How can I stop being ashamed of being half black?

Question

Ok I know this is an odd question but here goes. I am half Chinese and half black. My mother is from Hong Kong and after coming to the US she met my father, who is black, who was in the military. He left us when I was 3.

I have grown up around my mom's family and I have always felt like an outsider. They always made me feel ashamed to be half black, like I wasn't as good as my cousins because they were full blooded Chinese. Whenever I was in the city with my aunts and we would see obnoxious black people, my aunts would say things to me like "You need to be careful to make sure that you don't turn out like that. Don't sell drugs and be a menace to society." Throughout my childhood I always hated myself and wished so desperately that I could somehow get rid of my black self.

Now that I'm grown up I know that these bad feelings are not rational, and that I should not be ashamed of my black heritage, but I can't help it. I just can't get rid of those thoughts. What can I do?

Answer 1

It sounds like you were ashamed because you were conditioned to be from early childhood. Not all black people sell drugs or are a menace to society. Instead of being ashamed, look up black history and be proud of who and what you are.

Answer 2

It sounds like there was racism in your own family growing up and this left a scar on you. You have to accept the value of your black heritage and not let other people decide what about you is of quality and what is not; you are a unique person, and a mixed heritage is something very common in the United States. I'm from Australia and it's the same over there; being of mixed race means that you can draw strength and inspiration from two sources instead of just one. I'm a white man, but have always admired black artists, activists, scientists and politicians. Black people have achieved remarkable things despite having the odds against them and this strength is something admirable. White people--myself included--can't imagine what it's like to grow up with racism and I'm sorry to hear that you're family didn't help you to embrace your total heritage. If you are looking for black role models to help you get over your sense of shame, look no further than W.E.B. DuBois, Angela Davis, Aretha Franklin, Tom Morelo of the band Rage Against The Machine(Also mixed race), Tiger Woods(also mixed race), the list goes on and on. Good luck, mate, and never feel ashamed of who you are~Jack

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I am the mother of a mixed race child, my husband is half japanese half german and I am irish. As a teenager, my husband had a really hard time especially with the asian girls who rejected him mostly because he wasn't 'japanese enough'. The white girls were a little better but mostly he felt he couldn't catch a break no matter what he did.
My son seems to have it better, the younger generation doesn't seem to see race as a problem as much.( the girls seem to like my son just fine)
All I can say is I think things will get better the older you get. There is nothing wrong with being black or any other race and there are a lot of people (including me) who think mixed race people are usually quite beautiful and a persons character has nothing to do with what race they are.
Your dad may be an ***, but so is mine, hang in there and try to get beyond the self loathing. IT DOES get better!!!!!

Answer 4

wow!
This is heavy!
I applaud you for sharing such a deep and troubling question.
I could see this being a traumatic thing for you growing up.
Being mixed can be tough and it is magnified for you by being half Black, because Chinese people are not tolerant by nature to outsiders.
The fact that you did not have much or any influence from
your father and his culture creates an even larger chasm for your self-esteem/Chinese relatives.

I suggest you begin to separate yourself from your extended family and do some soul searching to gain some balance and self-recognition.
You are unique. You have dual heritages to feed off of and it is your duty and responsibility to represent yourself to society as man of character and integrity.
Allowing others to define you, even family, is shameful.
You had no part in the creation of yourself, but you are here nonetheless. Make the most of it!
You have the greatest influence on your life and attitude so discontinue allowing the WORDS of your family and relatives to hinder you and your outlook on life.
I wish you well.

Answer 5

First of all you have to start loving yourself for who you are and not what people think about you. Make peace with yourself and be proud to be half black and half chinese because it is not the colour of your skin that defines who you are but you personality, character and what you stand for says everything about who you are. At times you have to ignore some of the things people say about you especially when it deals with trivial things such as skin colour. Be proud of yourself and there would be no way anyone else can be ashamed of you.

Remember your self esteem depends on you and no one else. Someone can only make you be ashamed of yourself if you let them. So just feel good about yourself; it is the only way anyone else can feel good about you.

Answer 6

Why be ashamed of the color of your skin, it's not black people who commit crimes, it's influenced by culture and poverty, I could just as soon find any color a person who commits the same crime. No offense to anyone and not to say that anyone here is racist at all, but things like racism and indifference are the main reason this world has so much trouble advancing. What color your skin is does not change your character, anyone who judges your otherwise is not worth your time.

Answer 7

Tell those stupid aunts that they hurt you with those racial remarks when you were a child and they still hurt today. Then walk away and never speak to them again. You are not valued by your skin color but because you are a precious and loving human being. You are special and you will always be special. Hold your head high and be the best that you can be. And by the way, when you grab the "brass ring" don't lend money to your aunts who will try to make you feel guilty for being rich.

Answer 8

The best way to stop being ashamed of being black is to...
become a sports fan.

Now that you're grown up, just let it go. Get a college education, have a fine career, get married, have a family of your own. You're an individual. Your destiny is in your own hands.

Answer 9

Hey john j.
don't feel ashamed of who you are. And don't hate yourself. I'm half scottish and half arabic so I kind of know what it's like to be stereotyped. As soon as people find out I'm half arabic, they're like " watch out everyone he's probably a terrorist". And that sucks when people assume you're something you're not. So my answer to you is it's very hard to change the way people think. so in that department you'll just have to learn to accept it. they may not accept you, but maybe your acceptence will influence them to change. and most importantly don't be so hard on yourself.
be proud of who you are, not ashamed. as long as you're a good, moral person, it doesn't matter what color you are. Hope this helps you. good luck.

Answer 10

Others have 'named' you. You need to discover who you really are called to be on this earth. Start a journey of self discovery. The people who helped shape you got it wrong, you have the choice now as an adult to believe them or to move forward and be who you are really meant to be. Hopefully on this journey you will discover you have a rich blend of nationalities and gifts and skills that make you uniquely you! You wouldn't be you if you didn't have the genes you where born with. Instead of seeing yourself as 'different' see yourself as 'special' because you are.
A practical way to do this is to live your dreams, think about what it was you wanted to be when you where little, what brought you joy, what inspired you? Now work towards doing it. Each small step is a journey in itself. Boulders can be obstacles or stepping stones, it's your choice.
Start your journey today and become who you are really meant to be.