How would you feel if you woke up at 3 in th morning to find your bloke in a different room pleasuring himself while watching porn? im hurt by it not because its wrong, i agree with it but because of doing it over other women and been sneaky about it, he turned the TV off and tried to pretend he want there thinking i was still half asleep and now he has told me he does this all the time but feels guilty afterwards. I feel that he would just rather pleasure himself because he makes no effort in our sex life and he obviously prefers to watch women on tv and then lie to me!
2007-05-14 02:39:52 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When we do have sex its brilliant, but he says he done the pleasure thing himself as a cheap thrill and he didnt want to wake me..........he is talking complete **** and i dont know where i stand. Im meant to be marrying him in a couple of months!
2007-05-14 02:49:50 · update #1
i dont have any problems when we watch porn together and recreate...but its just the sneaking around and lying i hate....thats what hurts and the fact he prefers to look at other women obviously
2007-05-14 02:52:25 · update #2
I'd be very upset and insulted. Men just don't get it.
2007-05-14 02:44:13 · answer #1 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 5⤊ 4⤋
My husband had problems with this also and it made me upset and feel like I wasn't good, pretty or skinny enough. When I asked him to stop I thought he had until I found out he was just doing it behind my back. Our sex life was so so! So I decided he was going to do it no matter how it made me feel.r He said he didn't want to and it made him feel bad afterwards also but that I needed to understand he was a guy. He also said it wasn't the women he liked it was just the whole "sex " stuff.. So I said well fine if he's going to do anyway it why not join him? So we'd watch it and mess around. We also stopped by a "Adult Store" to purchase a few "play items" and I have to say since then he doesn't ask to watch or look at porn as much!
2007-05-14 02:55:05 · answer #2 · answered by Misty Lane 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I sympathise with you, because exactly the same thing happenned to me, i woke up early one morning and found my hubby in the kitchen, I was angry because we were supposed to have a good sex life, and I felt he should have woken me up and resorted to masturbation, if I wasn't in the mood, which is rarely the case.
I think men still need to have masturbation in their life the way we do. but felt betrayed by the sneakiness more than anything else.
I also found he had accessed websites which instruct on how to hide things you have been searching for. I'm not a prude I like porn and have an open mind, but I do hate dishonesty.
Ask him to include you and tell him you feel betrayed because he was sneaky.
2007-05-16 23:02:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that alot of men masturbate,but i agree with you.I am a guy,and if i do that i'd rather do it in front of my wife,but i don't care what anyone says theres nothing like the real thing.But my wife use to get turned on by watching me.But if i've gotta choice,forget the hand,i'm going for the wife.Maybe he's having thoughts of being with some one else or just fantasizing.But if he is not making any effort in your sex life,I'd say he has someone else in mind.
2007-05-14 06:09:59 · answer #4 · answered by 8seconds 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Revised answer following the further details provided:
All you can do is talk to him saying exactly how you feel about the deceitfulness. Try and get him to be honest about how he feels about pornography without you being too judgemental or angry.
Anger on your part could lead him to trying to placate you and being further dishonest in order to calm you down.
If you're potentially getting married soon you have to sort this issue out one way or the other in as calm and reasonable manner as possible.
I disagree that he prefers the women in the pornography to you. He is having no relationship of any kind with them whether emotional or physical.
You have to decide whether you can see what he's doing for what it really is (i.e. just getting his rocks off and not in anyway having an affair with anyone), get him to be honest about it and reach some form of understanding on the issue.
If you remain uncomfortable or still feel that you cannot trust him, you MUST end the relationship and not get married. Women often have a better appreciation than men about what marriage vows really mean and your bloke wouldn't be fulfilling his side of the deal if you feel uncomfortable.
Don't let the lure and excitement of marriage make you decide to let the issue drop without resolution because it will come back to haunt you and cause you infinitely more upset than you're feeling now.
Take care.
2007-05-14 03:36:26 · answer #5 · answered by Oliver C 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sometimes you just feel the need.
If that's what he felt and would have asked you if you been awake but because you were asleep he did not want to disturb you.
Guys always masturbate even with a very healthy sex life and it's difficult for a woman to understand. Not sure if we even do ourselves, you just get an urge.
From my own experience it does not mean anything against my partner in anyway shape of form. She does exactly the same as you, watches porn, recreates it etc and is very, very good in bed and I love her to pieces. She will always pleasure me even if she does not feel like it herself she will always masturbate me so I don't have to do it myself. BUT I still have the odd one, not long ago she went to bed earlier than me and I had one downstairs watching the porn channel. TRUST me it does not mean that I don't love her, I just felt the urge and did not want to disturb her.
She would react exactly the same as you are if she knew. I does not mean that we don't love you and looking at the other women just makes the w**k quicker, nothing else.
He was probably embarrassed to be caught as I would be.
I don't think you have any need to worry. I don't think we can help ourselves, if he is a healthy male I am sure he has been doing it for years and it is a bit of a habit that would be difficult to break, when the urge takes.
2007-05-14 03:10:12 · answer #6 · answered by Zaksta 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well I think it's kinda normal, my man use to spank it to porn almost every change he could get when I wasn't around. Now that I'm a stay at home mom though I'm always home and he can't but I also make sure that I please him too, or at least I try my best. Sometimes though he gives up before he comes because he gets tired and that always makes me feel bad because I think I have never done my part even if I was trying the best I can. Just try to bring the sex back to the relationship. So maybe before you guys go to bed or something try doing some foreplay and see if maybe he will have sex with you. If you can please him then he won't have to please himself.
2007-05-14 02:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by T 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am a bloke of 24.
I am currently engaged and due to be married to my girl who i also live with.
A while back i went through a stage where i had no sex drive at all!!
i was still masturbating,...in fact,....i was doing it more.
at the time i was(and still are alittle) suffering with depression.
maybe thats what the problem is?
but to add, i have allways give myself a quik'en, and to be honest, allways will until im old and grey.
its something i've been doing since the start of puberty, and im not gonna change!!
My girlfriend walked in on me a week ago, and i said to either help or get out.....lol.
its simple.
2007-05-14 03:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by Chimplad 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The poster before me said most guys do this and to "chill" however true that is, it isn't right when it takes away from the sex life between the two of you. You're only to blame if you never initiate sex with him. But if he is wasting his engery masturbating and he doesn't have energy for sex with you, then I would say it is a problem. Sounds like the two of you need to have a long talk and lay the truth of both sides on the table.
2007-05-14 02:46:58 · answer #9 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
move on girlie , this is a serious problem if he feels the need to pleasure himself and to watch porn obviously its because he thinks his sex life is boring or he is just too much of an idiot to value what he has next to him at night
2007-05-14 02:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by cindy e 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He wasn't out on the streets or at some bar trying to pick up some trash.
Maybe this is his way to fantasize about getting it a little differently and maybe he would like things a little spiced up? What was he watching, maybe you can make these fantasies come true for him?
Or maybe he just didn't want to wake you up and needed to get a little "relief".
Either way, going off the deep end about it isn't going to change how he feels, it will just shut down communication channels between you two about it. Would you prefer that?
2007-05-14 04:27:42 · answer #11 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 2⤊ 4⤋