Hi, last wk, it was my grandma's bday. My bf of 3 yrs (26 and I'm 25) was invited and he chose not to attend. He met my mom (once), not my close relatives. Yest, I was bridesmaid for my friend's wedding and was planned months in advance he would come. But at very last min., he told me couldn't come. His reasons are he is uncomfortable, and they are strangers to him, so what's the point of attending. The only function he attends is my bday (no-one else around). Strange part is that during our first yr, he attended almost all the functions I invited him to. He has social anxiety b/c for a potluck one time, he took social anxiety pills (no panic attacks though). Now, he backs out of everything. My friends/fam never said anything bad of him b/c it's impossible since he hardly met any of them. I attend all his fam/work events. He attends his friends' bdays. We have discussed about marriage. How can I get him to attend my friends/family functions?
2007-05-13 18:07:52 · 3 answers · asked by Mei Wah W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I believe you said that during your first year together, he attended events with you and now he won't. My first thought would be to say that maybe something happened at one of those events that has made him uncomfortable. I would just sit down and talk to him about it and try to get him to open up to you. I would suggest to him that if you two are really getting married than your family is not just strangers. Explain to him that it is important to you that he get to know the people that you love and cherish. Getting to know your family will also allow him to gain a deeper knowledge and understanding of you and what makes you tick. So if for no other reason, he should do it to get to know you better. Maybe you could start slow by suggesting a compromise, such as him agreeing to attend at least every other event instead of every event. You might also consider taking him by to see your family on non special occasions. This will allow him to begin to feel more comfortable around them in a smaller group setting. Hope this helped and keep me posted on how it goes!
2007-05-13 18:27:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anne W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure that he likes your family? Maybe there someone that attends that he doesn't like. There has to be a reasonable reason to be uncomfortable.
It is not good that in 3yrs he has only seen your Mom once and you guys are talking marriage. Something is wrong. You need to address this. Talk to him and find out what is really going on? You can't have a relationship with him and he not have a relationship with your family. Your family will not understand and eventually the talk about him will be bad.
2007-05-14 01:18:27 · answer #2 · answered by Li 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but unless he seeks help for this he isn't going to change no matter what the function.
You are part of your family, and since you have learned how to honor and celebrate your families anniversaries you need to have a B/F who does too!
I do feel your pain as my ex husband would hide in the bedroom or read a magazine infront of company- 16yrs I tried to change him..he just was too uncomfortable with other people. My family was really hurt by it because they felt it was somehow their fault and my mom used to really walk on eggshells to try and not say anything to upset him. Looking back I wish I could have recognized his lack of self esteem as just that-I am a very friendly, loving person and I want all my loved ones around Christmas etc.
Now my 27 yr old daughter is in a relationship with her live in B/F who refuses to come over to visit and calls her every hour if she comes alone. It makes me mad and sad because as a parent I would love to have a celebration with him, would welcome him but he refuses. I will have a hard time if he marries her....
You need to start doing what YOU want and if he won't follow..just keep doing what you need to do....and if he talks about marriage..gently say no.
2007-05-14 01:36:42 · answer #3 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋