My son is being deployed to Iraq. It hurts sooo bad. He is just a kid. I can't deal with it, what should I do?

Question

My son is a Marine. He is the kindest, most compassionate person I have ever known. He is being deployed to Iraq in a few weeks. My son is only 20 years old. He just graduated high school in 2004. He is a kid still, he is not a soldier, he is not a killer. He plays games on the computer and still leaves his clothes on the floor. He has only been to another state on vacation, never to another country. He never even liked the air-soft gun he got for x-mas a few years ago. My eyes are now filled with tears, my heart hurting badly, my mind filled with only scary thoughts. I want to go with him and protect him. I am his mom, his life JUST getting started. He has the world at his feet. Why are we in Iraq? My son would do anything for our country, but this deployment is not for our country. I am not sure what it is REALLY for??? I do know that his life is worth more than this. He is brave for me and our family, but he must be terrified on the inside. I need help to handle this.

Answer 1

I was drafted during the Viet Nam War in 1969. I was only 18 years old. My mom never worried about me because her brother was in WWII and was O.K. Iraq is dangerous but not as dangerous as Viet Nam or WWII. The media is scaring you with its daily reports. There were 400 American soldiers killed a week in Nam. There aren't that many killed over there. Your son has a very, very good chance of being alright. Pray for him. It will comfort you. He won't be able to concentrate if he knows how sad and concern you are. Have faith in him. He will be O.K., honest. God Bless you.

Answer 2

Believe or not he is more prepared than you think. Since he is a Marine he has survived an extremely tough boot camp and the drill instructors have taught him how to survive. I hate to say this though, he is a soldier now. For him to have joined the Marines he believes in something that we are doing over there, even if you do not believe or understand. I blame the media partly for the understanding because they have done nothing but show the negative side of things over there, but if you get a chance to talk to some of the soldiers that have been there you will find that we have made a real positive contribution to the people of Iraq. All mothers are scared for their children when they go off into the military. My mother was the same way when I joined the Navy. The best thing you can do for him right now is be supportive of him and for him, no matter how scared you are. Because if you tell him how scared you are for him, then that is just another thing in his mind that will distract him in the field. That is one thing he will not need while he is there. I'm sure he is a smart kid and if he follows his Gunny's instructions there will be a good chance of him coming home safe and sound. Just pray alot for his safe return. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 3

I don't have advice for you, really. I just read this and I am crying. I have a son (he's almost two, though-he has a way to go before he decides on the military) and I can't tell you how much you've captured every fear I've ever had about having a son-and the possibility of him going to war. I will pray for you and your son that he comes home safe. I hope the advice the others have given you makes you feel comforted (especially the people who wrote you who are in the military). But know that you are not wrong for feeling like you do. You sound like a wonderful, caring mother with a great head on your shoulders and a you have a lot of the same questions about Iraq as I do. As a lot of us have...Hopefully we will be out of there soon and everyone's children can come home to their families. I'm still crying...hearing you say these things makes it hit home so much-the true reality of war and what actually happens. If only George Bush could feel this way about his daughters going to Iraq...I bet this war would have turned out differently. You should be president! I'm not all too religious but I'll pray for you and your son. I hope (I KNOW) he'll come home safely. I just had a "feeling" about it. Good luck while he's away; I know it will be hard, but send lots of care packages from home.

Answer 4

Sorry for being blunt, but... if your son graduated high school in 2004, then he knew full well what he was signing up for when he joined the Marines. He's no longer a kid... he's a Marine.

Sure, it's hard to watch your child go off into a combat situation, but you have to suck it up. Sounds like you already have him dead and buried! Your Marine would probably feel a lot better if he knew his mom was proud of his sacrifices and supported his decisions and his job, and wasn't sitting there at home whinging (yes, whinging, with a g in the middle).

If you don't know why we're in Iraq, then you must not have been paying attention for the last 16 years.

Answer 5

Your son joined the military because he wanted to fight for this country. He made that choice and whether or not you agree with it, you need to stand by him. I've been almost exactly in your shoes.

My brother, who I raised from the time he was 9 years old and up, decided to join the Army in 2005. I felt like it was my fault because he had very little options. I went into deep depression for about six months, while he was in OSUT training, because all I could see were pictures of caskets draped in US flags. After my brother graduated OSUT as an MP he went to Fort Eustis (the most deployed base) and was told that his position in Iraq would be a gunner in a turret on top of a humvee. Needless to say, this caused me even more depression. He would call home crying because of the statistics the Army was giving him...such as the average lifespan of a gunner in a turret during a firefight is 13 seconds. I was furious that the Army would tell something like that to my baby brother!

Finally, during one long phone call my brother told me that it was HIS choice to do what he was doing. It wasn't my fault. And I realized how much he had grown up in the two years since enlisting. Fact of the matter is, your son isn't a boy anymore and you have to let him make the best decisions for his life.

I'm sorry I wrote so much. If you'd care to chat just IM me. God bless you and your son.

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear about your son is going over there.I don't understand why we are still over there.I wish they could all come home.I don't really know what to say except just pray never lose faith in god.I always get so happy when someone goes over there and makes it home.We use to have a house up where i use to live.Every time there son came home they hung a sheet out that said welcome home and turned lights on that said usmc.I was always relieved when he came home.I am sure he is terrified on the inside.Just tell him to hold on and keep the faith.I know how hard it is not to think scary thoughts but make the best of the time you have woith him while he is home.Remember the good things.If it helps keep his room however it is when he leaves.His life is worth more than this everybody who is over there's life is worth more than this.You could try to find support groups in your area.That might help.Well i wish you all well.Tell you son thank you for being so brave.

Answer 7

Pray and give thanks that your son is serving as a volunteer. I am going through the same thing. My son is in the Army. He is still addicted to video games and all of the other things kids love. It was his decision to enlist. Support him and let him grow up into the man he wants to be. The worrying will never go away. Don't bring him down, support him and offer comfort when he needs it. He still loves you.
By the way, I am a Military brat, My wife is a military brat, both of my kids are military brats, and i am a disabled veteran. My wife and I served at the same duty station for a while. That's where we met.
Would you like to know what I would change about it? Nothing.
I would like to say one more thing. Thank your SON from me and my family.

Answer 8

First, the great thing about our military, is that it is made up entirely of volunteers. No one is conscripted or drafted into the Armed Services of the United States. Because your son volunteered, and did so within the last 3 years, you can surmise that he wanted to do his part to protect this nation.

Second, the United States Military is the best funded, best equiped, best trained, and most experienced military in the world. A military unit is like a family, the Soldiers, Airmen, Sailors, and Marines look out for each other, and would do almost anything to protect their borthers and sisters in arms.

Third, 20 is no longer a kid. 20 is a fully grown adult, capable of making their own decisions. Understandably, as you are his mother, he will seem like a kid to you well into his 60s. That is just your protective matriarchal view. I have many Soldiers under me that are younger than your son. I have had 17 year old Soldiers show up in my unit, and have several teenaged Soldiers deployed with me now, who spend their free time playing video games, and need their NCOs around to make sure they clean up after themselves. These Soldiers are very compitent, and are an integral part of our team. I can't imagine fighting without them, as I am sure your Son's unit feels the same about him.

What should you do? Trust in your Son's decision and support him, and be proud of him. He chose to do this. The worst possible thing you can do is to constantly question his decision, as this will lead him to think that you do not believe in him. Comments such as "I don't know why we are there, this is not our war, we shouldn't be there," do nothing but demoralize the troops. You might not think so, but after over a year of fighting for each other and our families, and hearing nothing but complaints about us being where we are, trivializes what we have put our lives on the line to accomplish. It tells us you do not approve of who we are. WHAT WE DO IS WHO WE ARE. The most disrespectful thing that can be done to a Soldier is to have the ones he loves the most questioning why he choses to fight for them.

The belief that the war we are fighting is not for our country is short sighted. I have spent over 15 months away from my wife, fighting in the mountains in Afghanistan, and am still here. Every day, I see why we are fighting. We are fighting to free oppressed people, and allow them the opportunity to grow and advance, to have basic freedoms and rights that were denied to them for over a generation. The reason why people in these oppressed underedveloped countries hate us, and terrorist cells abound, is that they do not understand us, are not allowed the education to think for themselves, and envy us. By free them, to form their own governments, "Of the People, for the People" as we have, will give them the opertunity to know us, to learn and make their own educated decisions, and to persue their own happiness, as we do. This will take away from those that hate us, their main sources for recruitment. If our enemies can't get Soldiers, then they can't attack us.

I am here fighting, so my children won't have to. He is here for you and (even though he might not have thought of it yet) his future family.

Love him, support him, respect him, honor him. That is all the Soldiers (your son among them) want. You can still worry, I know my Mother and my Wife worry about me. But don't let that worry cause you to trivialize all that your son is trying to do.

Answer 9

You need to be brave and strong for your son.. Don't let him see your fears, but rather tell him how proud you are of him.. He is doing a brave thing...I Know you will miss him and worry about him all the time.. You should not just pray for him and your family, but pray for every ones family that is involved in the war.. Don't let your fears overcome you..and I know you said his life just got started but he must have know before signing up that his chances would be good to be deployed

Answer 10

Hey Mom, I know how you feel. His life is very precious! And your wrong, he has been trained to be a lean fighting machine!! If he goes, he is going to go to kick some a.s.s!!
My nephew, also the sweetest kid, who always tells me I am more of a mother to him than the 2 he had, is also going.
I know what these boys will face will be hard to deal with, hard to live with. That the risks are more than anyone should ever ask of them. What I drill into my sweet boy, above all else, is survive!!
Be proud Mom. Write to your son. Let him know you are NOT afraid because he is going there to handle business.
(Even though you are.)
Be strong, because he loves his country. Be proud because he loves his country. Because in essence, that is what you have taught him. God bless all our young men and women!!!!