My husband didn't get me anything for mothers day?

Question

I was joking around with my husband and said that not only should the baby get me a present, but the dogs too. Again, this was a joke. My husband turned around and said, "YOU EXPECT A GIFT!"

I was a bit hurt. I didn't even get a card today. Zip, zilch, nada, NOTHING! He said our baby was my gift. Am I in the wrong to feel a bit hurt about this?

Answer 1

Oh mama. I would be hurt, pissed and anything else in the category.

First thing is first: Let your husband know how you feel. Communication is the key to most happy marriages.

Second: Remember that Father's Day is right around the corner. If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be spiteful though. Give him a nice Father's Day to show him how one is suppose to be treated in appreciation of parenthood.

Third: Pamper yourself. Next year have him babysit while you got to the spa to get pampered, shop, etc. whatever it is that you really love to do.

Answer 2

I am a mother of two young men, and the wife of a very considerate husband of 37 years. The boys, of course have always given me a card, or a card and gift every mother's day. I never insist on these things and when money is tight, I don't expect any thing.

My husband has sometimes given me flowers and/or a card, and/or a gift. I have never asked him to do this.

He does it out of respect for being the mother of his children.

Two words of wisdom:

1) Whenever you EXPECT something, you will always be upset if it doesn't come about. If you stop expecting certain things, you will never be disappointed.

2) Men take things more personally than you think. Although you were joking, HE felt he had failed as a husband. His only defense was to lash out at you implying that YOU are wrong to expect a gift. To add to that, many men come to the conclusion that they were merely "sperm donors" because most of your attention and time is now centered around the baby.

Maybe you could print out this answer and the two of you could discuss every point I offered in detail. Nothing helps more to make a marriage last than good communication.

Answer 3

It really doesn't matter what my husband, or anyone else's husband, does for Mother's Day. Because we don't live in your marriage and you don't live in ours. All that matters is how you feel about what is going on in your life and how you feel about it. And what you are going to do about it. Sometimes we just have to accept that people are the way they are ... we either accept or we risk losing the relationship. Now, if your husband beats you or cheats on you or if addicted to gambling ... then maybe it's a good thing if you lose the relationship. This I know ... - We try to be "right" about how we feel, as if being "right" means that the other person has to do what we want. - Rather than dealing with our own emotions, we often think our partner is responsible for doing everything the way we want it, so that we never have to deal with our own emotions. These two attitudes are the biggest causes of divorce. Always, always ask yourself, "Is this the 'hill' I want my marriage to die on, defending this principle?" If it isn't, everyone in your family deserves for you to back off.

Answer 4

I can see why you would feel hurt but really if he told you happy mother's day and thanks for everything that you do. That's all i got and well what can I say atleast he said something even thougth he gave his mom a very expensive gift... I feel hurt but if I something then I am wrong and we start fighting so it is just easier to let it go... You really don't need a card for your husbend to tell you how you feel but I know that it would really be nice... But he was wrong to say that the baby is your gift although it is the best gift a mother could have it should not be used as a excuse or a reason to not give you or say anything to you... I know that it wasn't the best day but it's almost over and just hope that next year will be better.

Answer 5

HI....married lady here....15 years....
I didn't get anything from my husband either, or my 14 year old daughter...or the dogs for that matter!

Yes, my feelings are hurt too. Not only did they not even get me a card (which would have been enough), but I spent the day doing laundry, dishes and vacuuming. All that AFTER I went to my mother IN LAW's house and did yard work. (he did some...but I did most of it)

YOu are justified in how you feel. No one can tell you how you can feel. It's what you do with those feelings that make a difference.
I would tell you husband how you feel. It is possible that he totally forgot and feels bad about it but can't or won't admit it. Just tell him that you know it might seem silly to him but it would be nice if once a year, he acknowledged you in a special way on that day.
And what he said about the baby being your gift is VERY mean. I would tell him that. You might also point out that you already RECEIVED that gift once....he can't take it back and give it to you again! That's like regifting :)
Then, take yourself out and buy yourself a little treat. A new blouse or bag or nail polish or something that you've been wanting but didn't want to spend money on yourself for. When you bring it home show it to him and tell him " This is what the baby gave me for mother's day".
Next year, tell him exactly what you expect for mother's day. Make it easy on him if you have to. When my daughter was a baby, all I wanted for mother's day was a two hour nap, alone, uninterrupted in a quiet house. He took her out for a couple hours and left me to my nap. It was wonderful. Come up with something like that for him to do next year and you might get better results.
I'm not sure yet how I'm going to handle this year's lack of consideration. But, since I'm on the computer at 12:30 in the morning and he's in bed alone..., I guess I sent a pretty clear message.....:)

Happy MOther's Day! go treat yourself, you deserve it! (I'm going to buy a new pair of shoes tomorrow)

Answer 6

No, you are not. They even make Mother's Day cards for wives. He should have known to give you a gift and honor you as the mother of his child. Um, the baby is his gift, too.

I remember my mother got REALLY angry at my dad when I was young for saying the same thing to her "You expect a gift?" (they separated a few years later, for many other reasons, obviously).

I don't have any children of my own yet, and I'm really hurt today and hating Mother's Day since my mother got unreasonably angry with me after I tried very hard to give her a great Mother's Day... but I still think that you are totally right for being hurt. I'm so sorry! I think Mother's Day means a lot more to women than Father's Day does to men. Hope your husband understands that next year and makes up for it big time.

Answer 7

That is sad!!! He could have at least bought you a card. Let him know how much it hurt your feelings. Get him straight now for the long run in the future. When Fathers day comes for him acknowledge it and I hope he thinks about what a thoughtless husband he was on your Mothers day. Set up now what is expected for all future holidays to teach your child the importance of those special occasions. I am so sorry he did not appreciate you on this special day and I would like to say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you and for bringing your beautiful child into the world and giving his baby it's life. All mothers are special in that without them we all would not be here. I hope next year it is better for you sweetie.

Answer 8

No you aren't wrong. Mothers day is a day to show mothers how much you care about them. You're a new mom and the dad should take it upon himself to make sure the mom knows how much she is loved and appreciated. At least until the child can show that thenselves. I've never really gotten anything big for mothers day, but my son always brings home a project from school, and my husband always gets me a card that both the kids sign and then one from himself that is more adult oriented. It's not in the gift, it's the thought that counts, but if he reacted that way it doesn't even sound like he appreciates you. Don't get him anything for fathers day and see how he feels.

Answer 9

No, you are not totally wrong. Your husband should have at least got you a card from the baby. Forget the dogs.
That being said, you also need to take into consideration if your husband is the kind of person who forgets to cards for your birthday, anniversary, etc. If he is, then you really shouldn't feel hurt at all.
Also remember, you are NOT his mom, but his wife. But he should at least get you a card from your child.
If you child is not already born, then you are a mom-to-be and should wait until next year to be upset.

Hope this is helpful!

Answer 10

He should have at least told you mother's day in the morning with a big kiss and maybe breakfast in bed at least! I didn't get a gift for mother's day today but was VERY happy because we ALL spent the day together and turned out to be a GREAT day because I was made to feel like a queen because everything I wanted to do today we did - with NO WHINING!