How to fix a marriage that lacks true love?

Question

I have a friend who says she loves her husband like a lifelong friend, but is not "in love" with him and doesn't think she ever has been. Many years ago, she finally agreed to marry him after a long courtship foolishly doing so after his repeated requests because she didn't want to shatter his dreams for them. Now they have children together and although she considers him to be an overall good person and father, she is generally miserable and has increasingly frequent thoughts of divorcing him in hopes of finding true love in a mate while she is still young. He senses her feelings and suspects that he does not love her, so friction is now occuring in the marriage. She tries to downplay it to him but she is losing the ability to supress her feelings.

She knows that marrying him when she wasn't truly in love was a mistake but how can she remedy the situation now? Does she simply have to continue to live with this mistake? Is this a justifiable reason to leave? She will read responses.

Answer 1

If she really doesn't love this man, kids or no kids, she's really doing him an injustice by staying with him....that's just my opinion. HE could be with someone that really cares for, adores, and loves him too. I understand with children involved it's hard though. I think she needs to get some counseling. She needs to earn her way out, though. She's got kids involved now. She needs to make sure she can't love this man. That it's not just a passing phase, or that time in a woman's life when she wonders if she's in the right place, what her purpose in life is, or if she's really happy. We all go through that sometime in our mid twenties to early thirties. But if she didn't have it from the start, then it was doomed from the beginning. However, my advice would be not to confuse herself further by getting involved with any other person until this whole thing was over.

Answer 2

I know how the other party feels. I found out after ten years of marriage that my husband only married me b/c he felt sorry for me. his words not mine. I felt so humiliated and upset about the whole ordeal. Had i known he didn't love me I never would have married him. I see why our marriage has never been what other people have. There has never been any romance or affection. I just thought it was his post trauma from being in the war. We have been together 13 years and kissed for the first time one year ago (a peck on the lips).I now see what I am missing all these years of misery. I am pleading with anyone who will listen- if you don't love someone don't string him/her along- let the person go so that he/she can find someone who wants to be with him/her. Someone who appreciates that person's love.

Answer 3

Being "in love" is BS.
"In love" is a foolish stage in a relationship where people think the DREAM LIFE TOGETHER will actually come true.

"Loving" is an accepting of each other for who they truly are.

Its sad, but many marriage never make it past the immature "in love" stage to the "loving" stage. What happens is one other the partners thinks that the relationship is a mistake because the "fairy tale" endings is not happening and never realize that the fairy tale ending doesn't even happen in fairy tales it just stops with "and they lived happily ever after".
What does that mean?
What if you were into S&M or domination or anything else kinky or normal for that fact?

Answer 4

All the feelings you mentioned above are justifiable reasons to leave him. This is a situation that will not get any better for either party involved. The interesting part of all this is just how concerned you are about the situation? Is there something more to the story?

Answer 5

She should have been honest with him from the beginning. Now she has childern that has to be thought of not only will she hurt him the kids will be affected by this. honesty is also the best policy no matter how much you may hurt the other person. By being dishonest you hurt yourself and the other person.

Answer 6

tell her to talk to him