Hi, last week, it was my grandma's 72nd bday. My bf of 3 yrs (26 and I am 25) was invited and he chose not to attend. He met my mom (briefly like once), but not my close relatives. Yest, I was bridesmaid for my friend's wedding and was planned months in advance he would come. But at very last min., he told me couldn't come. His reasons are he is uncomfortable, and they are all strangers to him, so what's the point of attending functions. The only function he attends is my bday (probably with no-one else around). The strange part is that during our first year, he attended almost all the functions I invited him to. He has social anxiety b/c before a potluck one time, he took social anxiety pills. Now, he backs out of everything. My friends/fam never said anything bad of him b/c it's impossible since he hardly met any of them. I attend all of his fam/work events. He only attends his friends' bdays. How can I gradually get him to attend my friends and family functions?
2007-05-13 16:17:39 · 3 answers · asked by Mei Wah W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Sounds like he's leading his life without you and keeping you at arms length. I wasted 8 years with a man like that and was miserable the whole time but always made excuses for him. I was like a kid again with my next relationship b/c I was always so surprised and excited that he wanted to do everything with me. You deserve to have a relationship where both people participate.
2007-05-13 16:22:55 · answer #1 · answered by Ang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Big red flag!
It's been 3 years and he's only be able to deal with meeting yoru parents once -never mind all the other events he's skipped??
How scared can he be after being with you 3 years? The first meeting is the tough one - and he's already lived through that one.
You are looking at what your future will be like...he will find a way to make you miserable enough so that one by one you will say goodbye to your friends, and one by one you'll drop your relatives - then maybe company events will become a problem.
A man with a spine would be able to go to a room with "strangers" (your family!!) and hit the bar for a drink and then mingle. I bet half the people at that wedding were strangers to each other when they first sat down at the table for the reception dinner - 2 minutes of conversation is all it takes to get the ball rolling.
Doesn't he ever meet strangers at his friends' things?
How about at work? Any strangers there?
Are the bad strangers that make him uncomfortable so what's the point only at your family events??
Lame excuse.
If he really has this social anxiety condition, then tell him to take a pill and deal with being uncomfortable for an hour.
You should rethink your relationship with him...I think he would prefer to have you cut your people off.
2007-05-13 23:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by Lynn Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it looks a bleak because of his "social anxiety" but he needs to be there for you. He;s a big boy he needs to swallow his "fear" anf get his butt out to support you and show his love! It should not be your responsibility to explain his boyfriend duties after 3 years. It's part of being a grown-up, being in postions that your not quite comfortable with and doing it with a smile.
I'm sure hes a sweetie but he need to consider your feelings. Good luck and I wish you both the best of luck!
2007-05-13 23:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by Erin = ) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋