I am about to have a baby me and my husband are separated and my family hates him. He was verbally abusive and so they have harsh feelings towards him so do I. I know that this is supposed to be a exciting time and it seems more stressfull than anything. I don't know wheter to call him when I am in laobr or not. He says that a time like this only comes once and he doesn't want to miss this time at the same time I have my family saying that he doesn't desrve to be there. What should I do I want this to be a happy time! I imagined him being there by my side and I also imagined my family being there also. It is a complete mess and I dont know what to do? Any suggestions?
2007-05-14 10:12:03 · 23 answers · asked by pittbull mommy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your husband....however, he is STILL this child's father!
Your family doesn't have the right to tell you if he can be there or not! I think it's crap that they wouldn't 'allow' him to be there. This child is just as much his as it is yours. You are probably one of those women who would gripe if he DIDN'T want to be involved with the child....but he DOES want to be there.
Just because things didn't work out with the two of you doesn't mean that he won't be a good father. You need to give him a chance before you revoke these rights. And it doesn't matter what your family wants....they've had their families, now it's YOUR turn. Might not work out how you'd planned, but there's no reason to try to leave him out of the mix!!
And this WILL be a happy time unless your family is childish and isn't keeping this child in mind! You have no right to try to keep this child away from his/her father until he has given a reason!
2007-05-14 10:21:39 · answer #1 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess what. He's the father. He has a right to be there at the birth of his child. If you try and prevent it you'll regret it. The child will hold it against you when he/she is older. He'll always be a part of the baby's life if he chooses. It doesn't matter what you think or what your family thinks. It's up to the Judge. Next time you should be a little more careful about who you choose to make babies with. Or maybe you should let your family choose for you. They seem to have a big influence on you.
2007-05-14 10:26:05 · answer #2 · answered by Ronin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IM IN THE SAME SITUATION!, the only difference is that I put my foot down. No matter what he is the father!...no one can take that away from him, and if hes willing to be there and be a dad for the baby then let him. There are sooooooooo many single mothers out there that wish their baby daddies would be there for the children. Dont let this stress you out. Take it as it comes and tell your family that no matter what ITS YOUR LIFE. ALthough my babies dad and I are not togethere, he still attends all my doctors appointments and is very involved in the pregnangcy. HE IS THE DAD! Just becuase you and him have problems doesnt mean baby should pay. I say follow not only your heart but your babys!
2007-05-14 10:21:40 · answer #3 · answered by He's my Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is truly a tough situation, but really, it boils down to you. This isn't something you can ask others, you need to decide if you want him there. It is his child also. I think it's great that your family is there to support you, but sometimes family can make things much worse than it already it. I know it's hard, but you need to decide if you and your husband are going to be a family. If you are, then you need to keep things between you and your husband. I'm not saying to hide problems, but you have to work with him through the problems, not turn to others to get help. That just makes more waves in the marriage, and the more you talk to others - the less you tend to talk to him, then he probably gets more verbally abusive. It is a vicious cycle, but it can be broken. It just takes work on both sides. Verbal abuse is very hard to deal with, is he taking any steps to correct it? What are you doing to help him fix it? Also, keep in mind, if you aren't willing to work things out with him in the future, his not being told about the baby being born can affect custody...always think ahead and decide where you really want to be.
2007-05-14 10:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by Harleygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may hate him, but that's still his child. How would you feel if the tables were turned and you had to miss out on the birth of your child? Seriously, your family might be upset but they love you and they're going to get over it. You have to think about what's best for the baby, that's what being a mother is all about. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and do what's right, even if it sucks.
If your family doesn't get it, then maybe they're the ones who shouldn't be there.
2007-05-14 10:29:24 · answer #5 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not up to your family. What are they going to do next, demand you not let him see the child. You are being weak and hateful, it's his child too. I highly doubt you will hate him enough to not ask for child support. See what I mean?
Your family doesn't get a voice in the matter, that you are allowing them too gives me an idea about why you two are separated. You have made this a mess, it's all your fault. It's your job to fix it.
I can just see it later with your husband telling the child "your mother wouldn't let me see your birth". Yea that one will go over well...
2007-05-14 10:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you made a mistake by putting your family in your business. They are not the parents of this child. He has every right to be there and should be there. It does not matter what your family says, the child deserves the right to know it's father. Don't let what you and your husband have gone through affect his relationship with the child.
2007-05-14 10:36:04 · answer #7 · answered by terrysupreme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, this is your decision. Not your family's. If you want your husband to be there you have that right......who knows maybe the baby will bring you two closer maybe not. Go find an alone spot to think it through. Good luck and congratulations on your new child to come.
2007-05-14 10:24:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no truely right thing to do. Maybe you could video tape the birth and then allow him to watch it. If he was verbally abusive I dont believe I would want him in the labor and delivery while Im having a child. That is up to you though only you know what you truely want.
2007-05-14 10:16:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the ame thing happened to me and it still will be a happy occasion whether he is ther or not , he left you when you where pregnant and all of a sudden he wants to be there for you , he doesnt deserve to be in my eyes , he has been abusive to you and thats why your family hates him , just be strong and dont let him see such a beautiful experience , he doesnt have the right too, maybe when the baby comes , he will grow up and realize what he did , good luck with your baby
2007-05-14 10:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by dawn p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋