For 10 years we have been married, and I think she is a very selfish lover because she says it makes her sick too even think about doing oral on me, yet she gladly accepts me giving it too her. I don't think she understands the part about sex being non selfish...what do I do?
2007-05-14 10:43:45 · 30 answers · asked by Jeromy B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
after 10 years, nothing you can do but accept it
she told you.. it sickens her
maybe you should have dealt with this earlier
2007-05-14 10:49:06 · answer #1 · answered by ann s 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I'm having the same issue. My wife and I have been together for a total of two and one half years (married for the past five months), and oral pleasure has always been slanted in her favor (I give it frequently, and I am GOOD at it, giving her fantastic orgasms). But the number of times I have received oral from her is minimal. And it has become nonexistent in the past year. Seems unfair. It also seems to me that she is not permitting me to give her as much oral sex, perhaps reflecting her preoccupation with this uneven distribution. She knows that I would love more attention because I have mentioned it to her. Not sure what to do.
2014-12-27 17:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is an easy one. She is most likely the type that needs to feel dominance over someone. I heard a saying (that I despite and hate...) "You always take it out on the one's you love". That is B/S to me......but
for some relationships..that is what works. I think it might be because you or your partner may not know any better.
A refusal of participating in the same sexual action as your partner, may give her pleasure b/c she knows that if you make her do it....she could claim "R-A.." You know the rest, if you are a dude.
The United States has embedded into our minds that gender differences, breed certain precautions into how a man vs. woman should treat each other, sexually... But the US does not define sexual actions, nor does it say "one for all, and all for none". That is my view. If you can not share actions, then how can you share a life if you always feel you have to walk on "egg shells". : )
What about the gay man or woman....what if their partner says no....wouldn't the same rules apply, if not on a more equivocal level.
Marquita
2007-05-14 10:59:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't. She has to want to do it. A woman who loves to perform on her man orally... you will not have to ask....ever! She will be willingly performing it on account of her desiring to do so. If you are continually discussing the subject with her and she is still not desiring to experiment and see if she could like or even love to perform on your orally, you may never receive pleasure in that way. Some women simply do not like performing fellatio. Just like some men do not like performing orally on their lady. I am not saying that with a lot of patience, love, caring and understanding that over time she might not change her mind and end up loving the thought and the act of performing orally on you.... However, if she doesn't like it now... you are quite possibly in for a long wait until it happens. And be prepared that it might not ever happen. I have begun relationships in the past where the lady said she loved performing fellatio and over the span of that realtionships, some of them a year and longer, I ended up believing that their definition of "loving to perform oral..." meant that you might get an ill-fated attempt at it one a month.
2016-04-01 01:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it anything oral, or does she just think oral sex = swallowing and she doesn't like that? Because that could be it. Or does she not like to touch it at all?
First of all make sure you are clean and showered, and possible trim up a bit so she isn't getting a mouthful of hair.
Secondly, encourage her to lick your penis, or put her mouth on it and let her know that its okay if she doesn't do it long enough to bring you to orgasm, or that you are okay to *** in a tissue, etc. Just a "no strings attached" situation.
That may open the door for her experimenting with it a little. And as she is ready to go further, go further.
2007-05-15 04:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she does sound like a selfish lover. I would stop going down on her until she starts returning the favor. Maybe she doesn't know how to give head and is embarrassed? have you ever thought of that? Why don't you take a shower (wash under your balls) and spread some chocolate syrup or caramel sauce all over your happy parts. Put on a blindfold. Make sure you have a big erection. Yell for her to come in the room and see what she does. I bet this works, I bet you 20 dollars.
2007-05-14 11:03:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
she is selfish. Don't give her oral for a while and see if she does it then. It's not fair on you, you have every right to get someone else to do it for you, even if you have to pay for it. That will make her stop and think. what a *****. You should let her read this too.
2007-05-14 10:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by snezana9 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Simple, just stop doing it over time. If she like getting it, she should return the pleasure. If she stops getting it and then questions it, then you have a calm discussion as to why you stopped. Take a shower together so she knows your clean and promise to give her a tap well before you climax. Once you develop the trust and she knows you will not abuse the agreement, it should be back to good eating for the both of you. It's all about trusting each other.
2007-05-17 06:58:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is generally selfish, this could be difficult to change....
Let's see... brainstorming on strategies... you could tell her that, when you think about it, oral sex on a woman is potentially way more gross, considering all the screaming yard apes that come out of a woman's vagina. Also, you might offer to wear a non-lubricated condom, or there are some out there that have fruit flavoring, you can buy in an adult store. Then she can imagine she's on a lollipop.
Or get her drunk?
I don't know, lol. Good luck with that.
2007-05-14 11:11:25 · answer #9 · answered by dontknow772002 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is hard for a woman to enter into the oral sex ideology. If you want to encourage her to do, you need to talk with her in regards why she likes receiving it and how you will love to the same way. If she talk about taste or smell, start using lotions or oils with flavors. I went thru the same problem with my current wife but I didn't let it go for so long.. It only took three months and now she starts there at any time of the day....
2007-05-14 11:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by SemperLeader 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being that Im a woman and that I love to give as well as receive Im going to say (sorry women) STOP giving it to her. That is selfish and why let her get the satisfaction when ur not getting it in return. Just stop it all together and see what she does. Remember u need to be happy sexually too.
2007-05-14 11:04:32 · answer #11 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋