One of the "leaders" of our single adult group (ages 18-30) at church is a holier-than-thou type. He makes comments at the wrong moment, trying to be funny or makes the rest of us feel like sinners by saying we shouldn't do this or that. He doesn't really fit in or get along with the rest of us and I'm not sure how to get him to stop being a total jerk to everyone. I am the other leader of the group and I sent him an email of concerns and issues we needed to cover. I was very diplomatic and praising of his talents and he picked up on the fact that the group talks to me, not him because he's abrasive and rude. So, he got upset and ignored the rest of the concerns. Now, he's heard that some of us went out to dinner and karaoke one night and he's mad. What do I do?!
2007-05-14 07:32:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
We've all been nice to him, even though we don't like him. I don't think he has Asberger's either.
2007-05-14 07:52:28 · update #1
Sounds like you just need to sit down over coffee and discuss the issues in person. He's not going to be able to read the tone in an email. Face to face contact is the only way.
2007-05-14 07:35:02 · answer #1 · answered by meetbleek23 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my husband's grandfather was like this. he was a pastor at a small baptist church and i guess it got the best of him. sounds like your on the right page. all you can do is be true to yourself and your church. everything else is out of your hands. if you try to figure him out you will get nowhere, he probably can't even figure it out. rest his soul, my husband's grandfather died of heart failure all alone holier than thou till the day he died. i'd like to think though, he had a slew of inner demons to make ammends with on his way out. so you see these people are just so unhappy they concern themselves with issues that will only bring them down, and then are left picking up the pieces of all the hard feelings caused along the way. you don't have to do anything at all.
2007-05-14 15:40:46 · answer #2 · answered by SW 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he has that 'social disorder' called Asberger's Syndrome"? Ask him. Those people are unable to 'read' body language and make lots of inappropriate comments - they really do not know what is correct and what is offensive. Trust me - I am married to one. Some teaching is useful, but with adult Asb. Syn. there is nothing one can do but show compassion.
2007-05-14 14:46:45 · answer #3 · answered by thisbrit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your trying to communicate the issues, he doesn't seem to get it. i would continue to do what your doing. you may want to read your Y/A question to him. (just making it alittle more pc) the truth may hurt a bit, but it's better in the long run.
2007-05-14 14:38:51 · answer #4 · answered by nite_cap 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to go to him face to face and talk like Christians that you guys are and let him know that he who knows everything really knows nothing.
2007-05-14 14:43:16 · answer #5 · answered by heavenlli_61 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about if you all try to be nicer to him?
2007-05-14 14:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by Judith H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋