How do I get my in-laws to give us more notice of family get togethers?

Question

Every time it's a holiday or birthday, my in-laws let us know at the last minute what their plans are and expect us to show up. My husband does not seem to be as bothered by this, it really bothers me when I have to cancel other plans because of them though. Oh, we've been married about two years.

We do call them and ask times etc. beforehand, they are always very vague until the day before sometimes.

Answer 1

From now on I would tell them that you have made previous plans and as much as you would like to attend their function, there is no way you can back out of plans made weeks in advance. Ask them very nicely to give you a little notice, so that you do NOT make conflicting plans and make sure you stick to your guns on this one!

Answer 2

My dad's family makes notifications of events the responsibility of the patriarch of each family unit ... when some family event is planned they call my dad with the expectation that he'll make the proper notification to my brother and I; which he never does. We have a family reunion coming up and my brother and I found out because my aunt sent an invite to my mom (her ex-sister-in-law) and my mom told us. My dad swears he told both of us (I know he didn't). There really isn't much you can do except not go. Don't change any plans when they call at the last minute, apologize that you have a prior commitment or plan and you will be unable to attend but in the future more notice would be helpful.

Answer 3

Get a planner to right down b-days cause that'll give you a little heads up. And I would just kindly keep extra close contact with them cause sometimes in-laws cause be a pain in the you know what. They seem to love kindness but dont kiss their you know what. But sending them decent presents on holidays and little cute things throughout the year could bridge thing and make them feel somewhat closer to ya. gl ok

Answer 4

I'd call a bit more often. If you're pretty close to them this is a nice option. That and when you call around holidays blatantly ask them when and around what time they'll be getting together and at what time. Everytime I talk to my stepmom she tells me a date and I tell her if I'm available around the time, not too much later than when I need to hop a plane. Good luck!

Answer 5

You are probably over-reacting. They can't possibly expect you to drop all your already-made plans and attend their get togethers. I wouldn't sweat it, just go ahead and do what you had planned in the first place. Then use your best manners and tell them "thanks for the invitation but we've already made other plans".

Answer 6

Ugh I know exactly what your talking about.. My ex in laws did that crap all the time.. It was a pain.. Ruined all my plans, I just stopped attending, Didn't help the marriage much.. But I don't know what to tell you.. Have you tried talking to them and saying "hey can you please let us know in advance.."

Answer 7

My inlaws plan things last minute too.

If we already have plans, we tell them that we already have plans. I DO NOT reschedule plans that were made already.

Now, after 12 years, they give us much more notice.

Answer 8

mine do it all the time and fianally i stood up and said...sorry but we have already made plans with my family because yall said you weren't doing anything maybe next time....i just quit trying to please everyone in my hubby's family and made plans elsewhere and stuck to them, it's not fair for you to change your plans when they didn't have the decency to give you any noitce besides just a day...

Answer 9

You could inform them ahead of time of your plans.