Does divorce generally make your life worse or better?

Question

I was in an abusive marriage and my ex-husband was controlling and money-minded. I feel more free to make decisions now. I live with whatever the consequences are.

I wonder though because my ex keeps telling me that I have ruined my life by leaving him. I have been away from him for about 5 years.

Does life generally get better or worse after leaving a marriage? I know that it will vary from case to case also.

Answer 1

Your ex is pretty funny. It is obvious HIS life has gotten much worse! That is why he is desparately trying to convince you to come back... while attempting to save face by making it seem like YOU are the one that is bad off! What a jerk. You should be very proud of yourself for resisting his evil manipulation. Good for you!

I recommend that you further advance your mental health and personal success by ceasing to have these conversations with him. You do not have to listen to him belittle you or attempt to control you despite the divorce. If you do not HAVE to contact him due to child visitation or exchange, then completely cut off contact with him. If he keeps trying to contact you, call the police. If you must for the kids, limit your conversations to child-specific topics. If he attempts to do any more than that, hang up on him or leave the room. If necessary, always keep another adult with you to protect you from him. Don't let him try to bring you down to his level, and you will rise up even further than you already have. I guarantee it.

In answer to your question: whether or not divorce makes life worse or better is completely dependent on the circumstances and the person. There really is no other way to answer this. In your case, however, it can do nothing but improve the quality of your life, as well as the quality of your person. Good luck!

Answer 2

I got divorced in 1998 and have never regretted it for one minute. I was also in an abusive marriage and I am finally able to live stress free. I went through alot after my divorce. My ex use to call me poor white trash because of who I was seeing. Well, he ended up marrying the poor white trash. He had nothing but problems with the woman that he married. She was a ***** and she was very jealous of me. I was no way going to marry the man that I was seeing. He was a drug addict and that was no life for me. My ex got sick with cancer and died in 2001 and the man that I was seeing passed away also in 2002. Yes, my life finally got better. I am now married again and doing better. I also have three grown children from my first marriage and a grandson. If it wasn't for my children then I would have had no reason to live. I have had no regrets getting my divorce. I was finally released from hell.

Answer 3

Hunnie it really doesn't matter how he treated you, you loved him even though he was abusive. It always gets worse before it gets better. You might want to gather some friends and go out a few times a week. Talk to other people and find out what you want. Watch out for red flags though. They can be nice in the beginning but then comes the red flags. (PS he is telling you that you made a mistake by leaving him, that's not true. He's the one that made a mistake by treating you like he did. You will get worse, before you get better. But then you will look back and ask yourself "what the hell was i thinking?

Answer 4

Having worked with women in your situation I can tell you that your ex's comments are just another way of him trying to control you. He knows what makes you tick and what will hurt you emotionally. You can make your life whatever you want and be happy regardless of what others say. It's up to you as to whether your life gets better or not. Remember happiness is not about who you have in your life or what things you own. It's about finding peace and contentment in yourself. I would say you on your way because you had the courage to walk away. Ignore your ex, he's just pxxxed that he still can't control you so don't allow this to bother you or he's won.

Answer 5

The first year was hell because of all of the emotional aspects and feelings of doubt - relearning myself. After that, things started getting better. Overall life is great, but every life has it's ups and downs. You have to learn to deal with the good and the bad. Sounds like you're a lot better off with out this guy.

Answer 6

BETTER BETTER BETTER BETTER BETTER!!!!!

While it may take some time for you to actually find YOURSELF again and become independent again, it will get better. But also seems like your still allowing him to influence your life even though you all are divorced. Unless you have children, you should avoid him at all cost. If you have children then take a stand and tell him don't care what you think and the only reason we are even speaking is because of the kids.
Good luck to you and keep your chin up!

Answer 7

You should know if your life is better or worse by now...and the answer to that certainly shouldn't change or vary by what your ex tells you.

If you become unhappy just because he tells you you are unhappy, then you are still being controlled and verbally abused by him.

Answer 8

I think that in general most people find their life better emotionally but worse off financially. In your case it sounds like your ex is still trying to control you. Don't let him.

Answer 9

I don't think this question can be properly answered. You're correct, every situation is different. My ex husband was a complete a**, divorcing him made my life better. My current husband is a wonderful man, if he divorced me my life would be horrible.

Answer 10

I would think that, after five years, you would KNOW whether or not leaving your husband ruined your life. If he frequently tells you negative things, it seems like the logical solution would be to quit talking to him. Stop giving him opportunity after opportunity to tell you that you have ruined your life. People who constantly tell you negative things are like cancers -- cut them out!