Are we helped or hurt by myths of happiness?

Question

Which is more true? (1) Children would be better off not to receive such a falsely bright and happy notion of life which then leads to a lifetime of disillusionment and questioning "where is my bright and happy life?" or (2) Because we create our own realities and fulfill our own prophecies, it is good to instill all positive notions of the future in children's minds? I wonder about these things because I wonder if being unhappy is a product of unrealistic expectations that I have carried from childhood. Would a hard realism have served us all better? Maybe if we were raised to expect unending struggle and hardship, we would find more value in life's natural, incidental pleasures and beauties without waiting for happiness. If, on the contrary, we manifest our hopes and dreams, then we need even MORE optimism. This haunts me as a very essential "either / or" philosophical question about life.

Amp, clearly in the optimists’ camp, restates the obvious positive thinking argument. Udaya seems to be on to mindfulness, but he is limited by his English. Tman associates struggle and hardship line with dominant religions… interesting…indeed, true in eastern as well as western religions. Shachi reminds us of impermanence, but again, her language limitations. Yy intrigues with the notion that we are deceived/blinded… what is he getting at? Tim’s definition of happiness based on purpose/virtue is intellectually appealing, the best textbook answer. Dlin has a very healthy understanding… seems to focus on balance. Jan makes a good point that people seem to have built-in propensities for happy-go-lucky versus morbid personalities, but if we are born this way or that, why did he need to say "“you’re a pessimist, possibly by choice, who needs to step back and get a grip”? That felt like a slap. Anyhow, thank you all for your answers. I’ll let it go to a vote.

One more note...my question was not meant to be about optimism versus pessimism, but rather “sweetened” versus “unsweetened” expectations in life. Marriage and partnership are a good example. I've known some Indian and Japanese married couples who had arranged marriages. These relationships came about without any foundational romantic love fantasy… yet they seem to achieve contentment with at least as much success as Americans couples who start out by falling in "love," which is the playing out of a socially instilled happiness expectation. That's what I'm pondering. Again, thanks for your thoughts.

Answer 1

Happiness is not a myth. It's better to cultivate positive thoughts because thoughts have power & they do come true.

Children should be taught that yes sometimes things go wrong, but you can overcome. Dreams do come true. It is because people lose their childlike sense of wonder & optimism that they become unhappy as adults.

Life is not unending struggle & hardship. There are struggles but there is also beauty & pleasure that make life worth living. Focus on the positive & you will find happiness. Focus on the negative & you will create misery.

Answer 2

Happiness is a state of mind. Ones view on life is influenced not only by our experience, but by our self worth. One doesn't "wait" to be happy; they become happy by doing.
Some people seem to be born more optimistic and naturally happy than others. They would still crack a joke if they were galley slaves; their life situation wouldn't matter. Others become morbid and depressed if their hair doesn't comb out the way they want it to in the morning.
I do not view life as an unending struggle; things happen, I deal with it. We ourselves make an event more dramatic than it needs to be; more disastrous; more meaningful.
The hard realism is you're a pessimist, possiblely by choice, who needs to step back and get a grip.

Answer 3

I've been thinking about much the same thing myself, lately.

The direction my musings have taken me is, would we do more to make life better if we didn't ignore reality?

I sometimes think I would have done very different things with my life if I'd had an awareness of what life is really like, rather than being essentially blind to what was really happening.

I think it's amazing how the human mind can overlook what's real if it's conditioned to believe what's not.

Critical thinking skills should be taught in every school, at every level.

Answer 4

The most harmful "myth" of happiness in modernity is the reduction of the meaning of happiness to a positive emotional state. However, happiness is related, not simply to emotions, but to the discernment of one's purpose related to one's nature. Happiness is the fulfillment of the purpose of one's nature in accord with virtue.

Answer 5

I beleive the second bit of your question is tru and is what you should focus on. This bit "Maybe if we were raised to expect unending struggle and hardship" as all religons say this and focus on getting the best in the hereafter!

kool!

Answer 6

happiness is not a myth,,,, but i think we need to emphasis that it is individual,, meaning you will find happiness in individual things/events,,,,,, just as you will find hardship or sadness in individual things/events...... to me, happiness is not some type of grand "all over" feeling,,,,, and the source of it is also individual, what makes one person happy,, doesnt for the other...... children are very smart,,,,,, and aware,,,,, so i think it actually would be difficult for them to not see negatives in the world,,,,,,, to me you present them with a balance,,,,,, of what the world is,,,,,, and help them to see that for a great part, their happiness comes from within them,,,,,, as does their pleasure in this experience we call life,,,,,,, helping them develop a strong core/spirit will help them deal with lifes negatives,,,,,,,
as to childhood expectations,,,,,, some of that is influenced by parents, and some comes from the child,,,,,, to me, its very difficult for a child to have a full view of what adulthood is,,,,,, that is something that takes maturing,,,,,,, and no, you cant sit and wait for happiness,, you look for it and find it,,,,,, and dont wait for grand things, find it in a smile,,,,, in a shared conversation,,,,, in the ability to be on the internet,,,, in being human and being alive,,,, etc etc

Answer 7

most probably v r helped coz due to happiness v develop an optimistic attitude towards life n in times of trouble know tht nothing is permanent.......not evn our problems!

Answer 8

Happiness is something which you are unaware the time it comes and goes? Find the things which people never hurt and do it there you will get everlasting happiness.