My on/off girlfriend of several yrs is in the midst of making the worst choices & mistake of her life. I'm desperate to figure out how to prevent her from ruining it. She's seeing this new woman with whom she's infatuated. Well, they both are. After only a few days of being together, which was followed a few months infrequent, casual e-mails, they have decided to be in a committed relationship & say they love one another. Well, here's the deal: This is not about jealousy or me trying to win her back, trust me. We've both seen other people freely off and on, remained friends throughout, talking about our other relationships. I've been in a few that were ill conceived, she knew it, and let me know, but I had to find out for myself. Usually took just a few weeks. But now, she is investing more than she can afford to lose already, and it is clearly not love, because she's slept with me at the same time (I wasn't aware) as this woman. It's unlike her to do this, be deceitful, back & forth.
2007-05-13 03:39:47 · 5 answers · asked by joe friday's grrl 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
She admits to me when she's here that she's confused and loves me, and breaks all the promises she tells me she's made to the other to steer clear of me, but then she leaves town to be with the other woman and does the same thing. And all this even after she's been busted when the other woman and I found the other woman's number and busted her there. At first, the other woman balked, but took her back, sorta. This is definitely infatuation, or neither of them would find it so urgent to be together, lying already, breaking promises, etc. The other woman wouldn't feel the need to put her on lockdown and cut her off from everyone else. What should I do? I want to shake her, and make her stop being so stupid! By the way, this situation comes on the heels of her going through a series of women she barely knew, but jumped into bed with, only to find out they were totally not what she wanted or needed. Yes, I still love her, and we've had very in depth talks
2007-05-13 03:40:39 · update #1
followed by her apparently doing the same with the other. She's my neighbor, but the other woman's 50 miles away. The fallout's already started. Her car got repossessed the other night because she's been fooling around too much to manage her personal affairs. No pun intended.
2007-05-13 03:41:21 · update #2
I think you will have to let this infatuation run its course. It sounds like she has some big lessons to learn, and she can't learn them if you are running interference for her. As much as you can, build her self-esteem, encourage her good choices, and keep silent about her bad ones. She'll catch on, and end up sadder but wiser.
2007-05-13 03:46:23 · answer #1 · answered by Mother Amethyst 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My best advice is to let her go and let her make mistakes. Don't be a shoulder to cry on or a fall-back relationship. Instead, move on, and just keep her out of your life for a while so you and she can both get some perspective.
If you stay involved, you'll end up confused and possibly hurt, and so will she.
2007-05-13 04:18:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Offer to take her to therapy together or to pay for her first 3 sessions if she'll go. But be certain to have her let you know what she's going to work toward in therapy. That way she's made a commitment aloud to you and to herself.
There are probably some LGBT-friendly therapists in your area. (Most places have some; look for a directory in the nearest big city's gay resource directory.) And you can ignore the person's answer just above me. She's been spending too much time listening to Laura Schlesinger.
2007-05-13 03:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The "greatest mistake of your life" is that you are unaware of what your body is and how it is supposed to function. You are not
competent to choose a mate, because you are unable to make a decision properly.
You are controlled by a tickle in your panties and your entire life revolves around that little tickle. You have no self-control, no self-disipline, no self-respect.
You desperately need help, and I suggest you go to a psychiatric center and do something that will save the rest of your life from this lie you are living that says its okay to spread your legs anytime that little tickle comes about. Pull your drawers up and get some damn help.
2007-05-13 03:47:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Talk to your friend and ask her about how you feel an let your feelings out
2007-05-13 04:47:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋