The two of you are as different as night and day. You love your parent, but you don't get along and you have had a very contentious relationship with them for many years, and always end up in the same place: In a heated argument. You learn that your parent has held a grudge against you for something that happened 25 years ago. I say it takes two to tango, but she wants to put you on a guilt trip and blame the outcome on you. How would you deal with this? You've confronted her in the past and asked her if she held a grudge and she denied it, but the truth is she has held a grudge all these years. I feel like this person is no good for me emotionally or psychologically.
2007-05-13 15:36:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses!
2007-05-15 14:28:22 · update #1
Well let me tell you, I had the same exact problem with my mother, and because it always resulted in the same negative ending, I broke ties with her. She has since moved to another state and married some jackass. I regret it. Just remember they are your parents and will not be around forever. You never know what tommorrow will bring. Just keep the conversation light with them and if it starts going in a bad direction, seperate yourself. But like I said, just remember they are the only parents you will ever have.
2007-05-13 15:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by LifeIsPeachy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For many years I had a difficult time understanding why my mother acted the way she did towards me and I was always trying to find ways to somehow get her approval or be acknowledged as a good person. It was extremely painful when I was ignored or treated in an unloving way. It took me years, but one day I finally had an epiphany. The mother I had known as a child and the person I was trying to seek approval from were no longer the same person! I decided to let go of the mother that I was longing for and expecting to have and began to accept that the mother I had now was not that person. It was a very difficult time and I had to grieve for the mother I had lost, even though my mother was still alive. I put some distance between us physically and emotionally. I still told her that I loved her, and I never missed her birthday or any important celebration. But that act of letting go of someone my mother was not was very freeing. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Love yourself and let that person go. When you do, she will not be able to hurt you the way she does now.
2007-05-13 16:55:51 · answer #2 · answered by Rikki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is how I usually deal with a situation like this - when there are two negative forces at work, yourself and yr parent, the prob will not be dissolved as long both send bad thoughts abt the other. So what I do is to regularly send blessings (the best and sincerest form of good wishes) to the other party. When you send light to another person, you always win the battle, by way of diffusing the negativity, and by way of enlightening the other person. Forgiveness also helps (what it does is that the other party will feel compassion and kindness towards you)
good luck
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ps: btw i do fulfil yr requirement to answer this qtn:)
2007-05-13 15:46:03 · answer #3 · answered by Nora 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep a healthy distance and be polite and respectful but leave as soon as things get personal. It's not worth constant argument and is emotionally draining on you. It would be good to let them know the effect their grudge has on you and that you have a life too.
2007-05-13 15:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can live happily ever after without having ANY relationship with one or both of your parents. I made a decision not to have a relationship with my father (too many reasons to list) and it was tough at first. But I realized very soon that I had enough friends and family members to live a happy life without torturing myself trying to have a fairytale relationship that never existed in the past and will probably never exist. I'm not saying that I wouldn't rather have my father as a productive part of my family but it just doesn't work that way(for me)
2007-05-13 15:45:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to step back and think of the larger picture. We are not on this earth for ourselves. We are here to help others, and have some fun doing it. Try not to get hung-up on how you should expect to be treated. People will always let you down. Pull yourself back up and try to think of how you can help that other person a better person in the long run. Change the other person by being the best example you can be.
2007-05-13 15:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by GoodGuy53 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 42 and I've had a difficult relationship with my mother since I was a teenager. The only thing that seems to make things workable is just making myself scarce. I will speak with her perhaps once a year or so. I try to avoid contact if I can.
2007-05-13 15:41:11 · answer #7 · answered by the Boss 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG what number of married guys have whined to younger females approximately their unsatisfied marriage to get what they wish. IF he was once relatively that unsatisfied along with his marriage he might go away. If he adored his spouse he might now not be dishonest on her. It is that undeniable and realistic and in the event you preserve looking to make your self suppose that you're "doing essentially the most quantity of well for essentially the most quantity of humans," to affirm this courting, you're being delusional. He does get to be comfortable and convinced for the reason that he's creating a idiot out of you to get what he wishes. Do you relatively suppose for the reason that he's getting what he wishes that he's being extra confident in the direction of his spouse? I significantly doubt it. And if he isn't giving her any love or affection what makes you suppose she is comfortable? She is comfortable for the reason that??? He has no want to be along with her anymore? Oh, sure, I bet you do get unfastened stuff and feature well conversations with any individual you're drawn to however at what cost? Your integrity, his loyalty to his marriage, a loving father who might positioned his happiness forward of his youngster's? How are you able to be comfortable being moment first-class in any individual else's lifestyles? Happiness is being in love with any individual who loves handiest you and treats you as the affection in their lifestyles. Happiness isn't having an affair which will by no means pass at any place for the reason that he'll by no means difference nor will he ever love you. The reality will probably be advised someday and the way will that make you believe understanding you have been a key determine within the breakup of his marriage? You recognise you're going to be the only accused of it, now not him. He will inform his spouse a pitiful tale approximately the way you first grew to become peers with him after which seduced him and he could not aid himself. You suppose you believe dangerous now? What till the s...t hits the fan and watch how rapid he'll flip the tables on you.
2016-09-05 19:08:57 · answer #8 · answered by sashi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read a book called Toxic Parents, and see if the suggestions in it fit what you need.
2007-05-13 15:45:00 · answer #9 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough one its a parent, all i know is there was friction between my mom and me alot, and we lost her last year, i lost moments that cant be replaced, i say try to talk to her, and talk to the other parent you get along with do all you can do so you are not left with regrets when its too late....... i hope this helps
2007-05-13 15:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by arizonaprincess2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋