I have been married for two years now. My husband is military so we get like 6 months out of the year without each other. Before his last deployment he seemed to act as if he had no intrest in me what so ever. He told me on his last deployment that he is going to change, and sure I believed it. He is not the type to sit down and discuss problems, he'd rather just let them go on and on till we finally just drop it and move on. Today is the first day he is acting like hes not interested anymore again. He got back in december, and it seemed like everything was going to be okay... now what? I keep thinking I just want to leace but i really just don't know if I could leave him... He was also my high school sweet heart, and we have only been together a total of 5 years.
2007-05-13 09:41:56 · 14 answers · asked by Les 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i'm sorry, i fell asleep after the first sentence.
2007-05-13 09:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 8⤋
Is he coming up on another deployment? Those kinds of stresses can really put a strain on someone and make them act different. Remember when he entered the military so did you. The job of a military spouse is in my opinion harder than that of the member. MY wife had to put up with all of the military BS and none of the benefits for 22 years. Try and talk to him if he will not talk let his 1st Sgt know there is a problem he may have some issues that require counseling and you just leaving at this time in his life could worsen that. On the other hand if he refuses you gave him an opportunity and that is all you can do. Stay strong. The military may fight the wars on the fronts but the spouses have to deal with it at home and sometimes that is much worse. Good luck.
2007-05-17 16:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by Jason J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back since december and this is the first day he's acting disinterrested? Thats not bad, I'd say. But how disinterrested? He may be unhappy also and just doesnt have the balls to end it. May be comfortable and not ready to divorce or afraid to.
Sid him down and discuss. He needs to talk and if you want him to and want him to change and he can't, you MUST move on.
Being a HS sweetheart doesnt matter - just makes it harder. Maybe one reason you guys are "comfortable" and both think u were meant to be together.
5 Years is a lot. You should be getting along now.
It must be tough to be away from each other for that amount of time, but I would think it would make u guys better friends lovers when you see each other. Is it? If not..... time to move on.
2007-05-13 16:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by magnet4trouble 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't leave the poor baby. Stay with him and communicate. Try not to put so many demands on him and try to take it slow. My husband is in the Army and just got back from his first deployment as well. We've gone through the same problems as you and probably will as long as he stays in. You're not alone. Hang in there.
2007-05-13 17:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him! I almost lost the love of my life because of the military and us not communicating. You need to tell him how you feel. I'm assuming you love him...and if you do, you need to tell him. You need to make him talk to you. It's very hard to be in this situation. Both of you start to doubt your feelings and whether the other loves you and wants to be with you. It's even harder for him because of the pressures of his job (you don't have people pointing guns at you and what not), so you need to be the strong one and tell him that you want him and tell him that you need him. Make him understand that you are there for him. Make him understand that no matter what he sees or does while deployed, he can come home to you. You will be there loving him and supporting him. It is very hard to heal the scars of being in a wartime situation. He may never be the same man he used to be. He may need to have counselling to deal with issues that he faced while overseas. You should try to find some other women in the same situation as you who can help you with their previous experiences. The big thing is that you need to determine if you are willing to make it work. If you are, then you need to make it clear to your man. He needs to know that he can depend on you. You can't just say it. You need to do it. Hold together the home and family, be loving and supportive to him. It's very hard to do. Did I mention that sometimes men feel guilty about putting the woman they love through all this mess? It can do a lot of negative things to the psyche. The main part is that the two of you must COMMUNICATE.
2007-05-13 16:55:53 · answer #5 · answered by princess_dnb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been back since December isn't it time for him to deploy again. If today is just the first day he is acting like he isn't interested maybe he just isn't in the mood or he is thinking about how he is going to have to leave you soon. Maybe you guys should look at theraphy to help you guys communicate about this.
2007-05-13 16:51:50 · answer #6 · answered by mtjs06 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Need a bit more information here. Did your husband go out of the country on his last deployment?
2007-05-13 16:45:42 · answer #7 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately there is probably another woman. There usually is. When a man loses interest like that he has his mind elsewhere. Military life is difficult on couples. And being apart for long periods of time, often one strays out of loneliness.
I may be wrong but, I doubt it. Just be prepared .
Good Luck!
2007-05-13 16:54:59 · answer #8 · answered by MARK S 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". At times like these, there's nothing wrong with him, he just wants some alone time. Tell him that you would like to talk to him whenever he wants to talk, and then wait patiently until he's ready.
2007-05-13 16:45:27 · answer #9 · answered by Nick C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You knew how he was before you married him. He might not change. Can you really put up with this the rest of your life?
If no then move on.
2007-05-13 16:47:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is ur husband so u have 2 be honest with him and with urself also. so u have 2 really communicate once for all . tell him what u r feeling . ask him what he is expecting from u and tell him what u r expecting from him . be honest and calm tell him that u have 2 resolve this problem . i wish u good luck cause really u need it specialy with a military they r very rude
2007-05-13 16:48:54 · answer #11 · answered by J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋