Got an answer to one of my other questions this morning that really made me think. The answerer said that you don't have commitment in a relationship until you are married. Am I the only person out there who doesn't see how a piece of paper could actually change your relationship?
For spiritual reasons, I can see why two people marry. But if you marry to gain commiment, what is the point? You shouldn't even be getting married with no or little commitment.
I feel that too much emphasis is placed on marriage.
What do you think? Could you also include where you are from, so I can a good idea of where people are coming from, so to speak. I have a feeling that people from the states put higher emphasis on marriage than that of people from other countries. Although I could be wrong.
All this coming from a woman who has just called off her own wedding :S
2007-05-14 11:31:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Speaking as one who has been happily married for almost 37 yrs., I'm here to tell you that "committment" occurs (ideally) before you ever seriously consider marriage.
ANY long-term relationship requires communication and dedication; it doesn't just "happen" after to take some vows and exchange rings.
Too much emphasis on marriage? I disagree.
Not ENOUGH emphasis on building the relationship in the first place. Not enough emphasis on taking sufficient time to discuss all the issues important to you both.
Build a relationship first; after that, marriage is but a minor detail.
2007-05-14 12:42:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically you are right about not needing to be married to have commitment, however there are a couple things that live-in relationships can not give that marriage can.
Although you can be committed to one another outside marriage, you are more apt to have a commitment as a married couple. The reason is simple, in a live-in relationship (and I have witnessed this with my sister), if a guy suddenly decides he doesn't want you anymore he can throw you to the curb, and there isn't anything you can do about it.
On the other hand, in a marriage you generally share ownership of your property, which means that if your spouse wishes to end the marriage he will need an attorney and the terms of the divorce would have to be agreed upon by both of you. It could take some time and money for him to end the marriage. Therefore he is more likely to try to work things out.
The fact is, if he truly loves you, he will commit to spending the rest of his life with you. Marriage is more permanent than a live-in situation.
My own personal take on marriage is this: I have been married for over fourteen years, and while there have been a few bumps in the road, it has been the best thing that has happened to me.
When making the decision to marry or not to marry you need to ask yourself one question: Do I really love this person, and does this person really love me. If the answer is no, then you should consider ending the relationship altogether.
2007-05-14 11:58:28 · answer #2 · answered by John G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, people in many other countries are more committed to their marriages than Americans.
Commitment is not just a piece of paper. Young people particularly don't understand it. There are several high ranking universities in the US that have a Honor System. If a student cheats in exam, writes a bad check, telling untruth in testimonies, etc., he or she will be expelled from the school forever. It is said that different branches of the military have one thing in common --- Honor. There is honor to give, receive, and defend as a husband, wife, and parent.
If you didn't understand honor, you would not appreciate the meaning of a vow and commitment as an honor. You look at the statistics and say why bother getting married. True enough.
2007-05-14 11:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course marriage equals commitment, but that doesn't mean you have to be married before you have a commitment. When I was young and dating around, I didn't really take most of my relationships too seriously because I didn't foresee a real future with any of the guys I was dating. I tried not to hurt them too bad, but always said that i didn't belong to anyone until there was a ring on my finger! I have been married for 3 years and we are very happy and we take our marriage very seriously. To us marriage isn't just a piece of paper, its a promise that we made to each other and to God before God. And for us, marriage didn't just change our relationship, it made it. I don't think that too much emphasis is placed on marriage, i actually think its the opposite. The divorce rate is so high and i think its because people just dont take it seriously enough. My husband and I decided before we married that we would do it one time only and it was forever...divorce is not an option. Its hard work, its not always perfect, but its not impossible.
2007-05-14 11:58:57 · answer #4 · answered by Aubrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-29 09:39:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage does not equal commitment. Commitment is a part of marriage along with willingness, vulnerability, kindness, responsibility and accountability and then of course affection, intimacy and support. Most people marry because they want to committee the rest of their life living with that person and having children, growing old together. Love empowers you and it's critical to have someone believe in you and support you. Yes, I believe you can have all this without the piece of paper if that is what you both want. I actually know several couples who never got married and have grown old together. I'm from New England.
2007-05-14 11:54:20 · answer #6 · answered by April First 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is supposed to but often doesn't. I've been married twice and never felt as cherished, committed, secure in those marriages as I do w/my current man-unmarried. Been together several yrs now. I think alot of people (myself included-in the past) rush into marriage thinking that this will PROVE commitment and make them feel secure- It does not. I think this is the reason why so many end up dissatisfied and divorced.
2007-05-14 11:38:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
California
I fully understand what you are saying.
It seems that people thing marriage is the finish line in a relationship and its NOT.
I'm not even sure what marriage is now a days.
I think people are thinking "Marriage makes the relationship stronger."
BUT THE TRUTH IS "The relationship makes the Marriage stronger."
It seems once people get married they start to take advantage of their spouse. Its starts small and then ends with one feeling like they have the full weight of the relationship on them.
2007-05-14 11:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you have to be married to have committment. Lots of people have been together for years, but not married. But this is just my honest opinion....for a person to be willing to marry, shows the utmost committment. It really does. Because they know they are putting their possessions on the line, as well as forsaking all others from the "I do" on. (If you do it right the first time) I think it is all up to the persons involved. But in a nutshell, marriage is not the only way to have committment.
2007-05-14 12:03:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes
2007-05-14 11:34:45 · answer #10 · answered by kat_jade_kool 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋