I have a girlfriend who is pregnant now... And I would like to be it's father... But I don't want to marry the girl nor live in with her because I don't love her 100%, not even 80%... And I don't what to do or what to say to her. Making things more complicated is that in our culture here in the Philippines, once a guy gets a girl pregnant, they have to get married because they say that it's "immoral"... And I'm basically stuck and an advice would be great help.
2007-05-14 00:40:55 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
About love: it is a choice, you choose who you will love and who you won't. It is also something that must be two way to work. Still, it is a choice. The problem here is not that you do not "love her" by some percent. The problem is you think that marriage is something that will stop you from living. Having sex with anyone you chose is not living. Living is being able to have total relation with someone you can always depend on. If she was willing to have sex, then she probably is willing to be fully depended upon.
About Sex: unlike what most have come to believe, sex is a binding act. That is to say, by having sex you became married, even without a marriage service. She is your wife, you are her husband. Even if there was "protection" used, there is still the biological, chemical, emotional, and spiritual changes that occur directly as a result of sexual stimulation.
The only other option would be for you to "die." This means that you must help her find a man who will take good care of her, and take the child as his own in totallity. Then you leave out of their lives for good, and let the child call the man that raises him/her dad.
A father should be the father to all children born to a woman, not just some, while others have a different dad. You don't have to physically die, just never be a part of their (mother and child) lives. But, as the seed father, it is your duty to first insure that the child and the child's mother is in the good care of a man that will love them and care for All the financial needs too.
2007-05-17 00:18:01 · answer #1 · answered by Vman 2040 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not marry her just for the sake of the baby, be the best father you can be because if you marry and are not in love it is worse for the child because then it will end up in divorce. I have a friend who is a father and never married the mother and he has a great relationship with his daughter. He ended up marrieing someone else and so did the mother and it all worked out great. So don't think you have to marry just because your having a child after all Anyone can father a child but it takes someone special to be a DAD! Good luck
2007-05-14 04:22:58 · answer #2 · answered by jbl131 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you didn't want to be with her you shouldn't have BEEN with her. You can't just have your fun and then run. You used her but now it's backfired. You made a choice to risk it for sex.. now your risk is reality.
You have responsibilities now. You must honor them. A child is not something you can choose to raise or not! The baby is here, you are the father. You have no choice about that. But you do have a choice in what kind of life your child has.
BE A MAN. BE A FATHER not a coward. This baby is the innocent one here.. it deserves a family and a good name. You must become a good husband and father. You are not the first to make sacrifices for the sake of a child and you won't be the last.. but as we say: you've made your bed, now you must lie in it. This is your Karma.
2007-05-14 01:28:00 · answer #3 · answered by Aussie mum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really honestly think that you do not have to be married to be a father, you can support her and the child, and be actively involved in the child's' life without being married. This fact is supported by the many millions of single parents out there who are successfully rearing children without being married, and who have the support of their child's other parent to help out. Culturally you say it is viewed as immoral there, well you may have to swallow that, but if you get married to someone you really don't love then the marriage is unlikley to succeed.
2007-05-14 02:45:56 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
although it is your culture to marry in this kind of situation for the moral factor,you have to know that you do not have to marry her this is the twenty-first century, and at the same time you have to live with the people of your culture. you will have a big problem there, you need to talk to her and the two family's need to get together and talk as well. maybe you can work things out by making sure that she and her family knows that you will be there for her and the baby. this is the only thing i can think of i am afraid that i may not have help you at all, i just don't know enough about you cultures sorry
2007-05-14 01:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by Sonya K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how old you are but I would say No, pregnancy is NOT a reason to get married.Some people might think so but if you don't love her 100% you are looking at the chance of becoming resentful of being tied to her for life.A home with two parents is great for a kid IF its a happy home,but if its not a happy home there will be arguments and I would think it is completely to be a father even if your not married to the mother.Just make sure its what you want because divorce is a lot more expensive and time consuming then getting married.
2007-05-14 00:46:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
nicely from my very own adventure (kin) there have been distinctive effects. i'm the made from 2 persons that have been given married by fact they have been given pregnant. I observed some tough situations between my mom and dad, yet i think that their relationship grow to be a reliable one and that they set a reliable occasion for me. I even have faith that because of this there grow to be some generational discovered habit...2 of my 5 sisters additionally married out by being pregnant. One divorced after 2 years (which i'm happy for). the different has experienced incredibly some tough situations. I certainly have a nil.33 sister who did no longer marry whilst she have been given pregnant. She gets financial help form the daddy, yet no different touch. She is quite happy with the affiliation. If i had to evaluate the marriages of my sisters and myself who did no longer get pregnant earlier marriage, i might say that those are the happier. there is something with regard to the relationship that gets to construct merely before a infant that's mandatory for its survival. i opt to propose that she no longer marry a individual she only knew for some months. It takes years to comprehend somebody and comprehend in case you're quite nicely suited with that individual. additionally to characteristic...abortion is an quite difficult technique. the after effects are lots greater huge than is dealt with interior the media. as a social worker, and seeing youthful woman who've made this selection. that's quite complicated to get better and not experience imminence guilt for the action. i does no longer choose the grief on every person.
2016-10-15 22:32:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should marry anyone if you dont love them 100% because it is possible that later you will start to look at other women and fall in love then you would be hurting all of you involved. You do however need to be responsible financially and emotionally for the child. I dont know how the women are treated in the Philippines if they have a child and are not married. If they are rejected or ostracized by society then it is your responsibility to prevent that. You both made the decision to have sex so you are both responsible for the child.
2007-05-14 00:51:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you mean well, I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with the GF. Tell her your true intentions and assure her of your support even if you do not love her.
Try reversing roles. And you will know the right thing to do.
Now if you don't want to marry the girl, the least you can do is provide child support. That way, you take full responsibility for your action.
As for the morality part, you need to talk to a priest. Perhaps he can give you better advice.
2007-05-14 01:12:13 · answer #9 · answered by Ding 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the same problem most guys have ... you were thinking with your d!ck! Now, you can either marry the girl or make child support payments for the next two decades. Of course, mere child support checks are cold comfort to a child who will never know what it is like to have a daddy around to provide guidance and personal leadership or to a woman who is now ostracized by her family. You should have tried thinking with your correct head! Or, you could help her place an ad for a nice American mail-order husband who wants to marry a cute single mom, and then you can conveniently escape into unlocatability after that.
NOTE: I am also astonished by how many women on this thread would let this cheap male $/ut off the hook so easily!
2007-05-14 00:49:05 · answer #10 · answered by Theodore H 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋