How do I have a happy marriage if I can not stand his family?

Question

Ok it's like this.We have been married for 2 years and things are great except when it comes to his family.I can't stand his mother she is back stabing and two faced.She has caused more than one argument between my husband and I.
She is forever looking down on me.THe ways that I clean my house,take care of our child,and my work nothing is ever good enough so I have basically cout her off on my end.
I have talked to her about the way I feel.She will stop critizing for a couple of weeks and than it starts all over again.
I would never make my husband choose,but is cutting off the only way to have a healthy happy life with my husband.What would you do?

I can't move far away because we already like 600 miles apart.THe first time and the only time that she has been to my house was the time that she critized it.Everything else is just over the phone.

She wasn't like this while we dated.We have been together for 5 years total.I not asking him to cut her off I just don't want to associate with her anymore.

I don't give him grief about it.We have a understanding that when she calls he answers or she leaves a message.I told hime to spare me details about her talks unless someone was dying I didn't want to her about it anymore.

I'm not asking HIM TO CUT HER OFF.I AM WANTING TO BE X OUT OF HER LIFE NOT HIM

Answer 1

I don't know. My MIL is pretty cool. She has mellowed over the years. Even if she wasn't kind to me, I would never cut him off from his family. That would have to be his choice.

Answer 2

This is a tough one, but not uncommon. Many mothers have a difficult time letting go of their sons. Remember that for so long, she was his favorite girl and now you have taken her place. It's just good old fashioned jealousy. It sounds like you have done the right thing by telling her how you feel. Have you talked to your husband about it? I don't think that asking your husband to completely cut off his mother is realistic. However, if she is truly causing marital problems between you and your husband there are some boundaries that need to be set. You and your husband should discuss what these boundaries should be and then your husband should be the one to lay them out for his mother. If your husband is not willing to do this, you have a serious problem that will probably not get corrected without him and his mother seeking serious professional counseling. If they are unwilling to do that, my only advice to you is to accept it the way it is or move on. Good luck with your dilemma, it really is a complicated situation.

Answer 3

Move to a different state! Worked out pretty well when I was in the Army. LOL! Have ya talked to your husband about this? Also has he stood up for you and said, "Mom! That's enough! My wife is doing fine!" Here's another thing. While in your home, (meaning your husband and yours), if the mom-in-law says something about the way you clean your house, tell her this: "There's the door, don't let it hit your back side on the way out!" Worked for me! I told that to my mother-in-law after I recieved a scolding from her for doing a 'corrective interview' with our oldest child in our house. She didn't let it hit her in the back side on her way out either. It was a big family gathering also. The rest of the family knew she was in the wrong, but was worried I was upset. I wasn't in the least cause she did what I told her to. You know after that she never ever gave me any grief about anything else? We actually got along pretty dang good.

Bear

Answer 4

Love,in laws will always be an in laws, do not let her run your life the way she's trying to do. You said that she lives far from you,and that's good. If she only calls your house,then how about have telephone that has an I D caller on it, so that way you can see who's calling. Also tell your husband once and for all how you feel towards his mom, the put down that she keeps on telling you. You also tell him how much you love him and tell him what you want to do by not answering the phone when his mom calls.
Just be honest with your husband tell him the stress that his mom is giving you and you don't want that comes between the two of you. After this call his mom for the last time and do tell her that with all do respect, stop calling you and if she keeps on, you will not answer the phone anymore. Stick to your gun and you ll see that this woman will one day stop because after all, she can't run your life not because his son is married to you...............by the by,this is what I did to my in laws and now my husband is not allowed to contact them anymore if he wants life with me and my 3 kids....

Answer 5

As much as a mother has a hard time letting go of a son, your husband is making some bad choices. If your mother-in-law wants to criticize you then she can and there is nothing you can do about it, but your husband does. He should be telling his mother to cut it out. If she doesn't like what is happening then she just has to deal with it, she does not deserve to have this much input into your relationship. Your husband needs to stand up to her and start thinking of his wife's feelings not his mother's

Answer 6

I think it's wrong to ask your husband to cut his mother off. I believe you would not be happy if your own son's wife asked your son to cut you off. This does not make her actions right, but as long as you both love each other unconditionally, and your husband understands that he is married to you and not his mother, all these would be history someday. She is probably one of those people with very controlling personality. If your husband sticks by you, his mother would eventually get tired and leave you guys alone. You may has to learn to differentiate between a genuine complain from your husband and one from his mother, unless he enjoys using his mother as an excuse. God Luck.

Answer 7

You might be having a hard time because you think you can fix it (and you probably think your husband should be fixing it too) You can only fix yourself. Consider that how you relate to his family will not change, now what are your options? Create an environment where you can deal with it or not have to deal with it. I'm not saying that things cannot be changed but if your hitting your head against a brick wall STOP!

Answer 8

i was in your EXACT same shoes and am now divorced. :
1) dont give a **** what shes says
2) dont let it bring you donw or feel bad about yourself
3) she may be the man you lov'es mother but that doesnt mean shes a good person or u should respect her opionion.
IN my opionion, she is just a dumb *****. id avoid talking about her at all to your husband if she calls just hand him the phone and go in the other room. dont kiss her *** or anything she doesnt deserve it. by the way she is acting, her and her son have boundary issues and she will undoubtely try to break u guys up for your whole lives. if he constantly sides with her i woudl dump him if it were me ( but because ive been thru this before) good luck

Answer 9

You can't ask him to cut off his family, you wouldn't like it if he did that to you. Any argument between you and your husband is your fault. You can't expect him to fix your problems, even when they are with his family (and for your info, it's your family too). Stop listening to the old woman, stop having anything to do with her, and cut down on any family interaction. Move away, go on vacation on holidays, etc.

No offense, but this is really a "you" problem, so stop making it your husbands. You let her get to you, you let her hurt you, you let her in your life. You can stop the first two, and cut down on the last one. You can fix this.

Edit: wow for someone who is 600 miles apart, you allow her way too much credit for your problem. I wouldn't have any problem with someone that far away. You should be ashamed of yourself for causing your husband any grief for something so easily fix by you.

Answer 10

What does God say? 'the man will leave his parents and cleave unto his wife. ' the wife and his marriage always come first, [[blood being thicker than water is NOT BIBICAL] its a stupid wordly saying and for losers who can't stay commited to their vows. or people who just live togther & having kids out of wedlock--if you have to move; then move.