When my son was 3 mo old, my husband got a vasectomy even though I want another child. He thought I would get over it, but it's 6 mo later and I'm no where close. He says he can't be happy with two children - I don't think I can be happy with only one - but now I'm trapped. What do I do?
2007-05-13 05:28:57 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to decide what you want to do. Divorce or get over it. Those are your options. You can't be happy with just one child? So for the rest of your life you will look at your son and think "I'm only 50% happy"? That doesn't sound right to me, there is something wrong with that sort of thinking.
My personal belief is he did the responsible thing to get a vasectomy. He didn't want any more children so he took himself out of the gene pool. This prevents the ever popular and disgusting tactic of "accidentally" on purpose pregnancy.
2007-05-13 06:03:07 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you and your husband discuss the vasectomy before he had it done? Did you agree at the time? Did YOU think, at the time, that you would "get over it"?
If so... then you have to take some of the responsibility for that decision. You and your husband could have had some of his sperm frozen and preserved, for some future time when you might decide to have further children after all.
But if the vasectomy was something that you objected to, and he had it done anyway...
...then this sounds like a really nasty head game on his part.
What this sounds like is that he didn't really want the FIRST child. That he doesn't really want to be a father at all. And having the vasectomy done against your wishes is his way of "punishing" you, denying you the possibility of having further children together, for having gotten pregnant the first time.
This may (perhaps not even deliberately, but subconsciously) be his way of sabotaging your marriage. He may eventually use your unhappiness as an excuse for leaving.
I think you should both get professional marriage counseling. If he doesn't agree to that... the future doesn't look good to me.
I wish I had something more hopeful to say for you.
2007-05-13 12:54:49 · answer #2 · answered by Bruce A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not fair is it? Where is the compromise, I would ask him. He got what he wanted & you will just have to lump it? I don't think so. If it was this important to me, I would leave him. Its not fair that he makes a decision like this that not only affects both of you but also your other child. I don't believe it is good to have an only child. I might reason with him and it sounds like he won't even discuss it with you. That's grounds for divorce to me. You can't make a decision like that & just sit back & be happy you got your way and ignore how miserable your partner is. That is not love. Well, its self-love but not the kind of love that you will need to keep the marriage together for 30 yrs.
2007-05-13 12:35:54 · answer #3 · answered by Dizz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you say that you are trapped? Your marriage has already come to a cross road and you are at an empass. I wouldn't let any man (not even my husband) control me that way. You might need to consider getting a divorce and next time make sure your chosen husband and you have thouroughly discussed how many children you intend to have and if you can't agree then don't get married.
2007-05-13 12:34:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he had a vasectomy, you don't have a choice, you can't have any more children with your husband. If you are so determined to have another child, it would have to be with another man, and that would mean you would have to divorce your husband and remarry.
2007-05-17 11:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband and respects his wishes you would let it go and be happy with one child. If you can't, and can't be happy, then divorce him. Marry someone else who wants many children and live happily ever after. Don't feel trapped. You have a choice.
2007-05-14 04:15:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his life too. You can't push him into having another child if he doesn't want it. A child is for life, and if he thinks it will make HIS life less enjoyable, he won't have another kid.
Your trapped unless you get a divorce, basically.
2007-05-13 12:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by Fahey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
since he had the vasectomy, yeah, you're trapped unless he will have it reversed... if you HAVD another child, he would likely leave you... he doesnt want any more kids... decide what You want
2007-05-13 12:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want children then you need to think about how important it is for you. If it is that important then you need to leave him.
2007-05-13 17:12:56 · answer #9 · answered by collectivetheresa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋