I have been married to my husband for almost 18 yrs, but for the last several, he has been getting consistently more abusive. He smacks, pushes, kicks, pulls me by my hair, spits in my face, and, most tormenting, the namecalling and mental abuse. He has alienated everyone we knew. He's told our family and friends that I am lazy and useless, and that I cheated on him.(This isn't true..we used to be swingers, & he prefered watching...long story!)
We live in the Midwest., and all my family is on the East coast.The only real witnesses I have to the abuse are my two boys, and they've left home, not on speaking terms with thier dad.
Various battles and bruises contributed to the loss of my job. Now, I am a slave/prisioner in my own home. He tells me if, when, where, and how long I can be gone, on the rare times he allows me to leave. My car keys and phones are kept locked and I must ask permission to use. He keeps me on a tiny $$. I am trapped, and worse, broken. How can i get out alive?
2007-05-14 09:16:41 · 45 answers · asked by secret 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After this many years of abuse your self-esteem and self-worth has obviously diminished to nothing. Get out of there immediately. Go to the police and file a restraining order. If you have proof of physical abuse, file charges against him. Go to live with a friend or one of your boys if that is an option. If not, go to a shelter for abused women and they will help you get on your feet. File for divorce. Get a job and get a new life without him! Good luck, girl ~ you can do it. You deserve so much more out of life than what he is giving you!
2007-05-14 09:23:59 · answer #1 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to plan this very carefully. When he least expects it! You need to call you family over on the east and tell them you are going to come for a surprise visit that your husband doesn't know about. Only tell someone you can trust that won't say anything! Pack a small bag and hide it if you need to. Put the money for gas and food in the bag so he doesn't find it. Maybe in the flower bed or something. Then tell him a few days later when you have all your things in order you need to ask to borrow the car. It's considered married property so the police can't say it's stolen. When you arrive back into the town you are going, go straight to the police for a restrianing order or protection order. You see the best thing for you to do is to get out of there with your life. If you don't think he will do anything to you you may want to get pics of the brusies you have and go to your local police station. You can get him arrested on CDV which now carries a hard penty in most states. I'd do the other though! Atleast you can be around people and they will protect you and have the police on notice. Then file for divorce.
2007-05-14 09:36:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering if all your saying is true...how do you have access to the Internet? But, assuming you are telling the truth. Turn to your family NOW! If you have to run to the police station and use their phone to call SOMEONE to pick you up and file a police report as well. There are women's shelters out there too. You DO have options! Especially with access to the Internet. Email everyone you know for help. What about your sons? Where are they? You CAN get out, just do it!
God bless
2007-05-14 09:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lakin J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, there seems to be a lot of answers about how to leave.
I'd like to say: You are entitled to half of all marital assets. Do some research, know what your assets are, the house, do you two have retirement plans, insurance, bonds, stocks....you are entitled to half of everything.
Next time he gets abusive, scream. Give the neighbors a heads up and ask them to call the police. Document any injuries. Get a restraining order. If they remove Him from the house, then you don't have to leave.
2007-05-14 10:07:51 · answer #4 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get in touch with your boys, have them come and get you and get you out of there while he's gone. Once your out, get a restraining order or an "protection from abuse" order from the court. That way if he come's near you, anywhere, the cops can inforce it and take him to jail. Once your out,contact a womans shelter for more information on how to get back on your feet and into your life.
Most important, get out now!
Good luck and God speed.
2007-05-14 09:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by honest guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much you don't want to, you got to report it. Have you ever seen that movie Enough with Jennifer Lopez? One my favorite movies. She had nothing, her husband was rich, he was abusive, and she grabbed her daughter and left. You just have to get up and go. Go to the police and tell them what's going on. I don't know. Maybe crush some really harsh sleeping pills in his beer or something. If that doesn't work you should hit him over the head with a baseball bat. Maybe you can get someway to get to your family and stay with them. Either way baby, you have to report it. He will eventually kill you inside and you won't know the person you are anymore.
2007-05-14 09:32:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact a local womans help shelter and explain your abusive marriage to them. They are prepared to get you out and get you the help youll need to get rid of him but you will have to follow their advice to the letter. Once out you can get a protective restraining order against him if you wishor needbe. The courts will also work more closely with a shelter than by yourself so the first step now begins with you. Good luck
2007-05-14 09:30:15 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he goes to work leave take a bus to the police and report it they will bring you to a shelter and from there you can get help. Will any of your relatives back east be willing to take you in for a while. Get as far away as possible from this kind of a coward. No one deserves this kind of abuse from anyone.
Good luck, and be careful.
2007-05-14 09:33:32 · answer #8 · answered by Kathleen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with you, but you need to get proper help. Call the police you may not want to go to a women's shelter, but It's gotta be better than where you are now, and they will help you cope with it mentally. But you realize what's happening your kids are already gone, so you have nothing to loose.....but your life. GET OUT NOW!!! or end up the next fatally on the lifetime channel.
2007-05-14 10:05:36 · answer #9 · answered by Nina Knows 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like a horibble time that you are going through, what I would do is when he leaves the house just take the things that you need (dont take to long) get into your car ,(if he leaves the keys their, go and stay with family for the time being, or even do a better thing, go down to the court house and put a restaining order on him, and if he brakes the order he goes to jail, just remember it's not as easy as it sounds, but it has to be done, it's eather your life, or death. (choose one, and I hope you choose the right one)
2007-05-14 09:35:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋