more details to this question :
ok i will give you all the short version .... it will be a year that hubby and i have been seperated we are now going for a divorce ... but in the year that we were apart .. he hooked up with a girl that was a friend of both of ours ... ( he is 47 she is 33) he is now moving in with her and my son is there with them .. i know for a fact and i have seen with my own eyes that she treats her kids like crap and i do not want my son to go threw this or even be a witness to it ... please keep in mind i am in canada and they are in the usa ... my son does not want to do school here cus his friends are in the usa ( my son is 13) .. my question is should i have some sort of invesigation done on her or if anyone has any idea let me know ... thanks "
I would love to move back to the usa but i can't the reason i was there in the first place was on my soon to be x husbands visa and i was not allowed to work in the usa ... thats why i came back home to canada
2007-05-14 02:56:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You could call the child protection services but unless the abuse is tangible and observable it's unlikely anything will be done to your satisfaction short of isolating your son from someone who already has some questionable parenting skills and/or making him the target of her issues.
2007-05-14 03:03:17 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Treating kids poorly and abuse are two totally different things. I too don't think that they should be but that is the reality.
If your son does want to stay in the US and you have a decent line of communication with your ex then I would first sit down and have a chat about the situation.
You two should be able to set some boundries about whom will discipline your child and who will not! Also if there are actions that you prefer your son not witness discuss those with your ex as well.
The biggest line of communication that you need to keep open is with you son. Don't grill him about life with dad but talk to him and let him know that families have different ways of dealing with things and he may see friends or family treat children different that he is used to at this point. Encourage him to talk to you AND his dad about any problems, fears or difficulties that he may have as well as if there is something said or done that really bothers him.
He needs to know that in both of you he has a "safe place" to vent his frustrations and that you both will be there and support him.
As far as moving back here what is your divorce paperwork going to say about custody of your son? Perhaps if you have custody then he is not going to have a choice on where he lives and will need to go back to Canada. Kids can adapt and make new friends where ever they are a whole lot easier than adults.
Realize that initiating an investigation will cause harsh feelings on behalf of your ex and his new girlfriend. A private investigator may be able to snap some photos of less than stellar actions or conditions but in reality it may end up causing more harm than good.
Is your ex a good father? Does he want what is best for his son? Will he protect him from any and all? If your answer to these is yes then talk to him and voice your concerns. Don't accuse her of doing anything just state them as concerns and have specific examples of what you have seen and how it is not even close to being in line with the way that you and your ex have chosen to raise your son.
Good luck!
2007-05-14 10:14:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your son's safety and well-being, of course you need to investigate the matter, to at least put your mind at ease. But firstly, have a nice chat with your son and find out if he's well and fine andinsist that he tells you the truth
However, don't embark on this alone. Engage the assistance of a reliable private investigator or have a friend(in the USA) to lok up on your son every once in a while. I believe you could also have the social service worker to help you out. Perhaps, you'd also like to seek assistance from the Embassy of Canada in the USA.
2007-05-14 10:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by Destiny Wan 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is a really tough situation, I think hiring someone may be a bit much, but I do not see any other choice for you, if you pry and tell your ex what you feel, he may think you are just jealous and trying to sabotage his new relationship, so go ahead and hire the investagator, make sure it is one who will hold up in court! About your son, he is 13, if you make him he has to go to school where you say, but you also do not want to make him resent you, tell him there are new friends to be made in Canada and hopefully he will be ok with that. There is not much you can do about moving back to the US so guess that you have to work with what you have!! good luck!
2007-05-14 10:02:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can not always be in control of the people around you. Go do something to take your mind off the ex and let your son enjoy the time he has with his father.
2007-05-14 10:04:22 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you can not control who your hubby shares his life with and ultimately he has a right to spend time with his child. The good thing is your child is old enough to tell you if he is being mistreated by the girlfriend. When your child is with your ex hubby it is his responsibility to protect his son...has he ever given you reason to believe that he wouldnt do that?
2007-05-14 10:00:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Communicate with your son. If he is unhappy he will tell you. Just make sure he knows he can come to you if he feels uncomfortable there.
2007-05-14 10:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by Aquaria 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
no investigation. i think this a person matter.
2007-05-14 10:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
stay where you are and let him screw up his own life
2007-05-14 10:10:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋