We have been dating for year and a half. He is unsure if he wants to have kids, will not tell me yes or no. He is 43 and I am 37. He just doesn't know if he wants them but he is sure he wants to be with me and eventually marry me. what should I do ?
2007-05-13 18:40:38 · 14 answers · asked by ala 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make sure that you get everything out in the open before you make any commitments. It is always best to know how he feels before making any promises. If you don't agree it is best to move on before you and he hurt each other.
2007-05-13 18:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every strong long term relationship I've witness starts with basic principles and goals shared by each partner. Without this you end up with regrets. It's harder at this age to decide if that's something right for you. I can see his struggles with indecision. Becoming a parent is a huge job which takes many long years away from being just a couple. It's a huge responsibility emotionally and financially. Not that many people don't start families later in life but it is a big decision the longer you wait. By the time the kids are old enough to move out and leave the nest you're ready to begin the retirement phase of your life. This might not be possible if your supporting them through college. These are things which might be weighing on his mind.
For you I think it's important to think about whether you absolutely feel like you want to be a mom. Can you live with this man without feeling regret and resentment towards him if he decides later he doesn't want any? Once you are able to figure this out you'll have your answer.
2007-05-13 18:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by Orion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer lies within you! If YOU want children, you want to be sure your husband wants them, too! If he's not sure, you can pretty much be assured that his answer is really NO...but he does not want to lose you because of it...DON'T have a child hoping he will change his mind one way or the other...AND DON'T risk the child's future with a man that can't make up his mind.....At the age of 43 he will be in his early 60s when the child is an adult..... I had my last child at the age of 38 and it was not as easy on my physically as it was when I had my first 2 in my 20s....YOU need to decide soon IF you want children and get on with it, but you'll need to find someone else to marry you that will say YES to kids...
....Once you have a child it's not about you or him anymore, it's all about the life you've brought into this world...Children are a blessing...The father needs to be on the same page as you...If you don't want to find someone else, get your tubes tied~!.....
2007-05-13 18:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by Call me-C-4-Curious- 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know how deep is your love for this man, but if you want kids and he do not, and he do not. you may get married and after a year or two you will find your self been very unhappy and feuding over the fact that he don't want kids and you do , until he can really make up his mind about this, i would not think about getting married, and eventually marry you sound like a losing battle also, before you get your felling any deeper , maybe you should consider dating someone else.Time is wasting, and you are not getting any younger.
2007-05-13 18:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by I am women 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time is fast running out where it becomes difficult if not impossible for you to have children due the onset of menopause. Plus in some women fertility is partially impared as they age, so I would say if you are dead set on having children and not just adopting, then you need to explain it to this person and if he still hems and haws about it then you need to break it off and start looking for someone who will be willing to be a father to your children. The thing here to remember is if he doesn't want kids now forcing him into being a dad will not make him love the children and in fact he might even be resentful of their presence in his life at this age. So all in all I suggest that you have already explained your desires to him and you already know his answers so you should seriously think about ending this one sided relationship. Because that is exactly what it is.
2007-05-13 18:56:52 · answer #5 · answered by Pete 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"He stated my concerns translate to me thinking he's inadequate." it quite is the respond. it quite is probable complicated sufficient for him which you have a activity and he does not. oftentimes the guy is the service and earns greater money than the ladies persons. maximum men don't experience reliable approximately it in any respect whilst the lady earns greater money than the guy. So it quite is an quite mushy concern for a guy. And as he stated it made him experience inadequate. I completely believe you, which you have a desirable to comprehend what he's going to do along with his destiny. yet, i think of you won't be able to truly win this one. he's desirable in asserting if 2 human beings love one yet another they are going to make it artwork. If he's actively searching for a activity, you could no longer be pointing out the priority back. yet whilst he's lazy and not making an attempt to seek for a activity or study, this could be a pink flag.
2016-10-15 22:17:30 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want children then leave ...you can't make someone want to be a parent & to trick someone into it by becoming pregant is totally wrong! If he feels this way he needs to be man enough to take care of it & get a vascestomy. I choose not to have chilldren myself & until I could have a hystromecty I made dang sure I wouldn't get pregnant. I love kids & love to have them around but not every one is cut out to be a parent...so don't waste your life on the hopes of he'll decide to become a parent!Sorry if I came on rather strong but facts are facts...good luck!!
2007-05-13 20:39:03 · answer #7 · answered by Karyn B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well thats the deal breaker, I think. How could you enter into marriage with another person if they aren't sure about having kids? I would tell him this, too. You wouldn't be doing either of you any favors by marrying if you wanted them and he didn't. There would possibly be resentment from him if you got pregnant, and from you if you didn't! Sorry, but he has to answer that.
2007-05-13 18:49:21 · answer #8 · answered by MomOfThreeBoys 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd say that that wouldn't be unreasonable of you at all. However, it sounds to me as if this man may be a bit indesicive. Does his inability to make decisions apply to just this one issue, or is he like this when it comes to other issues as well? Just something you may wanna consider before marry him, if you decide to do just that.
2007-05-13 18:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well the big question is if you want children in your life,and
he unsure,then that might be a sign that you need to move
on. talk to him and let him know how you really feel about
the situation.
2007-05-13 18:48:03 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋