.."ur gonna be the only woman in my life but i know that i won't be the only man in yours and i accept that..." i cheated in the past about 6 months into our 4 yr. relationship N now i'm 5 months pregnant & he still brings that up. He now wants us to get married before the baby is born but now i don't want to. I was trully sorry for what i did but seems like he's not ober it. Shuold i marry him anyway and prove him wrong?? I love him very much & i know he loves me alot too but he feels that his looks are not enough for me not to look around anymore. I don't care for his looks because even though he's fit & intelligent but his face doesn't help i love him & desire him only & no other guy. I feel terrible!! Should i ignore what he text messaged me?? i'm 24 he's 29 & about to get married in Sept. What do you suggest?? and no after the first time there hasn't been any other problems with cheating on my end. He's never cheated on me (that i know of at least). HELP!!
2007-05-14 04:35:02 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and no i'm not pregnant with someone elsese' baby. IT's HIS baby!
2007-05-14 04:54:39 · update #1
well before to you to take the big step and no regrets in the future why dont you sit down and talk nad let him tell what hurts him and you tell him how you feel.
AND IF YOU DO GET MARRIED GONGRATS
2007-05-14 04:39:22 · answer #1 · answered by juvenilja13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are pregnant with another man's baby? And he can accept that? Well. It's a touch situation, I'll give you that. But it sounds like, it he can easily accept and come to terms with you wanting to stray on him, then he's probably insecure and would do anything to stay with you. That's not good, in my opinion.
Now I wouldn't cancel the wedding all together but you might want to think about postponing it for a little while because you are right, he's not over you cheating on him and it wouldn't be good at all to have that between you when you take your vows.
Why did you cheat? Does he know why? Talk to him about it, make him understand and you need to understand as well why he feels the way he does about your cheating.
He needs to lose his air of defeat. He's already prepared himself for you to cheat on him again and that to me sounds like he doesn't think he can get any other woman and has settled on keeping you no matter what you do.
What do you mean about his face? Is he disfigured? Is that why he is so insecure? Why do you even bring that up? It doesn't seem like it's a part to the question, are you sure you really don't care?
I have a friend who cheated on her boyfriend and even though he forgave her for it....it will always be there.
Talk to him, that is your only option.
2007-05-14 04:45:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your man is insecure. and ya'll need to work that out before you get married. Maybe some counseling will help. If he keeps bringing up the past you will start resenting him! Every time you guys get into a little feud he will bring up the past and this will hurt the relationship. I would tell him that too, and make him aware of the damage he's doing to you. In a marriage you can't toss out the past and make the other feel guilty, it's mental abuse and the marriage WILL fell. He HAS to let go of the past, and as long as he brings it up it means he hasn't forgiving you for cheating on him. And if you truly love him, it's your job to help him get past it...
and remember,,, looks are not everything. It's whats inside that matters.
Good luck
2007-05-14 04:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by Flying w/ scissors 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not over it and I would get pre-marital counseling. He needs to know that you are sorry, but then he needs to forgive you also. It will be something he always brings up unless you get help. Pre-marital counseling can help with this issue as well as teaching both of you how to argue fairly by sticking to the subject and not throwing in old stuff like this. I would recommend putting the wedding plans on hold for now. Tell him you two can plan a wedding after you have resolved these issues with a counselor. And please don't talk about how unattractive he is. If you love him, then just love him.
2007-05-14 04:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by Running_with_scissors 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A HUGE part of marriage is forgiveness, and to forgive someone, you also have to forget it ever happened. If he says he forgives you, but won't stop bringing it up, I would wait a while or do some pre-marriage counseling, so these things can be cleared up for good. Otherwise he will continue to harass you and it might make it a doomed marriage. Marrying someone for spite is about as smart as jumping off a bridge because everyone else did.Oh and stop saying things like you don't care for his looks. You don't marry someone because of the way they look, you marry them because you love them more than anyone else and you WANT to spend the rest of your lives together. Stop being so shallow.
2007-05-14 04:44:44 · answer #5 · answered by SloanMercy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married just because you are pregnant. Don't get married if you have any second thoughts at all. Maybe you two should put it off for a while. It sounds like he still doesn't trust oyu and you may not be able to fix that. Love is not always enough. Marriage is hard work and you can love someone all you can and it still doesn't work sometimes. I think mutual respect is just as important.
2007-05-14 04:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does not sound like you guys have built a solid enough foundation that you should be considering marriage at this point. He sounds like he's "settling". I'll be honest, him accepting that he's not the only man in your life sounds like he just doesn't think he'll do any better. Other statements sound like he has low self-esteem. That is a tough relationship to have. Plus, he'll probably resent the child.
I would caution strongly attempting to go through with this with this man. You say you love him, but honestly, I can't imagine why you'd cheat on him if that's really the case.
I think it sounds like you are BOTH settling quite frankly. That's not what marriage should be about.
2007-05-14 04:42:02 · answer #7 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting married isnt going to make ur cheating go away. He will always have this in the back of his mind and u will never get out from under that. Dont get married just because u want to prove something to him ... marriage is overrated anyway. You can prove ur faithfulness to him just by showing him not thru marriage.
2007-05-14 05:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put the wedding on hold. There is a lot of counseling that needs to go on b4 u make such a life altering commitment. Don't ever marry anyone to prove a point, it just gives them control. U do what's right 4 u and ur unborn child-everything else will fall in to place.
2007-05-14 04:41:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is being a man by marrying a woman he impregnated, love or no love. You were having fun with another man while saying the words "I love him very much". Your credibility with him is low. He is saying he will painfully endure the marriage for his child knowing well that you will likely do it again (and again).
Both parties are "damaged" goods with lots of emotional baggage but there are so many marriages in America like that. What's the difference anyway?
2007-05-14 04:43:36 · answer #10 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest counseling.
He obviously isn't going to let this go anytime soon.
If he can't get past it and work on your relationship, don't marry him hun. He'll always hang it over your head.
What's the rush to get married anyhow??? Just b/c you're pregnant with his kid??? Take some time, a year or two, then see how the two of you are and where you're at.
Don't rush into marriage just to prove a point.
2007-05-14 04:50:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋