Am I Wrong For Being Angry At My Husband For This Pregnancy?

Question

I am a 33 year old mother of 4 who is pregnant with a 5th. When I married my husband 5 years ago he had no children of his own and I agreed to have my tubes "untied" and have ONE child so that he can fulfill his dream of being a father. While all of my pregnancies were plagued with complications, the 4th one was the worst. I was hospitalized 6 times and wound up having to have an emergency c-section which resulted in further complications. Despite the sickness and complications, he still wanted more! Because of the c-section complications, I cannot have any more abdominal surgery. Because of other issues I cannot take birth control for longer than 6 months. My husband hates condoms and refused to buy them and he will never consider a vasectomy. Now, I'm pregnant again, suffering the same complications as the last pregnancy. He's happy that he has another child on the way and I'm miserable and suffering daily. I hate the sight of him and try to avoid being around him. Am I wrong

Answer 1

No....you are not wrong. How you are feeling is perfectly understandable. You are afraid for yourself and your baby.
But you are not going to achieve anything feeling this way. What is done is done and it is now time to move on and consider your health and the well being of your baby.
You need to deal with your husband first. Vent your anger on him, tell him how unfair he is. Now that he has got his way, DEMAND that he gets a vasectomy. Tell him if he doesnt he is endangering your life and risking ruining your relationship. Ask him how much he will enjoy being a father if you move out. You cannot risk another life threatening pregnancy. Does he realise the more pregnancies you have the more at risk you become?
It is time for him to be a man and face up to the vasectomy. Get some info from your doctor on the procedure and get him to read it. Vasectomy is a small procedure, it wont effect him sexually...he will be the same. I dont understand this fear men have of vasectomy.
Tell him to grow up and be a man...Ask him what he would rather, vasectomy, with a happy healthy wife who wants to sleep with him? Or a miserable wife afraid to have sex, because of his selfishness. I wouldnt sleep with him any more.
Good luck

Answer 2

I can understand your being upset, however, it doesn't help the situation. It is only going to cause more pain for you and your unborn child being upset.

Now, I am not sure if any of the other four children are your husbands are not, I can't get that from your story. However, if any of the 4 children are his, then you should have retired your tubes after you gave him a child.

If none of the 4 are his then you should have made it completely clear the complications you encountered with the child birth and had asked him if your life or the baby's life is worth the complications?

Now, you say you can't have any more abdoninal surgery well they have a new procededure call esure which does the same thing as tying your tubes but its all internal. I had it done last year. It takes two to make a baby and if he isn't willing to fix the problem, then its up to you.

As for this baby, its not its fault your having complications, try not to be upset or your baby will be born with complications, calic and other problems.

Answer 3

Yes and No.

You clearly indicated before you got married, you were only willing to have one child. He did not honor this agreement. He obviously does not respect your wishes or your own health risks.

That said, you have to take responsibility for your actions. Assuming he is not physically forcing himself on you, you can say NO.
If you don't want a child and can't take the pill, you have a few choices, There are other forms of female birth control than just the pill. Are they an option. - or - get your tubes re-tied. - or - He gets a vasectomy - or - he starts to wear a condom. If he does not like any of those options, tell him to sleep on the couch.

It really doesn't matter for the next few months, while you are pregnant. Talk to your doctor. Think about your options before it is an issue again, and you will end up with a 6th child and a husband you can't stand to be with.

Answer 4

Im not going to say that you are right or wrong about being angry at him for what you are going through. However I will say this. Y didnt you have them tie your tubes again while they were giving you the c-section last time. Even if it was an emergency once they got the baby out you could have had it done. I would talk to my dr about getting it done this time if you have to have a cesearan. Also if he wont wear a condom maybe you could talk to your doctor. They have a shot called depo that only has to be taken by injection by you every three months. And if all else fails quit having sex with the man. If he doesnt understand that he is risking your life with each pregnancy then maybe you should reevaulate why you are with him.

Answer 5

I don't feel like you are wrong for being angry at your husband. He should sympathize with you and your health conditions. I can't believe that you are basically risking your life to make "his dream come true" when he can't even come to a compromise with either having a vasectomy or at least using condoms. I personally have not experienced the joy of parenthood and such but why risk two lives- yours and your unborn child. If you are unable to have abdominal operations and have had so many complications with past pregnancies then how could your husband be so selfish to do ask this of you?? Although I do not know your situation fully, I would make some sort of ultimatum because I don't think that you can physically afford being at risk for pregnancy. BUT in the meanwhile - you really do need to say NO to sex if he does not use condoms, if you are not on BC, and he has not had a vasectomy. They do make female condoms that YOU can go buy for yourself. If he refuses to buy condoms but is willing to wear them then they are available to everyone for free at any health clinic. It takes two people to have sex.

Answer 6

my opinion it was neither his fault or not your fault now that it has already happened remember the baby may not be born,
please get over the anger that is not good for you and the baby ,but your mental and physical health comes first.

remember you are number one and there are many people that will be happy for you and your higher power who ever that is for you,maybe there is a greater purpose for the baby to be born he or she may save one of your other children , maybe they may be a fireman or police to save some one .

get that negative out of you and bring in the positive you need some time out on your own, because you have gone through so many emotions with the children you have, im sure you have experienced anger, frustration,you have cried because no one has walked in your shoes ,you know how men are they come home put there feet up and don't even know what you have experienced in, one day, the work ,the toil the difference of personality's you deal with the children .


are you willing to be comfortable that family or friends would take care of the children so you can have at least a day or two off ,and if not two with you and your husband or by your self or with a girl friend to take a day to smell the roses .


i think that i cant do that and feel comfotable leaving the children with any one but me.

just remember the emotional feeling your baby will feel, and remember there is a higher power of your choice ,to say to him or her HELP ME.

heres a little but good one/ god grant me the sereinity to
accept the things i cannot change

the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to notice the defference

best of luck in life to you and your family

Answer 7

I can't believe how selfish your being. Maybe the anger is stemming from your hormonal imbalance right now, but damn lady. You obviously know how to make babies. If you find out that drinking milk gives you bad gas and horrible cramps, are you gonna continue to drink it knowing the repercussions??? You don't make any sense!! If you're in that much pain every time you become pregnant, why take the chance? Ever heard of adoption? There are plenty of babies in this world that are in desperate need of loving homes. Not only are you making yourself miserable from your own actions, but I'm sure that your husband feels belittled by your attitude. I'm sure you married a wonderful man or else you wouldn't be with him after so long. He has suck by you though complicated pregnancies and goes to work everyday to a job, I'm sure, he doesn't completely love. He is willing to swim through shark infested waters just to bring you a glass of lemonade. You created this circumstance. Your attitude needs to change, not only the sake of a happy marriage, but jeez woman, think of how your kids feel. They probably think you didn't want them either. I really think you need to invest into a book called "The proper care and feeding of marriage." It's by Dr. Laura. I really think it would do you, and your marriage, a lot of good.

Answer 8

of course your wrong. YOU knew the risk more so then your hubby did.if you did not want more children the YOU should of done some thing to protect your self. why didn't you have your tubes retied.you could of done that at the time of the last birth. you have a lot more blame your this then your husband. he sound like a great guy from what you say. he took on you and your 3 kids. if i was you i would thank him every day for being a real man. i promise there are many women out there just waiting for a good man. i assure you they want hate the site of him.it sound like your husband could do a lot better.

Answer 9

I can understand you being upset, but being angry is a little extreme......it is both of your responsibilities for birth control. I understand that the pill was a problem for long term but what I dont understand is if the pregnancies were so complicated and (complicated pregnancies are also dangerous for mom and baby) why didn't you just get your tubes retied??? They do it at same time as delivery these days.....sounds like the logical thing to me and you are an adult, you dont need his consent......you have to think about your own safety and well being for yourself and your children......I hope your husband takes responsibility and helps you with all these children he wanted.....Good Luck to you and your family.

Answer 10

No you are not being unreasonable at all. Your husband is taking advantage of the fact that you are pregnant and vulnerable.You need to set the record straight with him and that is you will no longer trust him on a night out with friends and stick to it. The thing is, he knows you are pregnant and need him and he does not have to worry about leaving, but sometimes it is bad advice, but the truth, if my husband did that to me I would leave, pregnant and all. After all he did not care how much you stood up and worried over him being out at all hours of the night. A married man has no business coming home at 6 am with not call to his wife no matter what his excuse is. Think about if this is something you want to put up with. Good luck to you!