should i stay or should i go?

Question

im thinking of leaving my husband of 7years i love him but the romance is gone we have no sex life and every time i offer he has some kind of excuse i would go into detail but it would take to long i dont feel like he wants me in that way any more we are more like roomates than husband and wife i need more i want someone to look at me and pratically rip my cloths off and he isnt the one that is willing to be that person we have talked about it over and over again and nothing has changed im 35 and he is 39 should i put up with this i feel like im still young enough to find that someone that will want me.

Answer 1

What happened to for better or for worse? Times get tough and you can't buck up and do something about your marriage? Way to dishonor your vows and disrespect your husband by thinking of leaving him. Do something about this instead of leaving, or brushing this under the rug! Don't wait for him to do something since you are noticing the problem! Please don't get married or have kids if you plan on leaving when times get tough.

Answer 2

Lets face it.. we all want that heart racing, nervousness, passionate, riping each other's clothes off romance. It is amazing and it can almost seem intoxicating. But in a long term relationship, it is not going to always be that way. Time changes things, People tend to get more comfortable with each other, and granted, yes, take each other for granted. You can leave find that passionate romance your looking for and be incredible happy for a few months to only realize that it is just a passing fad in any relationship. If there are other problems in the marriage, and this lack of sex or passion is the result of them. Then I am unsure.. but is sex is the only problem and your desire for the passionate, tearing of each others clothes off is your main concern. I would think long and hard before leaving a 7 yr marriage. Because you will learn the hard way that passion is great but sometime that cloud 9 u can find yourself lost on with a new relationship and its passion will end up being nothing more than lust. And it too in time will fade.

Answer 3

Maybe you need to try a new approach. Perhaps there is something you are doing that is turning him off. When you were dating, I imagine it was pretty easy to seduce him. You are going to have to do the same things you did when you were dating: make some you and him time. That might also mean dressing provoctively, putting on a little perfume, making him dinner and making a move. A normal, healthy man is not going to say no to that.

You may find it helpful to read the following books by Dr Laura. (http://www.drlaura.com). The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/102-2940399-8338558?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=schlessinger

Perhaps they will offer you some insight to the problem that is at hand. I know both of those books helped me get a better understanding of what marriage is all about.

Also, you should probably sit down and explain to him exactly what you are feeling. Perhaps he's had a lot on his mind as well, too.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Dear One Nice Person,

Seven years is a long time to put into a relationship and then just walk away. You do not mention children. Are there any? If so, you owe it to them and yourself to seek counseling. I know this sounds old fashioned, but you did take vows of marriage with him. This meant that you were willing to remain in a monogamous relationship and work hard to keep it healthy and warm and wonderful for both of you. If he made the same vows, you need to get yourselves to a marriage counselor and see what can be done.

One thing is certain, you don't want to wake up in the middle of the night five years from now and wish you weren't alone because you didn't try hard enough on this relationship.

Good luck. Magic can be made again!!

Answer 5

You know I'm going through something very simalair. Except I'm 22 and my hubby is 31!! But heres the thing if you want something you go after it, make him want you. Do something different, like wake him in the middle of the night giving him head, or try a lap dance while he's watching tv. Spice it up. Honey I can't get my man to have sex w/me outside the home. So I blinded folded his butt one night, took him to a back road, and had my way w/him, now he see's how much fun sex can be outside the home. Anyhow good luck!!

Answer 6

Don't toss your marriage in the trash over one problem. Get help with it. Go to a marriage councilor and work it out. You both have to work at it. What are you doing and what is he doing to make it better. Read some self help books. Marriage don't end just because you hit hard times. Everyone just wants to bail out any time they have a problem. That is not what marriage is. You will just keep having problems with the next man. Fix the relationship you are in.

Answer 7

think of your marriage as with all areas of life in terms of seasons... right now, you're going through a drought. try focusing on what & how to improve yourself for you, right now. that would dampen the blows that you're probably feeling from being shutdown & out.

My grandmother remained married to my grandfather, inspite of the gossip that went around about him, many of which was true & she of-course had inklings & knew about. . .Yet, she remained fully devouted to he and their family (for that I am grateful). In her love & devotion to GOD 1st and in keeping vows she's made before GOD & man, she found peace, encouragement/strength, and was extremely blessed by it all. It's easy to look elsewhere when things aren't as terrific as you'd imagined. . . "Running away doesn't build character; however patience, determination, & perseverence on the otherhand do."
What kinda woman are you? a Fighter, of Virtue, one who's loyal & devoted... Or are you a woman of the microwave, BK, McD's dollar menu variety? Nothing good is going to come quick, nothing of value cost you less in life, & having it your way can only work when you live alone as a hermit in the hills.

Answer 8

I am assuming he when you married him you both spoke your vows... "for better or for worse til death do you part". You should take those to heart. Divorce should be the very last resort. The problem is he is not communicating with you and I highly recommend seeing a marriage counselor. You have invested seven years so why would you want to give up now?

Answer 9

hello, yes don't just jump and think he doesn't love you anymore, have you tried to talk to him? or maybe there was something that you may have done that he decides to cool down his romantic intimacy with his own wife? i am now 25yrs married and it is true that it happens sometimes that sex is not everything in marriage, it is time for you to think what will be good for our future not just sex, maybe that is what he is looking forward to you now, watch if you talk to him in some other ways or topic besides sex, just try maybe there will be a slow impulse for him to be romantic again.... and don't ever cheat on him that is bad! .... guilt will still come in the end, and you would not want to have that guilty conscience that your marriage was broken because you cheated on him.

Answer 10

I'm not much of a help because I'm dealing with the same things...not so much sexually, but feeling neglected and unloved (although we aren't as sexually involved as we once were). You seem to be at the same crossroads I'm at - in love, but not getting what you need. I know, for myself, that I'm terribly unhappy because of it but I do love him very much and can't imagine my life without him. Yet, I can't continue to remain unhappy for the rest of my life. I have talked to my husband as well, until I'm blue in the face, and there haven't been any changes either. Maybe you and I need to be one another's support - support to get out there, be happy, and find someone that appreciates us. Thinking of you...