Why cant i cry? my husband and i have had to be seperated for several months t a time recentley.?

Question

My husband joined the army almost a year ago, and when he left for basic training, i didnt cry. i was sad, and miserable that we had to be apart, but i couldnt cry even though i wanted to. he came home for christmas, and when we took him to the airport to fly back to where he was having his training ididnt cry then either! he feels like i should be crying, and he thinks that i dont care that he is leaving, because i dont cry. it is a really sore spot for him too, i know that it bothers him so much! i mean, when we fight i cry so easily, but i dont understand why i cant cry when he leaves. I miss him desperately, and i cry into my pillow a lot at night when hes away, its not like i dont miss him. and to make things worse, his mother and sisters always cry a lot when he leaves, and it makes me feel like a really bad person! how can i cry?

i want to cry, i feel sad in my heart, but i cant. and i think its like a choke-hold defense mechanism, because i cant remember ever crying in public...if thats the case, how do i get over that, because i think it is important to show honest emotions, and i think i need to work on that.

Answer 1

Have you ever cried in public before? Maybe you turn your emmotions down when you are in public.

Answer 2

Don't worry about not crying, my husband was in the Air Force for 27 years. I had faith that my husband was well trained and that he could take care of himself. Your husband should be proud he is married a strong woman just what he needs. Ask him how well he could concentrate on his job if he had to worry about you being home and miserable. I was a crafter with a full time job with 4 children and over the years had about 50 foster kids. I can cry at a commercial but never cried once when he left, cursed a few time, like I was 8 months pregnant and he volunteered to go away for 6 months.
We are still happily married for 30 years now and my husband retired this year I sure could use him going away for a couple of weeks so that I can let the house go and eat when and what I want. Much easier to diet when they are not there. Thank you for you and your husband serving, yes the whole family serves. God bless you both.

Answer 3

There may be two possible scenarios why you can't cry everytime he leaves. 1) Because you know you are secured of the thought that he loves you and that he will come back always to you. Hence, leaving cannot be equated with the feeling of loss. Or, 2) You have already perfected your defenses that whenever he leaves you know you are somehow risking loosing him (having an accident in his job, or the chance of him meeting someone else), hence you have unconsciously conditioned yourself to be strong and be ready for anything. Even for the worst case that might happen while he's away. Anyway, feelings are spontaneous! You are not obliged to cry everytime. Affection - sincere affection - can be expressed in a million of ways. Crying for him cannot be the only criteria for guaranteeing your love and concern.

Answer 4

Don't force it. And tell your husband not everyone cries at the drop of a hat over everything little thing or big thing.

Hey, I lost both of my parents within 6 months, and I did not cry when I found out, I did not cry for days until it became real to me and the grief finally came. I am a single parent and I am use to being stoic and strong for my boys, so it is really really hard for me to cry.

In fact, until my parents died, I had not cried in 11 years. That does not mean I didn't care about stuff that happened.

So don't let anyone tell you you should be crying. Only you know when it's coming. Tell him you love him and you cry over him when he is gone.

Answer 5

Oh dear. I am also a military spouse who has also had to kiss hubby goodbye for months at a time. I have also experienced what you are going thru and I am here to tell you you are normal. I think part of us put on a "shield" in preparation for what's to come (loneliness, hardship) and once they leave, then we break down the shield and that's when the weeping and stuff happen. I don't think it's fair of him to add additional guilt on you for no crying but if that pleases him, take a squirt bottle and drain it on your face (ok, hope that makes you smile). On a more serious tone, you take care of yourself during the deployment and I am sure the tears will come when the time is due.

Answer 6

I think the best thing you can do is keep a journal of the nights that you miss him and can't stop crying while he's gone. Let your tear drops hit the page and blu the ink, then show it to him to reassure him. I don't think anything is wrong with you, you're just very strong and can naturally hold back tears very easily. Don't get down on yourself over it, just talk to him about your feelings and let him know oyu love him very much but you're not a big crier. Good luck...

Answer 7

I dont have any explaination on ur not able to cry. But i have a suggestion to make up 4 that, to make him feel good. Put some notes in his folded shirt whenever he goes away on duty. Just say I miss u, OR I love u, OR anything that will tickle his emotion when he discovers it. U can also be naughty a bit by putting naughty notes in his folded underwear! It will make him smile and remember you. It works for me! Good luck.

Answer 8

I know it can be difficult, but did u know what kind of guy he was before u married him? Didn't he already have a kid with another girl?  Wasn't he cheating on his ex girlfriends constantly and u got warned what the outcome might be? How long did u know each other before u got married? 8 months or so? Sounds like u just made some stupid decisions. Maybe you should continue seeing your psychologist, obviously it hasn't helped at all. Didn't he get a tattoo of you sons name? The son from your other relationship? It's not even his biological son. He gets a tattoo of some kids name that's not even his own kid, and u kick him out? DEAL WITH IT, you should have listened to both sides of the story.

Answer 9

grief comes in all different ways
yours may not include tears

I have a friend that has the same problem
show the guy how you feal everytime he comes back
don't just tell him, show him

also if you can't cry over other things you may have a medical condition that can range from dehydration to minor dieseases

Answer 10

If you need to cry for him to see that you care, he has a problem.
Caring for someone doesnt meant everything has to show, you can care for someone deep down without showing a single emotion.
If you do need to cry just to please him, next time when he goes away, get some raw ginger, mesh it, and put on your sleeve, then rub them over your eyes.

Or else get a new husband who understands you better.

Answer 11

You do not have to cry because everyone else is and because he thinks you should. Everyone handles things differently then others do. Just be yourself and if he cannot handle you not crying then he has the problem.