I donot get sexual satisfaction from my husband. and it fustrates me. All he care about is his job.?

Question

I am 32 and he is 41. I met him 2 yrs ago and we've been married for 3 months now. Our sex life was great at the beginning, then later we started going 4 weeks without having sex. At one point i got pregnant and we both thought it wasn't the right time for us to have a baby so we decided to go for a termination. After that we stayed for about 3 months without sex. We were both traumatised. We got over it and tried to move on. But he still wasn't interested in sex. Even when i try to seduce him, he is just not there. Finally he confessed to me that he's been using drugs for the past 10yrs to get any sexual arousement. I was devastated. I felt demoralised. He said he's been using drugs with me from the beginning. I proposed he talk to his GP for advice. But he hasn't done anything. I just have the feeling he doesn't care at all. I thot his job is giving alot of stress, but went for wkend, away from all the stress. But my husbnd still didnot go for it. I'm frustrated n dnt know wot to do!

Answer 1

Make an appointment for the two of you. If he won't go. you go talk to your doc and go from there. You need support. Seek out family and friends, you do not need to tell them the reason, just say you need their love and friendship right now. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

I feel for you because I know the frustration and pain of wondering if it's you, but it's not. I have been with the same wonderful man for 20 years and I have never recieved sexual satisfaction from him, but he has so many other good qualities that I longed for in a man that having some fun in bed and 'getting there' by myself has gotten me through. I tried everything to interest him and teach him, short of a sex counsellor because he never seemed to be all that bothered by it, and finally I had to just come to terms with the fact that I love this man and he loves me even though our libidos don't match. It's not easy, especially when so many men are so willing to give you what you are not getting at home. But is it worth sacrificing what you have together? Keep talking to him and let him know just how serious it is to you and that you need this problem to get fixed. Have you thought about an open relationship for sexual fulfillment? It works for some people. Would he be willing to let you find fulfillment elsewhere if he is not willing or able to do it? Would you actually want to? Personally for me I didn't want another man touching me but I found it lonesome doing it alone, without contact, without intimacy. I did have an affair, that lasted for a few years and was kept very discreet. Most of the time it's a do-it-yourself thing though, and now I don't have the need for it like I used to.
It sounds like you love him and want to work it out with him. I encourage you to keep trying, in any way that you can, and remember that we all go through tough times but who we go through them with can make all the difference. Good luck!

Answer 3

Initially I thought he might have been scared he might get you pregnant again however, he's been using drugs for the past ten years so therefore, that suggests he has an erectile dysfunction.

I'm not a doctor but, if he can't ever "get it up" without the use of drugs then, he needs to see his doctor...perhaps he needs to go on another type of drug? This one obviously isn't working anymore.

If he doesn't meet you half way, you're going to have to decide whether you want to stay in a relationship that's going to leave you feeling constantly frustrated and lonely.

You can always buy a vibrator but hey, that thing isn't going to hold you late at night and also, if you want to try and start a family again, you can't do that without your hubby.....keep talking to him otherwise, it might be time to realise that this is probably as good as it's going to get.

Sorry. :-(

Btw, the drugs he's currently on....were they prescribed by a doctor or, are they recreational? If it's the latter, he may need to get help in that area as well.

I hope things work out for you both.

Answer 4

Sex depends largely on condition of mind.You have to find out the reason.Psychologist should examine.The reason for termination of first pregnancy and now the no-sex atttitude seems,financial insecurity,unwillingness to incurr expenditure for baby etc may be the real reasons.You have to deal with the situation carefully.Job stress may be another reason.Have a free talk on all issues.Good Luck.

Answer 5

Oh you poor thing, I do sense a lot of things under the surface here, though I don't know the whole situation.

Firstly, he's not been entirely honest with you from the start, that isn't good. As his wife he should be able to SHARE the stress and his worries with you as far as his sexual problems are concerned- not hide them. Now we all know not being honest is bad because it desroys trust, but in this case, he's lied to you because he may have felt ashamed, or bad about himself because he may have a sexual dysfunction. So do be gentle with him.

You need to talk to him and re assure him that even if he has a dysfunction like this, that he is your husband and you are his wife and you married him in sickness and health. Tell him that he should have felt he could trust you to tell you about this problem. Tell him that you will support him and help him though it, and NOT just because you'd like sex...but because you love him and care about his happiness and health.

Secondly concerning this termination- of course that has created feelings of sadness for you both but you must look to the future. One thing that you can do is to discuss contraception and to get control of that in a way you are both happy with. That is going to make both of you more confidant with sex, in as much as if you have good contraception you will not be constantly worried about a repeat performance of having another termination.

For good sex, you need to be relaxed, I think part of the problem is that one or both of you may worry that another pregancy may result.

You need to tell him and re assure him that his happiness is more important to you than sex. Sex is sex and it will come back when all the foundations of your relationship are steady again. That is what you have to work on and it's going to take some time and persistance.

It is possible, if not likely that some of the reason he has a problem sexually is psycholgical. In fact all of the problem may be in his mind. I strongly advise you to have a good talk with him, be compassionate and understanding..do not demand sex but listen to him. His confidance is low, and he needs you to be understanding.

If you can do this and he can finally confide in you then you will probably stand a better chance of convincing him to go to a doctor. Men can be very very enfuriating in this respect sometimes..they hate to go- it's like trying to get a dog to have a bath!

Perhaps the doctor will refer you both to sexual therepist who will be able to assist you with some of the issues. I do sincerely wish you the best. It would be a terrible thing to give up on the person you love because of what is a very solveable problem.

This website may also help you

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/


love

Lady Seph

Answer 6

Make an appointment to see a relate counsellor.

Hmm Never saw the word love mentioned here are you just in this marriage for the sex. You both have problems and relate can help you to resolve them one way or another.

Could be that the termination is always with him and feels that it might happen again and also he may be feeling very guilty about it.

Answer 7

it sounds like you need to sit him down properly and tell him how you feel. You wont get any where with your husband unless you properly communicate with each other and it looks like you both have trouble doing that. Demand that you start seeing a marriage therapist as it will save your marriage and relationship. Divorce should be on your agenda when all else fails. Good luck

Answer 8

wow,you have been stiffed in a horrible way.
I dont think your husband will get better mentally or physically until he gets off the drugs.
Hes in love and infactuated with drugs when he should be in love and infactuated with you.
Drugs see people end up a shadow of themselves,they cannot see past their next fix and will lie and cheat in any way to get what they need.
Everyone needs intimacy and love,to love some one and not get the love back is just awful.
If your husband needs drugs to be intimate with you then you will always be second best,your husband needs help.
Probably one of the biggest decisions you have to make is,do you love your husband enough to stick around and help him,do you love yourself enough to put your own needs aside in order to help your husband.
Does your husband love you enough to help himself in order to get your lives back.
If you dont know of you think the answers are 'no' then your only option is to walk away and let your husband sort himself out.
You are extremely young and for you to forefit a loving relationship with a loving partner for drugs is a massive thing to ask of some one.
Really think about where your going with your marriage and what you want from it,if your not happy and cannot see this as a happy marriage then you need to think of yourself and make changes,,
good luck

Answer 9

You guys need to go to a therapist to get this ironed out. If he won't go with you, go by yourself so you can be helped to decide how to work through this. Part of marriage is satisfactory sex and affection in general. In the meantime, go to www.talksexwithsue.com and see about ordering a mechanical product that will help you with your sexual frustration.

Answer 10

sorry for your problem but I think that you have to try more before thinking in divorce or 3rd part seduce him be more receptive make him feel guilty if he is good man he will do something
wish u the best and nice sex