and let him read the letter before you send it. I wouldn't do it though, it's not your problem, it's your husband's. I realize that makes it your problem though, because you love and care for your hubby, but don't do this. Your hubby has even told you that you should have nothing to say to his dad, so that tells me he wouldn't agree with you doing this.

Answer 2

First, I don't think you should do anything behind your husband's back because that is only going to cause problems between the two of you. It sounds like your husband is unforgiving which is sad because that hurts him more than it does his father.

I would write the father, with my husband's knowledge that I am doing so, just to say hi and share what has happened in your life this last year. Don't accuse his dad of anything because you don't have both sides of the story and that is going to alienate him even further. Keep things cheerful and friendly and include your phone number and ask them to call sometime. Good luck

Answer 3

Number one you should respect your husband's wishes. Number two if you WERE to contact his father you have no right to call HIM horrible for not wanting to keep in contact with his son. Obviously their "breach" came before you met your husband and you are basically an "outsider", the man has every right not to want to have anything to do with his son based on the fact that he is an adult and has CHOICES. What you think of his choices is a moot point as you are not a part of those choices. Your husband's father had every right to let you know he would not be attending your wedding. The fact that you didn't like that has no bearing on anything NO ONE has the obligation to attend a wedding just because they get an invitation. Grow up.

Answer 4

Believe it or not, there are some things in life that just aren't fixable. I believe this is one of them. Now is not the time to sprinkle your fairy dust on everything to make it better because you want it that way. These are very deep rooted issues that may never be dealt with - and maybe it's for the best. Your husband held out the peace offering first - and his father, for whatever reason rejected it. Please don't put your husband in a position of being rejected yet once again. Perhaps it's time to be realistic and let it go. Your husband would probably be very grateful for that.

Answer 5

Oh yeah, writing him and telling him he has been a bad father will do wonders for the future. You (and your husband) have no idea why he stayed away from his own son (probably the ex wife drove him away). Now is the time to drop the past. Send him some pictures of the wedding and some current pictures. Keep it light and friendly. Otherwise just just keep out of it.

Answer 6

Do not contact your husbands father, telling him how much your husband is hurting. That's not your place. Your place, however, is to rekindle the relatonship between father and son. The best way to do this is always offer words of encouragement to your husband when he's feeling down about his father. Support him in every way but never say anything bad about his father or to his father. Trust me, your husbands father knows the pain his son is going through but he may find it kind of awkward to make the first move, considering the history. Your father in law may not have answers to some of the questions your husband has for him.

My suggestion is to keep in contact with your father in law. You do not have to tell your husband. there are certain things us wives have to hide for a while before we can share with our husbands. Once you establish a relationship with the father in law, it will give you leverage on intiating a meeting between the two.

Good luck and God bless...

Answer 7

"Brit24"
Listen to all the folks who answered your call. Don't do anything - leave it alone. These two men are adults and don't want another adult telling them how to behave, when to contact each other or how to treat each other....the deep rift must have been caused by something big.

Be happy in your life, love your husband...after all he is the one you married and not the father or any of the other relatives.

Answer 8

I have a slightly contrary view to the majority of responders. I do want to urge you to write a letter, but here are the two key requirements for you: 1. write it in a positive tone, saying that you are asking for him to reestablish a connection with his son because it would benefit both. "I love him and I want him to be happy. Reconnecting with you could make him happier." Do NOT get negative or preachy in the letter.
2. Show this to your husband so he can see that it is positive and encouraging and intended for him to be happy.

Answer 9

Stay out of it...Apparently something has happened between the two in the past and neither one wants to take responsiblity for their actions. As much as you want to help your husband better his relationship with his dad, the only thing you can do stay out of it

Answer 10

Stay out of it. This is between your husband and his father. You are not involved, no matter how much you love hubby or how much you *want* to be involved. Personally, I’d be VERY UPSET if my spouse did something like this behind my back.