What should i do about cheating partner?

Question

Last night i went downstairs to get a glass of water, i heard my partner's phone vibrating i thought this was odd i because it was late i checked the phone and he 9 missed calls from someone called "stacey". Alarm bells went off because a couple of weeks ago he called me Stacey by accident, i though it was strange at the time he just said it was a new girl he had employed at work so i forgot about. I checked his messages and there were all the risque mesages from her and he had sent similar ones back, but there were also other womens names who had been sending messages too. I was so shocked shocked and hurt i was physically sick. I cannot believe he has done this we have been together 7 years I am 28 now he is 39, and we have 3 beautiful children and are best of friends and i have never even se him even glance at another women. I haven't been able to face him today, i dont know what to do or say any advice from people who have been in a similar situation i would be very grateful thanks

Answer 1

do you want him to keep doing this?
he will
get rid of him!

Answer 2

First of all,I do am sorry for you. I am one of those who have been cheated on, what I did was I confront him, I never wait til the time is right. At least you were only been together for 7 years mine is 22 years and yes we have 3 children too. The day I found out I asked him at first or for a while he lied so many times,but I didn't stop till he told me the truth. My weapon towards him is or was I never been afraid of him nor scared that he might hit me.
So when I discovered his affairs to this married woman, I took his cell phone,disconnect it, I removed his computer and put it upstairs so I can watch what his doing, I confront the woman and let her apologize to my 3 teenagers,and most is he said he wants another chance,and even though that I don't trust and respect him anymore, I told him my do's and don't if he wants life with me and my kids. So now he is trying to get my trust, respect,and love back and at the same time he cant go anywhere without calling me, he have time to come home from work and no more excuses.
This are what you can do, try and see when you confront him and if he lies again, do tell what might happened to him and his life,.....good luck love!!

Answer 3

Ask him about it in the most non-threatening way possible. If he denies any involvement, he's lying. If he comes clean and wants to make amends, he has to call each "friend" via 3 way or on speakerphone and let them know "it's over" flirting, or whatever's going on. You both should have STD testing done and probably find a good counselor, as this will not go away overnight, no matter what he does. You will have trust issues for a long time. If you want him, you must tread lightly here (it's not your fault), but sometimes the affaired partner will bolt at first sign that they will never be forgiven. This will take a lot of strenghth and patience on all sides. You both can overcome this if you want it bad enough, but it will take more than the patience of Job.

Answer 4

You know what they say! Once a cheater always a cheater! It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too! You are the only one who can decide when you have had enough. Since you have 3 children you probably think it would be tough to go it alone but he will have to help you. Don't be afraid to move on. I was married for 20 years and my ex-hub cheated on me after 10 of those years and we had sooo many problems the next ten with trust and to make matters worse drugs (him) I am recently divorced and alot happier but feel I could have saved myself 10 years of a bad relationship. My children are teenagers and I have worked very hard to get to the job position I am at but have decided that I need to spend more time at home so I demoted myself. I feel like I need to find who I am because I let that relationship consume me. BIG mistake so that's my advise to you no one can decide but you and if he is your best friend then why would he want to hurt you in any way. Don't waste your life away and be a positive role model to your children cuz you wouldn't want to see your children thinking that this is how life is supposed to be. It was very hard to divorce my hub but it was necessary. So do what is right for you, you are still young and have a life time ahead. Good Luck

Answer 5

ok there is a lot of good advice here. just put it all together.

(1) call stecey and tell here the fun is over, you have found out about them and she mut stop of you will kick her a&*^.

(2) decide if YOU want to keep the marriage together. from what you wrote I think you do.

(3) ask him what he wants to do. Let him know that he can choose between him you and stacey or any of the other mistakes, but tht you are ready to forgive him if he is ready to grow up.

(4) go to counselling if he is reclacitrant.

I think you two are gonna make it. You sound like a dedicated wife and a person who has it together.

Good luck !

Answer 6

It's a wake up call, like my Husband he is not who you thought he was,sorry but you need to leave him.
It's all very scary to begin with but everything becomes clearer in the end.
I now, see my soon to be X for what he is and yes it makes me sad that it took so long.
I hope you can get through this as it's tough, i know.
You are only 28, you will find someone that deserves you and the kids,so don't give up hope
It's been 5 mths now and I'm still in shock,but that's life and I have my kids to keep me occupied.
I didn't want to split up my family but he gave me no choice we are now happier without him and he's now more of a father too the kids than he ever was.
So if you think you can live a lie keep quiet and put up with it
I couldn't but it's your life and your choice.
good luck with whatever you choose.
xoxo

Answer 7

I'd say I have to agree with Cathy, I was cheated on over and over for 2yrs crazy thing was it was the same girl the whole time. I told him stop and we move on but if it happened again I;m gone. Honey, leopards don't change thier spots they get a marker and connect the dots that's all. Once a snake always a snake. Let him go to the greener grass and watch how fast he comes back. I finally figured it was on again and it took me time but I was Shirlock Holmes, I checked everything if he came home late I laid awake til I knew he was out and went through his car and found pics and all kinds of crap, took them and said nothing. Like a little rat I collected and one day he gave me a bs excuse for me not going someplace with him and a friend he knew I liked doing. Well it was a hot sunny day, not busy at work so I went home early checked things out and figured where he was. i put on my best bikini went to our place at the beach and low and behold who did I find in the same parking area getting into the car?? Yeap u got it him and his thing. I pulled up so fast got out yanked open her door and u could have stood time still with the looks on thier faces. From that day on he told me he would not say he was sorry in his eyes he was doing nothing wrong just at the beach with a friend!!! In what land does a married man go to the beach with a girl and say it's just a friend yet feel he had to lie to his wife??? Do your thinking, u know him best . do ur hunting and cacth him That will affect him worse than asking. THEN be smart either figure it out or LAWYER UP FIRST!! Get the best make him pay ur lawyer and get out b4 u waste any more time. Need to chat I'm at [e-mail]

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you, I've been there and it really does hurt. It doesn't mean it's over, a year on we are closer than ever. We had counselling through my church, it's non judgmental unlike some other counselling, but the main thing was that we talked it through and agreed that we wanted to keep together. Not easy, many times I wanted to end it, but I'm glad now we didn't.
You do need to confront him and find out if he is willing to do this. In the end, our problem turned out to be nothing but communication differences. Women have different ways of communicating than men and different needs. There are plenty of great people out there who can help. Start searching the internet, but do get help. Do not be tempted to 'get revenge' it won't help and you have kids to consider.
I really hope you work this out, I will pray for you.
www.marriagebuilders.com is a good place to start.

Answer 9

You should leave him. My boyfriend cheated on me and he found out from the girl that she has a STD, when he told me the news I was shock. We known each other for 11 years, before the news we talked about getting married, having another child, moving on with our lives he even said that he was not about the game playing anymore and he was actually living his life. After the news was told to me I cried for five days straight and still going. I know that I deserve much better than him. So we are not together. I felt better the moment I called it quits. Yes it hurts but you gotta do what's better for you and your children.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

first of all give yourself a little time to deal with this in your mind.try to think through some of the things you need answers for.then be direct and just ask.until you do this you will continue to avoid and in a state of shock.im going through a soon to be a divorce and i can tell you from exp just ask.i feel for you.i want to help.try to get to the problem .be prepared to be lied to.i know this hurts.it happens.just be direct.one day at a time.try not to let the kids here any more then absultly necasary.im here for you.frank