married just 2 months and already arguing a lot?

Question

We got married March 9 while he was home on leave. He has since gone back overseas, so we're dealing with the distance thing but we've been arguing a lot lately over the phone. Almost nitpicking about stupid things, and bringing up old arguments and exhausting them until we drive each other nuts. He will be home in about a month for a visit, and then I'm moving there in September, and things are 100% better when we are together. Has anyone ever had this problem? Is it because of the distance and that we are both frustrated? Any advice to fix this problem, or should we just stick it out until I get there? Please, only serious answers. Thanks!

Just to clarify, he is NOT in Iraq. If he were, I would spend every second telling him how much I love him and how proud I am of him (which I still do). And, if he were there, he would only get to call like 1-2 times a month. He is in Italy, with a regular 9-5 job with the military. And I know that I am as much to blame as he is. Completely 50/50 in our marriage.

Answer 1

A lot of your frustration is just that...frustration. You are newlyweds and want to hear romantic talk from each other.

He's nervous thinking about you still being at home with all your other friends close by. You're nervous because he isn't by your side, he isn't thinking about being newly wed, and he has a heck of lot of other things on his mind.

Bite your tongue. Say only nice things. Life will work out once you are back together.

Answer 2

It's probably just the strain of his being away. But if he's overseas as in Iraq, this is NOT the time to be arguing for any reason. The possibility that he may never come home is very real - not being cruel just being honest - so while he's away, he already has a ton on his mind...try keeping the problems and issues at bay - handle what you can on your own for now, and what you can't handle seek help from another male in your life here at home - father, father-in-law, brother, etc. Don't stress him more than he's stressed already. I know it's hard for you too, having him away. Cry to your friends and family but not to him, he knows how you feel and your telling him only compounds his worries. Please, be strong for you both...this time will pass and you will have a wonderful life together starting in September. I know there are all sorts of support groups, other wives of men in the military and those overseas, seek them out and share your frustrations with them. And I'm sure before you know it, you two will be back in each others arms all happily ever after. Good luck and take care of that man of yours, he's over there fighting for our country.

Answer 3

Distance between you will definately cause some problems and little arguements. Once you see each other you will probably forget the nit picking stuff. The first year of marriage is tough because you are getting used to each other and the annoying things that you both do. It does get better! The best advice someone gave me is not to saying anything without thinking it through. Sometimes it means just absorbing what is being said to you and not responding until you have gone through it in your mind.

Answer 4

You are angry because he is not with you. He is angry because you are not with him...anger everywhere....and that is what you are fighting about, not whatever you think it is. Stop arguing...you cannot have a fight if no one will fight with you. Put down the anger for he cannot help being where he is. YOU BOTH knew what was going to happen, yet have not handled this separation in a good way. At the rate you are going, you will not have a chance to see good times...everything that is said, every hurtful word leaves a scar. Either be nice and loving on the phone, OR don't use the phone. Good luck

Answer 5

Between the distance and the fact that you are newlyweds, there is bound to be a lot of stress on both of you. Perhaps you both wanted married life to provide something different, but since he is not here you can't find out what it is really like. Give it time once you are together to sort out your differences in expectations and you will both find a happy medium and everything will be so much better!

Answer 6

Honestly, my fiance and I are the same way. When we're apart, we tend to argue ALOT over the phone. But when we're together, we're perfectly fine. Plus, it's easier to be mad at somebody, even for stupid reasons, when you can't see them face to face.

So I'd say stick it out until you get there, and when you're talking to him now and can feel an argument coming on, try to stop it ahead of time. Realize that it's just the distance, and try to think of how you would handle it if he were standing right there in front of you.

Answer 7

I would say the distance is definitely putting a toll on your relationship. Just remember that this is only temporary. Pray for one another. Write hand written love notes to him and snail mail them. Make him a video diary/letter. Just find ways to keep the romance and love alive while you two are apart. Don't give up and don't sweat the small stuff. Plan your time with him when he is home in a month. That will keep you occupied and give you something to look forward to.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are having difficulties because you are so far apart. Communication relys over 70% on body language. Being just newly weds and being apart must be stressful on both of you. You need to sit down and figure out what is upsetting you because it sounds like you two are bickering about things to aviod a real issue, what ever that is. If you can't figure out what is bothering you ask him what is bothering him. It is probably worth a try anyways. My husband works away from home for periods of time and we argue for a bit and then we get adjusted then when he gets home we argue for a bit and it settles down when we get into the routine again.

Answer 9

Here's the best advice you can get: Stop Arguing.

When he says something, check yourself, and don't respond if it makes you mad. Just say, I'm not discussing that with you right now and don't. No matter what he says. Don't get mad.

All couples fight, especially the first few years. You're still getting used to each other. It won't change when you live together and you're in each other's faces everyday.

It's part of the learning process.

Answer 10

WELL FIRST OF ALL YOU HAVE TO THINK IF IT'S EVEN WORTH IT TO FIGHT OVER THOSE THINGS, OF COURSE THE DISTANCE MIGHT BE AN ISSUE BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT BY GIVING EACH OTHERS COMFORT WHILE YOU GUYS ARE APART FROM EACH OTHER WILL MAKE YOU GUYS FEEL BETTER UNTIL HE COMES BACK? STOP ARGUING OVER THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE, INSTEAD TRY TELLING EACH OTHER WHAT ARE THE BAD THINGS THAT BOTHER YOU ABOUT HIM AND VICEVERSA, AND ALSO DON'T FORGET TO MENTION EACH OTHERS GOOD THINGS IM SURE THERE'S MORE GOOD ONES THAN BAD ONES...
HOPE IT HELPS!