Should I go on the trip? Please see details?

Question

My fiance and his brother planned to go to North Carolina because they we (the entire family) are thinking of moving there. My fiance asked me to go, and I said sure on 2 conditions - I get shotgun most of the way because I get carsick in the back, and we take my car. I asked to take my car because I wanted to feel like I had some sort of control; like I wasn't just a tag along. My fiance is a different person around his family, and I don't really know his brother, so I figured that having that small sense of control would make me feel more comfortable. My fiance said that was fine, and I got really really excited about the trip. He waited about two weeks to tell his brother (I don't know why, but in two weeks I got even more excited!). When he finally did tell his brother, it was like his brother was giving me permission to come with them, but I had already been invited! Also, his brother said I could come but he gets shotgun because his back hurts in the back seat and we have

to take his car because it's newer. So now I'm feeling like I don't really want to go, because I am going to feel like a third wheel, and I'm going to be uncomfortable. But I was really excited, and my fiance really wants me to go. A part of me says to go and try to have a good time, and a part of me says that I don't have to go and be uncomfortable, I should just stay home. Any suggestions??

Answer 1

So the brothers planned the trip first, then you were invited? That is a tough one for me. However if you are planning on moving there, you really should visit it first. Why don't you and the brother split the driving in the newest car and make your fiance sit in back? I just say take the newest, as it is less likely to have issues. If you mean newest as in his was bought 2 weeks after yours... forget it, take yours. I know what you mean about feeling as if you are in control. Sounds like you may be getting bulldozed by the family.

Answer 2

You need to have a talk with your fiance and ask him why he's not sticking up for you. If he cared for you and was concerned about you he'd tell his brother you were riding in the front seat because that's what the two of you and already agreed to. If the brother has objections, he should take his own car. This is a BIG red flag waving wildly and giving you a big indication of how you'll be treated in your marriage.

Answer 3

You take your car. He takes his car. Two separate cars.

Your fiance needs to tell his brother what's what. You two are going to get married, so you need to stand up to this brother together. Why would your fiance not be on your side? If he's not doing what's right for the two of you, maybe there are much bigger issues at hand. Explain to your fiance how you feel about this trip and what is going on. Tell him what you want and if he's giving in to what his brother wants, then maybe you are not the main priority in your fiance's life. The two of you who are engaged to eachother should be what both of you are most concerned about, and if he's not making you his most valuable person, then you have very big problems.

It sounds like your fiance's brother does not like you. He doesn't know you, but he doesn't like you.

Why can't he take his own car and you and your fiance go in your own car? It sounds like this brother is a jerk. If your fiance is driving, you should be up front with him. Tell his brother to drive himself.
And if he's taking his own car, why would he be riding shotgun? Why isn't he driving, huh? He knows you get carsick, so he's trying to manipulate you into riding in the back. Don't let him do that. He wants to control you, and that's not his right. After all, you are your own person.

Carsick? Does this brother want you to puke in his car? He's trying to force you to ride in the back, where he knows you will get carsick. He's mean. Why would he want to take his car and have you carsick in it? That doesn't make sense. If you do get sick, he might try to leave you somewhere along the way (you and your fiance, or just you). Don't take his car. Take yours and you drive it.

It's better to take your own car so that you and your fiance can have more freedom to go where the two of you want to go on this trip. If you take the brother's car and he doesn't want to let the two of you use it to go to the beach alone, then what? Or what if he drops the two of you off somewhere and doesn't come back when he's supposed to? You could be stranded for hours in downtown where ever it is you're going and not have a way to get back to your hotel.
Are you only going to be able to go where he wants to go? If you have your own car, you and your fiance can just go do what you want while you are there. And the brother can take his car and do what he wants. He can't be mean and say, "Well, it's my car so you can't drive it."

He sounds like someone who is not nice at al,l and you and your fiance need to stand up to him and tell him to drive himself to North Carolina. Tell him that you and your fiance are going in your car and the brother can take his own car.

Answer 4

It sounds like your fiance doesn't really stick up for you. Sorry, but I think you have a bigger problem than going on this trip.

Answer 5

i think you should go ... maybe it will be weird at first but it will get better and if you ever have to go on a trip again with them together it will be even better cause you'll be closer...

Answer 6

Take both cars.