Ladies, what would you do if you found out your husband did this?

Question

I found a charge on my bank account. It was only 5 bucks, but I knew the charge wasnt something I had bought. I asked my husband if he knew what it was, and he said "oops, i signed up for a free trial of a 4 wheeling mag, but i guess i didnt read the fine print". Sounded fishy to me, but I had no proof otherwise. I finally did some digging. It was listed as RKNetmedia on my account, so I googled it. Apparantly, they are a company that runs adult sites. My bank couldnt give me any contact info for the people who charged me, so all I know is what I found online. I'm peeved that he felt the need to lie to me. For gods sake, if he wanted a membership to an adult site, he just could have talked to me about it. He knows I'm cool with that stuff as long as I am included or at least aware of it. So I caught him in a lie. And hes at work right now. What would you do?

Rambo- I DO mind, about the LYING. That is a big deal to me. He's got a nasty tendency to lie about stupid little things. I tell him he doesnt have to, that I dont care about that BS, but its like he's compelled to have secrets. Its insulting, like he thinks I'm too stupid to figure him out. I'm not going to get a lawyer like another suggested. We've been together four years, and have a child together. Other than the stupid lies, hes a great husband and father. What I need to know is the best way to approach a man when you have caught him in a lie, without immediatly sending his defenses up and causing a fight.

crystalbutterfly-
its not the damn money. i only use my checking account for paying a few bills, so there is very little activity on it, and i only deposit the exact ammount that HAS to be in it. I was just checking my balance like I do regularly, and the most recent charge was the suspicious one. i would be STUPID to not question a charge that I didnt authorize. Ever hear of identity theft! Of course I keep an eye on my account, like any sane person should.

Answer 1

Do nothing, forget it...you don't mind, so whats the big deal. Maybe he too shy to tell you.

Answer 2

Honestly, I'm frightened that you spent so much time and energy over a $5 charge. If you watch the bills/accounts that closely, it's no wonder your husband chose to lie to you rather than to fess up. You say you're cool with it...I doubt it. Someone that's cool with things doesn't check up on her husband...doesn't concern herself with a $5 charge and wouldn't write for advice here. So, to start, be honest. You're not cool with it. You went snooping to see what your husband was up to and now you want persmission to bust his balls. My guess, you do that so regularly, he's scared to death to come clean about what really is a normal curiosity. If it develops into a habit, I'd be concerned. But, $5...no biggie...let it go. Or, since you are so cool...why not make his night and suggest that you open an account together and have some fun.

Answer 3

No, I wouldn't be mad. I would casually bring it up but make sure you let him know that you already know the truth. The fact that he lied would bother me more than the porn sites. The fact that he felt the need to lie and you had to dig around instead of trusting him are big red flags. It sounds like you guys have bigger problems than him looking at porn. Talk honestly and maybe you can iron things out and enjoy a little porn with him.

Answer 4

I honestly would confront him about it. But not confrontational, you know? I would just say something like "I found that what you ordered is really for an adult site, I'm suprised that you couldn't tell me the truth" kind of thing; or however you want to phrase it. He's already embarrased about the fact he got caught, try not to make it worse, you know? Give things a rest after that and see what happens. If things start to get weird and you catch him again, then I would be confrontational.

Answer 5

I recently began getting a $24.95 per month charge on my Citibank Debit card by this same company. I have been trying to dispute it with my bank, but they have not been helpful. And no I didn't check out their porn sites. Yah, I am a guy and look at porn, but I have been online for many years and avoid shady sites and do not download files, etc. I never use this debit card online, so it's possible your husband is telling the truth about the situation.

Answer 6

Don't play games. My husband has the tendency to lie or "stretch" the truth when the mood suits him also, I don't tolerate it. The only way to make him stop lying is call him on it every single time you catch him. If you stay quiet about it, he'll think he got away with it and he'll keep doing it. If he wants to act like a child then treat him like a child - so if he gets mad that you "checked up" on him, tell him too bad, he shouldn't have lied. Good luck.

Answer 7

Talk to him first. Tell him you called to get info at the bank to get # for company to renew the subscription as a surprise. Tell him you found out it was an adult site and would like to look over it with him. If he freaks then yes I would be upset and think something is up. IF he shares the password and looks with you then I would be cool.

Answer 8

I'd confront him. I cannot stand a lie. I honestly don't mind porn (I know, I'm an awful woman), nor do I mind my husband spending our money (I don't call & check in before I spend any of it, why should he?). I do mind, however, being looked at in the eyes & told a total lie. Personally I'd give him one more chance to tell the truth, I'd ask him when he got home if there was anything he wanted to tell me. If not, tell him you know. You have the right to honesty & the right to know what's going on.

Answer 9

I get it. Your not upset about the $5 or the adult site but the lie he told to cover it. Address that making sure he knows you don't care about the other stuff. Don't get mad just tell him that you want him to be honest. And if he signs up for another one don't look into it just say okay and that you trust him.

Answer 10

Did his lie avoid a fight?
yes

Could you let it go?
no

That tells me that you are not the sort of person who has very strong opinions and your husband has learned when to avoid saying things that would just tick you off.

You are blowing thing out of proportion.
Its a lie. YES
Is its a white lie? most likely

Complete honesty is not a good thing.

Example:
When your wife is 8 months pregnant and looks like a whale.
"I think you look beautiful."
What sort of jerk tells a woman who's hormones are going crazy the truth?

More Examples:
"How do I look?" (If you have to ask you know you don't look your best)
"You look GREAT! Can we go now?"

"How's dinner?"
Lie - "fine"
Truth - "Kind of blah, but its food and I didn't have to cook it"

Answer 11

Monique, I agree, it is not the money or that you had a problem with the site, it was the lie and the hidding it. If you can not trust him with the little things, how can you trust him with the things that are big and might matter in the long run.