My husband recently told me that since we are married, my job is to stay home and take care of the house and kids. Also, he thinks that he should make all the major decisions about our household and I'm supposed to obey and support him. I know he loves me, but how am I supposed to just be submissive to him?
2007-05-13 14:01:05 · 30 answers · asked by lyricsop 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As a submissive wife here, I can say that submission is not equal to doormat as many think. In the bible it does state that the wife is to be submissive to her husband AND the husband to love his wife as God loves His church. Maybe not in those exact words but they are pretty close and I am not getting up from my comfy spot to look them up. Sorry.
My ex was like your husband. Needless to say that is one of the reasons he is an ex! The husband I have now can support us and all our kids so I am happy to be home for good. I know my obligations and he knows his. We work together and the major decisions are made by us both. The minor ones are made on as is basis. I.e. rarely a decision that affects our family is made by only one of us.
Lots of communication is in order because we change with time and when one of us thinks one way, the other thinks another and if there is no communication, well you know what happens.
Start today before it all stays inside you and festers. That's when things get really bad! Good luck.
2007-05-13 14:22:35 · answer #1 · answered by califdreamer_2000 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Whoa....well there is being dominant which I think is o.k. and there is being a tyrant which I think is deplorable. This definately falls into the latter category.
While the wife is to be submissive toward her husband. The husband should always put her needs ahead of his own. He is called to love his wife. Cherish her. Comfort her...This joker doesn't seem to be doing anything about that.
You need to talk to him and you both need to look into the Scriptures in Epehsians 5 and look at the Biblical duties of husband and wife. There are guidelines. Tyranny has no place in a Christian household. There should be only love and deference to each other needs...You both should pray about it.
2007-05-13 15:10:31 · answer #2 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you should have discussed all this before you got married! But since it's too late for that, you have to decide if you can be happy being the submissive wife (some women like this role) and if you can't, then you have to stand your ground. You will resent him terribly if you let him control your life, which is not good for either of you. Counseling? Probably won't work unless he is willing to go, too. It may be that this marriage will not work out in the long run. Good luck with all this.
2007-05-13 14:06:02 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you and him are a team. You don't want to be his slave. He can tell you what he wants and doesn't want, but not to a point where he is dominant over you. You need to tell him that you guys need to talk this sort of stuff out. What would work better for you two. Not have one person make all of the decisions, that isn't fair.
2007-05-13 14:09:08 · answer #4 · answered by wolf_howl_21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, girl. He sounds like a control freak. I could not do that. It is your marriage sweetie. He is going to balk if you make waves in his paradise. You have to decide now what you are going to do. If you go along for awhile and then suddenly stop, he won't take you seriously.
I feel for you, I really do. Didn't you know this before you married him? If so, than why did you marry him?
Control freaks can sometimes be abusive. In fact, they often are. Be careful. If he raises a hand to you even once get out as soon as possible.
I wish you all the best.
2007-05-13 14:09:57 · answer #5 · answered by Gorgeoustxwoman2013 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not. This is a partnership. Before either of you make a big decision you talk to the other. You go to work if that is what you feel you need to do. If he does not want to work with you then you may need to find someone that you are going to get along with better. Head this off early and let him know just like when dating that this is a partnership.
2007-05-13 14:20:18 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't...You NEVER give up your independence for anyone, not even your husband!!! No where in the vows does it states that you become the possesion of your husband after you say I do, therefore you should not be treated as a possesion. I would say that you need to speak to him about his words and actions towards you and express to him how you feel about it, if he does not respond in a respectful manner or treat your feelings as though they matter, than you need to ask him to go to counsel or church to help this. He needs to respect you as an equal part of the marriage and not as a slave or doormat. If he is not willing to accept this this behavior is unacceptable then you need to walk away before the matter gets worse. I have dealt with this for a long time and always felt that if I submitted to his ways and as long as he was happy that would make me happy...But I was wrong...completely wrong!!!! I lived through years of being belittled and downgraded because I was "women"...but once I stood up and showed him that I was an equal and was not going to be treated any less, he straightened up....I believe that he realized that he could not push me around anymore (not literally speaking) and that if things didn't change then I was leaving for good. 10 Years later and that we are still together, happily and equally.
I believe that a dominarying spouse is the same thing as a school room bully. I tell my kids to never allow anyone push them around at school, because once the allow this to happen once, it will happen again and again and again, because it makes the bully feel powerful. But once you take that power away from the bully what do they have left... NOTHING!!!
Girl...do whats right for you, because in the end you will be the only one hurting if you don't. Never allow anyone to depleat your happiness!!!!
2007-05-13 14:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ricca 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sorry to hear that but you have not to let him dominate your own decision, you once decided to marry him then your happy and you made a decision yourself, now it is up to you to decide and weight why he would do such a thing to just made rules on his own without both of your agreement, if you think home is your life then so be it but if you have dream and wants to prove something for yourself that you are not just a housekeeper then decide to find a job or any hobby that would interest you, talk to him and set a rule for both you can be happy together for your kids....and if you want to save your marriage.
2007-05-13 14:14:17 · answer #8 · answered by gemini 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a team and he is not being a team player. It is a team and you are both on the same team. You work out everything together. Explain this to him and set up the boundaries right away. Don't let him run the show.
2007-05-13 14:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want your marriage to last, you should be submissive to your husband. Responsible men make good decisions for the family. A wife should not be fighting him; she should be backing him and be his partner. It should be you and him against the world, not you and him against each other.
If it is affordable, staying home and taking care of the house and kids is a good thing. You will have freedom from the corrupt corporate world. Take pride in your home and kids. Staying home helps the man focus on providing for you and the kids through his work.
If you want to rebel against him, sooner or later you will be rebeling against him in divorce court. My wife got a bunch of bad advice and rebelled against me. Now we are at the tail end of a divorce. Neither of us is happier.
2007-05-13 14:18:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋