Pregnant and boyfriend suggests abortion?

Question

I am 27, we are the same age, we each have a child from previous relationships, he isn't able to see his son because his sons mother is extremely jealous of me and very young and he hasnt taken her to court for any rights or visitation. My daughter is 6 and I have raised her on my own, him and I have been together for over a year and a half. I just found out I am pregnant, he waits a few days after I tell him and then suggests an abortion because he thinks now isn't a good time. We both have good jobs, have a nice home, and have a good healthy relationship. I have told him that I dont believe in abortion and that I consider it murder, he says it is my final decision and to do what I want. Now I feel like he doesnt love me or he wouldnt have ever brought it up. His reasoning is that he already cant see his 4 year old son, which is totally not my fault. I dont think I will ever feel the same about him, I do love him, but now there is this brick wall. How could he want me to kill our baby

Answer 1

Looks like you have a decision to make...
Either get rid of him or the pregnancy.
Period.

If you keep the baby, the boyfriend will leave you.
If you get rid of the kid, you will have resentment and eventually the relationship will end.

Answer 2

Stop taking it so personally. Me and my boyfriend are 33 and when I found out I was pregnant he immediately started looking up abortion clinics. I told him no way, just because I felt ready and if he didn't want to be part of a family he was welcome to leave. Now, I'm due in 3 weeks and although I know he would still choose abortion he has been wonderful throughout the pregnancy. Very loving and accepting. Understand his fears and for guys it's much easier to bail than for us. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Don't hold his fear against him. He'll accept your child in time and see that there isn't anything to fear. I gave my boyfriend a choice, it's me and the baby or he can leave. He wanted me but not the baby. Once he realized that choice no longer existed he accepted it, almost completely. I'm not going to lie and say he's excited. He's scared, I don't blame him but I know he'll love his son all the same. I think you'll find out the same about your boyfriend/husband.

Answer 3

His excuse is very off the beaten path. His issues on his other child shouldn't decide the fate of your developing new bundle of joy. I say have the baby and see what happens. There is no reason why ya'll should get an abortion. There are so many woman out there that can't have babies and try so hard and die without knowing what its like to be a mother. If he wasn't ready for another baby maybe he shouldn't of had sex with you because i know he was ready for that! Sorry if i am being blunt but it needs to be said and i am saying it now. You raised your daughter on your own before without a man you can do it again. By the way Congratulations on your new baby I hope he comes around and realizes what a jerk he is being!

Answer 4

It is your decision because it is your body. I agree with you that abortion is murder. If that is your belief then you should not compromise your belief for anyone. It is not your fault that he can not see his son...it is his for not going to court yet. If he really wanted to see him he could. Do not let him make you feel bad because of that. Maybe he will come around once you have the baby? If he does not then there is someone out there that will love you and both your kids. How is it not the right time if you are not struggling in any way...that does not make any sense to me...from what you say it seems like it would be a great time to have a child. Just sit down and talk to him...he did say it was your final decision so tell him you want the child and see where it goes from there. If he leaves that is his loss because he is missing out once again on being with one of his children. I do not know if you believe in prayer or not...but it does help. Just stand your own ground. Hope this helps and good luck....no one should want to kill a baby...they are so innocent.

Answer 5

if he suggests an abortion and you have the kid, he doesn't have to pay child support if something happens. It all depends on who is awnsering. Some on this site will use religon to reach and awnser, some will not. This is a serious decison. From a religous stand point, the baby lives from when the sperm fertilizes. From a scientific stand point, the fetus at this point has less brain cells then a fly, so it is the same as a dead fly in your uterus. It all depends for where you stand. Abortion can't be murder because the fetus isn't even alive yet. All religous veiws on abortion is just bad science with facts twist for their approval... but no matter what happens, this is your desicon, and don't let anyone desceid it for you. No right wing christians OR left wing atheists. this descison is all yours and only yours. you ust do what you feel is right

Answer 6

It is ALWAYS your ultimate decision, and if you believe abortion is murder, don't do it! Never kill a baby you want for a man.

Now as far as your relationship goes, tell him all these things instead of random people on the internet. Talk to him about everything you're feeling until you can come to some sort of conclusion.

Also, I have to wonder about a man who would rather kill his own baby than not be able to see it. Sure it hurts that he can't see his 4 year old, but he also doesn't seem to have done very much to try to be able to. Tell him also that if you have an abortion he will REALLY never see it, as opposed to his 4 year old, who he could build a relationship with if he could be bothered.

If I were you I would just get out of this relationship, especially if you like kids because he seems to not want to be bothered to a point of wanting abortions... that freaks me out.

Answer 7

I would also be very upset if my boyfriend suggested such a thing! Just because he is not allowed to see his other child does not justify killing this one. I'm pretty sure you remember what its like to hold your child for the very first time and see their face! Could you imagine your life without your 6 year old? I would say don't get an abortion but be aware you might have to raise him/her on your own! Its usually never the right "time" to have a child until it happens. You have a good job, nice home, what else do you need but love! Ask yourself one question: Could you accept the fact that your boyfriend might not be there for you!

Answer 8

Honestly? I think he's just afraid of having a repeat performance of what his other baby's momma is doing to him! It doesn't sound like he hates you or doesn't want the baby, I just think he's afraid of you taking away his child and he'll get burned twice in one lifetime! I can see his point, but I agree w/ you and if you feel abortion is murder, then you shouldn't do it b/c you will definitely regret it later! I think your man needs to see a licensed therapist to get his issues out in the open. You should both seek couples counseling and hopefully you can work on this together. He needs reassurance that you're not his previous girlfriend and you handle things a lot differently b/c of the fact that you're someone completely different! Let him know that whatever happens to you guys in your relationship, it doesn't affect the fact that HE's the father of your baby and there's nothing you would do to take that right from him. Let him know that even if you 2 don't work out, he still will have access to his child, so he can be a constant and PERMANENT part of his/her life! Good luck! Give the poor guy a hug!

Answer 9

You cant let anyone dicate what to do with your baby. Not only is abortion murder but even you dont want to, if you do, seeing how you already are against the idea, you will be angry and resentful. Look into your 6yo's eyes and see if you can imagine her being torn apart the way #2 may be. Remind yourself why abortion is wrong.The baby you are carrying is no less your child, no less alive, just has a different home. . The idea of the baby may be scary but It will be fine and the baby will be loved by both of you. He's scared and remember, the man isnt the one feeling the kicks. the bond is always stronger with the mother bc she's the one that physically experiences it.

Answer 10

If you want this baby then you should keep it. I am of the same opinion that abortion is murder. You need to consider do you want any more children?? If you do then there should be no question about it. It takes two to tango and if he wants you to get rid of it then he's not worth it. I recently went throught the same thing with my husband - We have 2 beautiful kids and I wanted a 3rd but he didn't. At first he wanted me to have an aborition but he changed his mind. It didn't matter anyway because I ended up miscarrying. Do whats best for you, your daughter & the unborn baby. Your heart will tell you what to do... just don't let your head over-rule it. Good luck...

Answer 11

Try to talk to him about his feelings and your feelings and then suggest talking to family/friends/preachers or priests. From what you say, of course he has issues, but that is not a reason for an abortion. Some mothers have gone ahead and delivered a baby even when an abortion would save their own life. I feel as you do, that an abortion is murder. The Preamble to the Constitution states that we have the "right to LIFE, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Perhaps if he can see that this child is part of both of you and that you will love the child no matter what that he will re-think his stand.
I wish you the best.