What should I do now that my wife confessed to being unfaithful.?

Question

She admitted to seeing someone over a several month period, going out on several dates, kissing quite often, and having mutual oral sex once. When I found out, I asked her to move out. We have 2 girls aged 3 and 1. She's the only person I've ever been with sexually and I don't want to be with anyone else. She told me the other day that she has been missing me and wants to get back together, but later admitted that he broke up with her two to three weeks ago. Her mother has been married 4 times and doesnt have long gaps between marriages. Im not sure if my wife misses "me" or being in a relationship. What really hurts is that for the last several months I've felt emotionally starved for her affection and to think of her giving it to someone else while we were married hurts me deeper than I ever really knew it could before this happened. She says she's sorry, but she doesnt really go out of her way to show it. I'm hurting a lot, and the thought of them together really bothers me

Answer 1

i think the most impt thing now is to ask yourself if u can accept her once again. and more imptly, if u can trust her. cuz, she broke the absolute trust u have in her.

Answer 2

First, do not blame yourself. You did not tell her or force her to be a ho. If she felt neglected or ignored or anything else, talking to you is what she should've done. Cheating was not, and never is, the solution to any relationship problem. She clearly wasn't upfront or honest. Sure, she told you about the affair, but it was 7 months too damn late! She doesn't get points for that. Get a good lawyer. Get the house, the kids, the dog. It sounds like she only "misses" you cuz the new d*ick left her and now she wants to come home to someone. She likes the security. Leave her please! I know you're hurting in some very bad ways, and you miss her and love her. But, could you lay in bed with late at night and cuddle with her? Have sex with her? Look her in the eye and say "I forgive you"? She can't be trusted. Don't bother with marriage counseling. She's the one who needs a shrink. She destroyed your family. Don't stay together for the kids. So many people do that and it's not right. I hope that you do get over this and repair the damage she's done to you and the kids.

Answer 3

I think that you should try getting over this woman and trust me mostly what you feel is because you have been with only one woman your whole life. You need to get some more experience out there and find someone who would really love you and build a life together. They always said this which has come to be a fact in my life experience is that the first time is always the hardest. So once is a mistake on't take her back to make it a habbit and besides your girls needs a stable environment as well as a very good role model which she isn't.

Answer 4

You have to remember that what someone can do once, they can do again. To say i`m sorry is easy - but is she really sorry, or is she looking for an easy way out of a difficult predicament now ? I hate to say it, but someone who has an affair is very likely to do it again. I know you want to believe her, but think about this rationally. If a friend of yours was telling you this story - what would you advise him to do ? From what you say about her mother, she hasn`t been raised with very good morals. It always hurts when you find out they`ve been playing around - always. Thing is - if you take her back, what you are saying to her is, " I forgive you for this. I believe you are sorry and won`t do it again. I promise i will trust you and i will not drag this up and throw it in your face every time we have a row. It`s history now. Let`s forget about it and start again."
If you can`t say all of that with honesty - there is no point in getting back together.
Why do we take cheating spouses back ?
It`s coz it`s the easiest option. Starting all over again on our own is just too much hard work - physically and emotionally.
Think about it...................

Answer 5

She seems to contact you only when she's lonely and alone. Even though it's going to be hard to do and even harder because you have kids, it might be wise to let her go. Find someone else when your ready and it might make you feel better. But if she has disrepected you that much then the damage is done and it will never be the same and you will always wonder what she's doing and you won't be able to keep those thoughts out of your head unless you can truly let go.P.S. Maybe she's following in her mother's foot steps. If that's the case it's better you get divorced now, so you can become happy again and you won't have to deal with it again.

Answer 6

Hummm, This is a tough one. My first answer would be to leave her cause she only called u back when he broke it off with her. That to me is a big red flag. But you have to do whatever you feel you can handle, if you want to try again then you have to forgive her totally and can't bring it up. If you feel like you can't do that, then I would say get some cousling or keep your ground and don't let her back in till she understand what she need's. But also you have to think of the kids , do you want them seeing your wife leaving to be with other men. Will that be what they think parents are suppose to do, just leave when someone in there eyes better come along. I guess what I'm trying to say is go talk to someone before you let her back. I think it will help in the long run.
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

Wait a minute, didn't you just say that she admitted that
her boyfriend just broke up with her 2 to 3 weeks ago.

Now she misses you and want to get back together.

You really need to think about this. If the other guy didn't
break up with her, don't you think she be with him right now.

Don't be a Fool!

I know you miss her but she only wants you back because
she got Dumped.

There is a lot of females out there who will treat you and
your children right. Pick yourself up and find someone else who will!

Good Luck To You!

Answer 8

Now this.. this is serious... I'm sorry you have to go through this. my dear, life is full of liars, and of people who try not to lie, but still do. Obviously, she didn't grow up with a good role-model that resembles commitment. So she's not to be blamed a lot. She got raised up with a mother who has a similar life she has at the moment. I can imagine how hurt you are... I suggest you try talking to her, and helping her with her commitment problems. You seem to be very loyal not being sexually involved with anyone but her. Nothing is too impossible... All she needs is help and patience, and a forgiving heart. Forgive her, and start again. If she messes up again, forgive her again. It takes time, and a lot of tears to work this out, but if your heart chose this woman in the first place, then it's worth the shot.. Don't you think so? At least, do it for the sake of your children, my dear...

Answer 9

Hey, after being married 13 years, and now divorced after similar circumstances, I understand. But if you want it to work it out, weather or not it is love or just the lack of a relationship. Seek a counselor for professional advice.

I am sure it feels good to get it off your chest. But remember what ever path you choose, you will still have to have a positive relationship with her for you children.

Answer 10

If her mother thinks it is OK to divorce and remarry 4 times then so does your wife. You are good ole standby #2 because #1 didn't work out.

My guess she will find a replacement in a few months. If you take her back be prepared because it would appear inevitable.

Answer 11

Brian I'm sorryto hear this but you really are the typical guy who get's used and abused by females. You have this PC, feministic view of women because that's what someone has taught you. All of these women here on Y/A talking about how they would never cheat just have never been tested yet. Most of them will cheat if the right situation comes around. All of you guys who want to save it all for one woman, you're suckers. The truth is your woman expects you to cheat as long as she never has to know about it and you are man enough to keep it out of her house. When you act like a wimpy wussy to your wife, these women actually lose respect for you and subconciously look for men who are real men, good and bad included.