Is divorce my only way Out?

Question

I Have been married for almost 10 years, for all the time, my husband has been bad with me, always telling me that I was not pretty, always putting me down, including other members of my family. He has said that I am smart, and that he is with me for that reason, but that he always had very pretty girlfriends before me. And of course ha has always said that he is not happy with me. We have two beautiful children 3 and 8. At first it was very hard, I use to cry any time he would insult me, because it just hurt, but since about two years ago, I don't really care about his insults, they don't have any effect on me, he has notice that, specially when I told him that I am sorry that he is not happy, and that he should go and find his happiness somewhere else. I don't want to have intimate relationships anymore with him, I can't, I even feel abused in that way. Sex now feels like sexual abuse. We are getting counseling but things don't change, about the way I feel. He, seems worry now

Answer 1

Of course he's worried now. You took a stand and a coward doesn't know how to deal with someone who stands up against him. You go girl. Do not allow him to misuse you and talk down to you. You deserve far better than what he's dished out these last ten years.

If he had prettier girlfriends in the past, why isn't he still with them? Character flaw, correct?

How dare he disrespect you in that way. You stayed with him, despite his cruelty and he didn't know how to appreciate you for the woman that you are. Well, too little too late. Don't allow that abuser to continue to work your nerve.

Since the counseling isn't working, why are you still going? It will only get worse? Try something different. That is if you want to continue in the marriage. Do you have a priest/pastor that can give religious advice? If so, try this out and see how much change happens. Whatever you chose, stand your ground and don't allow him to hurt you again.

Answer 2

The best counsel I can give you is in God's word the Bible. God is the originator of the marriage arrangement and He knows how a marriage can be successful and happy (Genesis 2:18-25). We have a book called "The Secret of Family Happiness", I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses and this book is fully based from the Bible. If one of Jehovah's Witnesses knocks at your door one of these days, ask them for the book, it's free. This book has helped hundreds if not thousand of families like yours and is helping me with my married life as well. I am going to quote some paragraphs from the book that will help you until you get the book yourself.

"God purposed that marriage should be a lifelong bond (Genesis 2:24). Why, then, do so many marriages break up? It may not happen overnight. Usually there are warning signs. Small problems in a marriage can grow bigger and bigger until they seem insurmountable. But if these problems are promptly handled with the aid of the Bible, many marital breakups could be avoided."
1. Be realistic. An element that sometimes leads to problems is the unrealistic expectations that one or both of the marriage partners may have. The Bible is practical. It acknowledges the joys of marriage but it also warns that those who marry "will have tribulation in their flesh". (1 Corinthians 7:28).
2. Discuss differences. Many find it difficult to remain calm when they discuss hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or personal feelings. A better course to follow is to heed the Bible's counsel: "Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state". Ephesians 4:26. One husband of 60 years in marriage gives his secret:"We learned not to go to sleep without settling differences, no matter how minor they may have been".
3. The Biblical Grounds for divorce. Matthew 19:9 states:"I say to you that whoever divorces his wife (or husband), except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery".
I recommend that you have this book and read it with your husband. Have your Bible handy so you can read the quoted text. Email me at [e-mail] if you have any other questions and we will try to answer it through God's word the Bible.

Answer 3

It is difficult to tell anyone that divorce is the answer, especially if one does not know the person asking. However, if you feel the way you do, and believe that there is no chance of the counseling changing your feelings, then it would seem that divorce would be your best choice. You deserve to be respected, and loved, and treated as someone special. Your children deserve to see their mother treated with respect as well, and not as someone insignificant to their father's life. Just remember that children from a broken home will do better than children who live in a home where there is mental, emotional or physical abuse. Good luck with which ever decision you make, and just make sure that you consider not only your children, but your own happiness in making your desision. Remember that you deserve happiness.

Answer 4

Your husband is a controller, period. He has hurt you by insulting you for years. Counseling is not going to help, he needs to see a shrink big time...this is not a marriage issue, it is a personal issue that I doubt he will overcome. You have ended the relationship already, and may be using sex as a tool to get even...in any event, this is not good for you or the kids. Sorry to be so bleak, but if I were you, I would seek a lawyer's advice immediately, keep your mouth shut to make sure he does not remove and hide assets. Good luck

Answer 5

I have a friend in a similar situation. She has been told the same things and been called stupid for years. He also turned her into a heroine junkie. She tried recently to leave him and found someone who adored her for her,not for what she could do for him. Unfortunately her husband manipulated her into working things out. She has left this great handsome guy and looks as if she is returning to more abuse from the husband. If you leave he loses control over you. Manipulative people will say and do anything to regain control over another person they have controlled in the past. Search your heart......you know if you should proceed with a divorce. Like my friend, if you continue to let someone control you think of what you may be missing.

Answer 6

If your in counseling tell the counselor how you feel and see what he tells you. Counseling cant save all relationships but if youre not totally honest with the counselor then nothing definitely wont changeas the counselor deal with problems if he/she doesnt know there still exists one. The counselor sees the therapy as working if you dont tell them everything. If you have and you feel youve come to the end and theres nothing else then call it quits and move on. Good luck

Answer 7

Of course he is worried now. His little control game isnt working any longer. Thats what these control freaks do, when they see that their abusive behavioiur no longer affects the victim, they get all worried and concerned and try to be all nice. Your feelings about him cant change as quickly as he can change his inexcuseable behaviour. Dont force it. Your feelings are important. Take a break if you need to and keep standing up for yourself. Blessings!!

Answer 8

This is a prime example of: "What goes around comes around" I'm glad you're finally getting a back bone. You probably will be happier if you get a divorce.

Answer 9

It isn't the only way out but the least destructive way out.

He obviousley does not care and respect you and you know you deserve better so move on....

The best revenge is living well!

Answer 10

Tell him his worries are just beginning...you're outta here.