I've been in this relationship for 3 years with a girl. We have a good relationship and all just for the past FOUR months there have been some trust issues. Four months ago she was hiding text messages, calls, and emails from me, basically I was suspicious she was cheating on me.
Well we worked everything out, and this certain guy will text her "." or "?" in the middle of the night. She will say that maybe he is drunk, or it was an accident.
So I brought it up again and she goes, "Whatever your trust issues are, I want to help you with them. If you don't want me to go somewhere, I won't. If I wanted to be with him, I would."
She says if she wanted to be with him she would.. but that doesn't mean she can't be having an affair on the side, am I right?
2007-05-14 01:22:12 · 12 answers · asked by adam f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
trust is a major thing in any relationship and it can make or break the relationship
ask her straight out if she is having an affair...if she has had since she has been with you or if all of this is leading up to her having one.
if you do not trust her...or learn to trust her again if possible, you will never make it in this relationship
she needs to know how you feel about the things she is and has done and that the computer thing, calls and things are an issue that you can not deal with.
after your talk you will know if you do or can trust her...if so, cool and your life will more than likely work out with her
if not...you can't trust her, then you might as well say goodbye now because without trust you have nothing and it will never work...or at least work to where you will be happy.
be cool...
2007-05-14 01:36:07 · answer #1 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adam, you obviously have an issue here that needs addressing. Your not going to play second fiddle to no one person.
If hse wants you that's fine. If she wants you and also wants to see tohers or talk with others that's not fine.
She needs to make up her mind.
If I was you and your not married...DONT" get married to this girl.
3 years doesn't mean anything except that you've known her for three years and truly it's not working out.
Trust, honesty and respect goes a long ways in a realtionship and then honor of the vows.
I would back off of this one even though, it may bother you, you will be much better in the long run.
The reasons and basis for my decision here is based on what you say and I take that litewrally in order to give advice.
I've been married 23 years guy. I've been to hell and back. I won't ever get married again. Trust issues??
You best get them out in the open right now and not find out later when you get married.
2007-05-14 01:31:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are, she might not have a choice to stay with you for now, Maybe he's married or he has a girl he need to get rid of before he can take her in , i would say get out while you can no one sms in the middle of the night and say o sorry it was a mistake, if you believe that then good luck, you sound like a great man so go and get a girl that will be true to you and not mess with your hart. She has hid stuff from you once what can she do next . Go and find happiness .
2007-05-14 02:20:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should start texting a friend of yours while she's around. Not only that, start working on your trust issues by leaving her alone. If you really want to know what's up, give her S P A C E. You need to focus on yourself, network with other people and strengthen the areas in your life that are weak. Go on a weekend trip with a couple of friends, go take a class, go help someone else in need, treat yourself right and remember give her room and before you know it the truth of what is really going on with soon show up.
Don't put so much energy into what she is doing. Take care of you and make yourself a better man for the woman who would not disrespect you that way.
2007-05-14 01:32:35 · answer #4 · answered by pradavee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you're right. Actually, you hit the nail on the head.
If you are not happy with this "texting" her or what ever communication they have just tell her.
It is very possible it may be an issue that they are just friends or an accident. If it repeatedly happens, then the guy may have something for her or she is "getting some" on the side.
You have a perfect right to be concerned. Only you can answer this. You live with her.
2007-05-14 02:16:03 · answer #5 · answered by Magicman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's hard to say. If this guy has all of her e-mails and phone numbers, the question is why?? I could see if it was her brother, but it's not. Maybe you should find out the reason why she has let him contact her?The best thing to overcome the trust issue is for her to cut all ties with this guy. Maybe she is leading him on that's why he keeps contacting her? How would she like it if the shoe was on the other foot? She needs to let go of this guy. You should have a serious talk with her about it.
2007-05-14 01:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a trust issue for sure; but she is the reason behind it. If this guy is texting her and she doesn't know why.....a bit hard to believe. If she will anything to earn your trust, tell her to have him stop contacting her. You never said....does she let you read what he says? If so, then you know if it's innocent. If not, you have every reason to be suspicious. There should be no secrets between partners. Good luck
2007-05-14 01:27:46 · answer #7 · answered by Sue S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You describe it as a relationship. Not a marriage, not even as engaged. So, what's the problem? You are either living with, or just dating a lady. Whatever the relationship is, it hasn't been meaningful enough to lead to marriage. So, you want to play house, but somehow have playtime be considered meaningful. You even have issues with her possibly sharing playtime with some other playmate. Why shouldn't she? You haven't mentioned asking her to marry you, you simply describe it as a good relationship. So, are you high school kids, dating? Or are you an adult, that thinks they can have adult commitments, (faithfulness, loyalty, and trust) without bothering with the one thing that does grant a reasonable expectation of exclusiveness- marriage. Buddy, you act like you have a right to just shack up or date a woman, and that relationship will equal marriage. It doesn't. You want traditional things like a marriage? Get married. You want to be free, fine. Don't expect somebody else to act obligated, while you avoid obligations.
2007-05-14 01:47:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are correct...When a person is guilt about anything, the first sign they are guilt is when they get on the defensive side and start making excuses as if you were accusing them of something...
Your intuition is telling you she is cheating, but are ignoring it. And you really shouldn't. Until you call it quits with her, she will continue to allow this other person to send her text messages all hours of the night and be secretive about every thing now.
My only advice to you is GET OUT WHY YOU CAN
2007-05-14 01:44:29 · answer #9 · answered by plumprump26 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, this doesn't belong in this section... You're shacking, not married.
Second, it sounds like you're just digging around for a reason to dump her.
It means, IF she wanted to cheat, she would. She wouldn't be getting messages in the middle of the night, she'd be boinking him behind your back and he wouldn't need to message her.
You're just a child, tired of playing house and want to move on, and you'll make up ANY reason to do it.
Man up, break up if you want, or don't. But stop whining.
2007-05-14 01:28:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋